To feel a bit sorry for myself and lonely on birthday. Ideas please!!!

[Everylidlhelps]

Name changed. Long time poster. Feel a bit silly.
It's my birthday next Wednesday and although I often don't particularly want to do much, this year I'm feeling very sorry for myself.

I've realised that I haven't actually got anyone to do anything with.
I have a busy life, full on job. 3 dc,DP.
I'm Outgoing and sociable. Though it's just occurred to me that I don't actually do much.
DP never takes me out as a couple. Combination of busy lifestyle and work patterns. Plus hes a bit of a couch potato. We do stuff obviously like days out with the kids and dog, regular holidays(which are my saving grace).

He would take me out If I mentioned it. But I'm not going to.

I have 2 siblings. I'm close to them. One isnt that close by. But doesnt really have the same interests as me. And will be at work on my birthday. The other does quite a lot with her own DH. So isnt ever free. And she never has any money when I suggest a meal out etc.

My 'best' friend is local but has the busiest social life I've ever known.
Always doing stuff when I suggest us going out. So shes never free when I suggest a night out. Goes away with other friends/older DD or her DP.
We have great fun when we do go out but it's literally once or twice a year. So ive given up asking.
I have friends at work but it's a military operation getting a night out organised.
I'm starting to feel a bit lonely which is mental as i have such a full life in other ways.
Anyway, I love dressing up but seldom get the chance to do it and actually go out, unless it's on holiday.
Love the theatre but no one I know likes it only the DC!!!
Love walks with the dog.
Am a member of English heritage and NT.
Love the coast!! But am miles from the sea as central England!!
What can I do/where can I go on my bday to cheer myself Up,?
I wish I had a couple of days off and I'd go somewhere on train and just leave DP to sort the DC but I only have one day off work.
Just to compound things, I do have a car, but i am (to my shame)a very limited driver. Although I am in my 40s, I have only been driving a short while. I have never been on a motorway.
I'm my ideal world, I drive to the coast(not an option with the distance) or somewhere lovely with the dog and walk and think.
All of this has to be between school hours.
I hate myself being such a crap driver that i can't actually go anywhere.
I'm not interested in spas or beauty stuff as I already pamper myself and get hair, nails etc done regularly as it is.
Any ideas?

Happy birthday for Wednesday!
It’s my birthday tomorrow and I don’t like people making fuss of me at all but I have my sibling and his partner coming over to cook a meal (they told me they are coming 🤣) and I know my DC are both feeling excited about making breakfast and giving me their gifts they’ve saved their pocket money for (my youngest is neurodoverse and can’t keep surprises so I already know what he’s got me 🤣♥️) I expect we’ll all go out for a nice walk somewhere too which I’m really looking forward to!
I am excited for their excitement and super grateful to have them all in my life but I would not worry if they’d not wanted to do anything!
I love to spend time on my own too and am treating myself one day in the week when I find the time to the cinema and lunch out on my own as my birthday treat to me from me!
If there’s a theatre showing close to you that you’d enjoy how about theatre and lunch out on your own? It’s great!
Or you could try and find a beautiful NT park nearby that allows dogs and go for a lovely walk.
I loooove charity shop shopping and a day of that with coffee shop stops would be amazing!
Failing that, if you have the house to yourself for the day how about a couple of your favourite films with your favourite foods, that sounds perfect!
I hope you have a great day whatever you choose to do!

Thank you
Happy birthday too!
I dont like a fuss too and hate attention, but I'd like the occasional day out . I'm sick of asking, for people to say already doing stuff!!
For example I had a weekend off a couple of weeks ago. I put in a group chat with DSis and friend about going for a meal. One DSis was going out already,friend had work and other DSis no money. I wouldnt care but this is like every time. I think they already have so much on,that a day out or night out with me isnt priority.

Ironically a few years ago when the DC were little I'd have given anything for a day in the house on my own. Now I'm lost
Yes I'd love to do a dog walk at an NT site. But although there are loads., I'd have to probably drive 45 min at least. Never done such a journey. I dont know if the anxiety is worth it!!!

No offence, but you sound a bit of a martyr over this.

You imply that you'd like to do something with your DP, "but won't mention it"? Why not? If it's something that would make you happy, why are you denying yourself?

Honestly, the best way to ask for things you want, is with your words. Don't make yourself miserable on your birthday, just for the sake of giving all your nearest and dearest some uncommunicated mind-reading test they must pass, to work out that you'd like to spend time with them.

Happy birthday for Wednesday. 🎂
You could buy yourself a motorway driving lesson as a present. That would open up a lot of opportunities for you. I actually think motorways are easier —- everyone’s going in the same direction, no traffic lights, roundabouts, cyclists or pedestrians. Basically you’re driving in a straight line!!
You could order a birthday lunch or tea delivery (Betty’s or Devon Heaven are good) ( I’ll have a cream tea any time of the day) and take it somewhere remote with the dog. Or go off to NT/Heritage place for lunch.

@zingally

No offence, but you sound a bit of a martyr over this.

You imply that you'd like to do something with your DP, "but won't mention it"? Why not? If it's something that would make you happy, why are you denying yourself?

Honestly, the best way to ask for things you want, is with your words. Don't make yourself miserable on your birthday, just for the sake of giving all your nearest and dearest some uncommunicated mind-reading test they must pass, to work out that you'd like to spend time with them.

Totally agree. But what can I do on a Wednesday when hes at work and the dc are at school? Wednesday evening one dc has an activity that DP takes him to. And they wouldn't miss it.

I hate asking for stuff all of the time. I book and arrange holidays and days out, both UK and abroad. I love doing this but if I didnt he would do like zero.
Never wants to go anywhere. He isnt fussed about doing stuff for his birthday and thinks we are all the same. Hes happy going to work, coming home and watching tv, bed. 7 days a week. He will do most things if I suggest, but sometimes it's all a bit forced.
Its not just him, I just feel a bit low that I have no one reliable to do stuff with.

@Xpologog

Happy birthday for Wednesday. 🎂 You could buy yourself a motorway driving lesson as a present. That would open up a lot of opportunities for you. I actually think motorways are easier —- everyone’s going in the same direction, no traffic lights, roundabouts, cyclists or pedestrians. Basically you’re driving in a straight line!! You could order a birthday lunch or tea delivery (Betty’s or Devon Heaven are good) ( I’ll have a cream tea any time of the day) and take it somewhere remote with the dog. Or go off to NT/Heritage place for lunch.

I'm planning on extra driving tuition for definite.so I'm not in this situation again!!!!

Can you get a train somewhere?

Why don’t you do the 45 minute drive on Wednesday?

The worst that could happen is that you hate it. But you think you’ll hate it anyway, so you won’t have lost anything.

But imagine… getting to the end of your birthday and knowing you can take the dog to a NT place, have a good walk in (what looks like) nice weather with a cream tea at the end? And if it’s your thing, have a mooch around the 2nd hand bookshop they often have.

You can do it.

Thank you
Unless it’s my children I honestly prefer doing things alone 🤣 but I do find that if I would like company I will often suggest doing something that I know the other person would really enjoy too and with plenty of notice.
I do really enjoy a day out with my DC but I’ll find something that they will really enjoy and I tend to find that if everybody is happy and having a nice time then it’s a really nice day!
It must be a bit disappointing that your sisters are unable to do the things you want to do but maybe with your sister who has no money, you could suggest a meal at home with her or a picnic and a walk instead? It might be that she’d love to do something with you but is just struggling to financially.
Are there any NT parks that have a train stop close by? You can take dogs on trains or if not then just generally somewhere new via train?
The anxiety is worth it! I understand, it’s really hard when you’re anxious but if we don’t try to push through it, we’ll always be stuck!
Whatever you do, as long as you have cake, it’s not a wasted birthday 🤣

@TabithaTittlemouseyes I did think about the train. But I'd kind of like to take the dog. But yes maybe I could browse a few potential places later!

@Forshorttheycallmecomp
I'd really like to do this! I'd also like the satisfaction of not relying on anyone else to enjoy my day.

Cake and trains possibilities too. I'm going to make a plan by the end of the day so I can book.

Does it have to be Wednesday? I couldn’t tell you the last time I celebrated on my actual birthday.

And you’re leaving it all very last minute. I have a lot of free time and I wouldn’t be able to accommodate a night out with you in a fortnight’s time let alone a few days in advance. People get booked up, financially and time wise.

@Forshorttheycallmecomp

Why don’t you do the 45 minute drive on Wednesday?

The worst that could happen is that you hate it. But you think you’ll hate it anyway, so you won’t have lost anything.

But imagine… getting to the end of your birthday and knowing you can take the dog to a NT place, have a good walk in (what looks like) nice weather with a cream tea at the end? And if it’s your thing, have a mooch around the 2nd hand bookshop they often have.

You can do it.

Like ALL of that is my thing.

@Shiningpath

Does it have to be Wednesday? I couldn’t tell you the last time I celebrated on my actual birthday.

And you’re leaving it all very last minute. I have a lot of free time and I wouldn’t be able to accommodate a night out with you in a fortnight’s time let alone a few days in advance. People get booked up, financially and time wise.

Doesnt have to be Wednesday. I could arrange a night out/day out anytime with friends to celebrate technically. Buy I just want to do something on my own Wednesday as I know in reality another celebration wont actually happen!!

A movie??

Go to an art gallery for a browse
@Xpologog comments about the motorway being easy are spot on - especially as you won’t be driving in peak traffic. I’d be brave and do that.

@Xpologog

Happy birthday for Wednesday. 🎂 You could buy yourself a motorway driving lesson as a present. That would open up a lot of opportunities for you. I actually think motorways are easier —- everyone’s going in the same direction, no traffic lights, roundabouts, cyclists or pedestrians. Basically you’re driving in a straight line!! You could order a birthday lunch or tea delivery (Betty’s or Devon Heaven are good) ( I’ll have a cream tea any time of the day) and take it somewhere remote with the dog. Or go off to NT/Heritage place for lunch.

I was about to post the same thing. Buy yourself some driving lessons and get out there and drive next year as much as you can so IF you find yourself in the same situation you can just go wherever you want for your birthday. you shouldn't be limited by your driving skills.

I also agree with pp that the motorways (or highways here in the US) to me are less scary as you don't have to worry about lights, turns, a stopped car, you just drive straight. Stay in the slow lane and it should be easy.

And you need to talk to your DP about how you feel concerning your birthday and lack of "date nights" or whatever. You shouldn't feel so lonely when you have a partner.

Thanks
Yes @Sunnytwobridges
Absolutely so not want to be in this position next year.
I do need extra lessons, though technically I could go anywhere I want without using the motorway. But even that is scary!!
Agree about date nights. Ive been saying this for years. Hes not a bad person just not his thing. But forgets that it is my thing.

Build a playlist, blare it loud and just drive to the next town and back, if that’s easy, drive two towns away, drive anywhere you haven’t before but that’s not too drastic to gain some experience of the unknown.

You scared about getting lost? No one ever remains lost forever, it’s not a big deal If you get lost, you will eventually get back. Be excited by the unknown.

Pretty sure you can take dogs on trains. I regularly take mine on the bus - is that an option?
I'm in the Midlands too, and other options instead of walking the dog that I'd enjoy would be going to a shopping mall or city centre. I did this yesterday, bought a couple of things in TK Maxx, stocked up on nice food in M&S and had a lovely piece of cake in the M&S cafe. Or go to the library and get myself a stack of books. Look around a local museum you've never been to? Or you could go to the cinema if that's your thing.
Try to push yourself with the driving though. A little bit further or a new route each time. You could ask DH to sit with you on your first trip on the motorway to give you more confidence. As pp have said motorways are really easy.

Motorway driving is actually my favourite country roads where you are on a national speed limit they are awful for me! I went out early on a Sunday morning and did just one junction just to break the ice and now I'm fairly confident on them.
I like to think of driving distances as just a succession of driving techniques that you already know yes you've not driven that road before but it's still a technique you already know.
Go on.... birthday treat to yourself the gift of a bit more confidence behind the wheel.

I used to have a bad fear of driving, but hypnotherapy really helped.

I regularly go to theatre, cinema, museums and galleries on my own. I also go on holidays on my own. I just like my own company.

I do go out/on holiday with friends and family too, but the point is OP, if there is something you want to do, you can't let the fact you are on your own stop you.

If it sounds scary, start small. A coffee and cake (take a book) or the cinema are the easiest ones.

I hope you have a lovely birthday [flowers[

Have you got a Sat Nav?

Life changing for me

Happy birthday!

Go out to lunch and a theatre matinee? Or is there a nice town near you you could go have lunch and a nice potter about in?

Tell your DP to get off his arse and take you to dinner, you do have to organise people for birthdays.

On your day out, think about what activities you’d like to explore so you can make some new friends.

Also have a resolution to practice more driving this year, so you get relatively confident. You will be a fine driver, it’s just about practice. And Sat Nav.

I'm with you on the driving front but I force myself out of my comfort zone. As mentioned, SatNav or Google maps are brilliant, just stay calm, go at your own pace, you'll be fine. The more you push yourself the less scary it is.

Bit confused about your best friend. She's out all the time just not with you. If you're really that close then ask her what she's up to next week or whenever and can you tag along? My BF would hate to think that I was lonely and hadn't told her.

I think you need to start asking people for what you want.