To feel a bit sorry for myself and lonely on birthday. Ideas please!!!

[Everylidlhelps]

Name changed. Long time poster. Feel a bit silly.
It's my birthday next Wednesday and although I often don't particularly want to do much, this year I'm feeling very sorry for myself.

I've realised that I haven't actually got anyone to do anything with.
I have a busy life, full on job. 3 dc,DP.
I'm Outgoing and sociable. Though it's just occurred to me that I don't actually do much.
DP never takes me out as a couple. Combination of busy lifestyle and work patterns. Plus hes a bit of a couch potato. We do stuff obviously like days out with the kids and dog, regular holidays(which are my saving grace).

He would take me out If I mentioned it. But I'm not going to.

I have 2 siblings. I'm close to them. One isnt that close by. But doesnt really have the same interests as me. And will be at work on my birthday. The other does quite a lot with her own DH. So isnt ever free. And she never has any money when I suggest a meal out etc.

My 'best' friend is local but has the busiest social life I've ever known.
Always doing stuff when I suggest us going out. So shes never free when I suggest a night out. Goes away with other friends/older DD or her DP.
We have great fun when we do go out but it's literally once or twice a year. So ive given up asking.
I have friends at work but it's a military operation getting a night out organised.
I'm starting to feel a bit lonely which is mental as i have such a full life in other ways.
Anyway, I love dressing up but seldom get the chance to do it and actually go out, unless it's on holiday.
Love the theatre but no one I know likes it only the DC!!!
Love walks with the dog.
Am a member of English heritage and NT.
Love the coast!! But am miles from the sea as central England!!
What can I do/where can I go on my bday to cheer myself Up,?
I wish I had a couple of days off and I'd go somewhere on train and just leave DP to sort the DC but I only have one day off work.
Just to compound things, I do have a car, but i am (to my shame)a very limited driver. Although I am in my 40s, I have only been driving a short while. I have never been on a motorway.
I'm my ideal world, I drive to the coast(not an option with the distance) or somewhere lovely with the dog and walk and think.
All of this has to be between school hours.
I hate myself being such a crap driver that i can't actually go anywhere.
I'm not interested in spas or beauty stuff as I already pamper myself and get hair, nails etc done regularly as it is.
Any ideas?

@Everylidlhelps happy birthday for Wednesday. Do you have different organisational skills than your friends? I plan things in advance, if someone asked me last min to go out for a meal there’s a very real chance I’ll already be busy. Why don’t you give up on spontaneous nights out and start asking further in advance?

I am in the same boat as you and felt if I didn't be the one to organise something with friends nothing would ever happen. I'm a 'screw it, let's do it' person and my friends are 'oh maybe, I don't know', I need to prepare people...So I took everyone out of the equation and turned lonelyness into an adventure!!

Maybe a silly idea but you could get your DP to take point on the kids. Then use a website like Travel Supermarket which lets you search for a break without a specific location in mind and see where you could go for £X for 3 nights.

I use travel supermarket to do a last minute search for a 3 night trip, say budget of £250....while I'd end up in some very random places it was always so excitng! At first I felt self conscious, like a Billy no mates and would have to summon the courage to go to a nice restaurant and ask for a table for one. But soon realised who gives one! it was so nice because I could do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. I'd sit in a cafe and people watch - or write poetry by the beach. If I wanted company I'd always seem to find it. If it was cheaper to go not on my actual birthday I'd just ignore my actual birthday and celebrate it when I got there.

Became a lot more confident in myself too and learnt how to strike up conversations. I would arrive on my own and by the time I left realised I had made new friends!

Wednesday's offer the best afternoon matinee choices at the theatre. If you don't have one local to you then, as others have suggested, the cinema, preferably with a box of Maltezers and a gin and tonic would be a perfect solo birthday treat.

technically I could go anywhere I want without using the motorway.

Google maps will plan this for you.
I’m not the world’s happiest driver and I also avoid motorways if possible.
I’m also Midlands-ish so 2 hrs from coast.
But I’ve driven there loads with the dog!
Ask someone to pick up after school, give yourself loads of time, go out all day.
With no one else in the car and no time restrictions the pressure is off, really.

Ask a favour from a school mum for pick up or ask DH if he can do pick up just this once.

I never understand the worry about driving on the motorway, honestly it's the easiest place to drive! You don't have to go fast just stay in inside lane (to be honest most of the time there seems to be roadworks with 50mph limit anyway🙄). So long as you make sure of the junction number you need to get off its a doddle. I'm very old and so is my car so no satnav, I actually still use maps😂 if your worried why don't you treat yourself to a driving lesson on the motorway. One of my sons did this after he passed his test to give him the confidence to use them. Then you can take your dog for lovely walk on the beach, farthest anybody is to the coast is 70 miles which is perfectly doable for a day trip👍

Happy birthday for Weds! My recent birthday was mid week. It was a bit flat. Kids both had an activities after school and DH took my indecision about a present and where to eat literally (I just wanted him to decide). Generally though, I dislike my birthday, and people making a fuss or incessantly asking me if I am having a nicr day.

I think YABU tbh. You have a partner, kids, a dog, enough money for regular pampering/NT membership. You have a very full life by the sounds of it and possibly need to take a step back and practise some gratitude. As adults, birthdays just aren't that important. Agree with PP who said you don't need to celebrate on the specific day. Due to shift patterns etc DP and I often celebrate birthdays weeks away from the actual day. Also it wound me up that you know DP would go out if you suggested it. So suggest it? Why does it have to be a big surprise? For my birthday I'll probably say 'oh I fancy X restaurant, shall I book it?'. No dramas. Also people just don't have infinite time and money to do things. Agree you need to be more proactive and more organised if you want people to be available to go out.

Happy birthday for Wednesday. I'm midlands as well. Could you drive to Ironbridge? Or Bewdley? Or Bridgnorth? Lots of lovely shops, coffee shops etc and an easy way to spend a couple of hours having a mooch round. Or Shrewsbury is nice? Lots of shops and great charity shops too! I think you need to be brave and go for it and do a drive to somewhere nice. Google maps will get you there and back. Driving should offer you the flexibility to get out where you want to.

Thanks for the replies. Sorry been out so just working through them.

@WeddingFavour

I think YABU tbh. You have a partner, kids, a dog, enough money for regular pampering/NT membership. You have a very full life by the sounds of it and possibly need to take a step back and practise some gratitude. As adults, birthdays just aren't that important. Agree with PP who said you don't need to celebrate on the specific day. Due to shift patterns etc DP and I often celebrate birthdays weeks away from the actual day. Also it wound me up that you know DP would go out if you suggested it. So suggest it? Why does it have to be a big surprise? For my birthday I'll probably say 'oh I fancy X restaurant, shall I book it?'. No dramas. Also people just don't have infinite time and money to do things. Agree you need to be more proactive and more organised if you want people to be available to go out.

Ha ha I agree. I hate fuss made of me in general. And although I have lovely gifts given me I dont like attention . I dont usually go out on birthdays and am happy just being at home, usually eating and drinking birthday presents and cooking a nice meal for us. It's not especially my birthday this year I'm focusing on just choosing that day as I'm off . I just fancy doing something I like without fucking practically begging everyone to join me!!

I do have a full life with regards to work and family.
We go on holiday in the summer and maybe have another short break.
But outside of that I dont do much
See my 'Best' friend maybe 2 x a year
Work nights out maybe the same
Out with sisters hardly ever unless a family meal
Out with DP alone never

[quote Whatsonmymindgrapes]@Everylidlhelps happy birthday for Wednesday. Do you have different organisational skills than your friends? I plan things in advance, if someone asked me last min to go out for a meal there’s a very real chance I’ll already be busy. Why don’t you give up on spontaneous nights out and start asking further in advance?[/quote]
I don't go for spontaneous nights out b ut it still doesn't work.
For example i tried to arrange weekend night out with friend. Gave an ou it 3 options: Next couple of Saturdays (example), a fri night sunday afternoon. None were suitable! So i said okay let me know when you are free. Nothing. Although she always messages and frustratingly says " we need a night out!"
I feel like I'm begging!!

Mossstitch
Idont think I could just spontaneously go on the motorway for the first time like that

@smartiecake

Happy birthday for Wednesday. I'm midlands as well. Could you drive to Ironbridge? Or Bewdley? Or Bridgnorth? Lots of lovely shops, coffee shops etc and an easy way to spend a couple of hours having a mooch round. Or Shrewsbury is nice? Lots of shops and great charity shops too! I think you need to be brave and go for it and do a drive to somewhere nice. Google maps will get you there and back. Driving should offer you the flexibility to get out where you want to.

All of those are close. Just further than i normally drive!!

Has anyone mentioned Meetup?

Make your own group op.

@namechangeanonymous

Motorway driving is actually my favourite country roads where you are on a national speed limit they are awful for me! I went out early on a Sunday morning and did just one junction just to break the ice and now I'm fairly confident on them. I like to think of driving distances as just a succession of driving techniques that you already know yes you've not driven that road before but it's still a technique you already know. Go on.... birthday treat to yourself the gift of a bit more confidence behind the wheel.

That makes so much sense about the series of techniques. Difficult to put in place though. I know it makes mo difference if I drive 5 miles or 50. I'm not particularly scared of getting lost. More scared of doing something wrong on an unfamiliar road. Or if there's a complicated junction or traffic lights People are such aggressive inpatient drivers too.

If you can catch train to Oxford then you can take dog on there, walk from station to Port Meadow and walk across Port Meadow to either The Trout or Jacob’s Inn pub. Or go along the Isis past all the boat houses but food not ad nice that way and more bother with a dog on narrow footpath. We’ve done it tho’ and it was fine. National Trust often crap with dog access so would definitely check anywhere you go to. Upton House/Baddesley Clinton are no dog, Packwood only some bits, Waddesdon might be best bet for being able to eat something nice if dog with you. Happy Birthday for Wednesday.

@WeddingFavour
I dont want drama or some big surprise but DH has taken me out asa couple for donkeys years
I'd actually hate a big surprise.
I do ask for things I want like holidays etc.
Its not even about my birthday. It's a normal birthday midweek. No biggie
And I didnt really go out on big birthdays in the past either.
It's just me feeling sorry for myself and literally always have to almost force everyone to come out!!
So I've come to the conclusion I'm making my own fun starting with my birthday. As no doubt if I said to mates,/sisters/partner- shall we go for a birthday drink in a few weeks there would be an excuse!
When I joined the NT I had to rely on DP to take me. He never suggests going himself.
Same with the theatre he never been with me. Dsis say its not their thing.
Even free walks in the park or tong for a coffee.
I messaged one sis in half term to say shall we meet one day at park with DC. She only had one day fre and she had made arrangements.
Dont get me wrong I'm not bored, far from it. But sometimes it would be nice to meet up.

@ChillinwiththeVillains

Sorry!
Chillin
Thanks I will look at those

I would say to DH that you fancy going out for dinner on your birthday, and go somewhere you can take Dc as well, or get a sitter and go out just the two of you. Then call up sisters, closest friends from work and locally, and say you would love it if any of them could join you for a coastal walk and pub lunch to celebrate your birthday. No presents, just chip in for the pub lunch - very relaxed) at the weekend. Then even if just one person comes you get to do the walk and lunch. If a big crowd come it could be quite a party.

@Everylidlhelps Fair enough, I relate to an extent. Has it got worse since lockdown? I feel like throughout covid people were desperate to go out but now there's a sort of post-lockdown apathy in my circle. People have got used to their own company/just being with their family.

I actually know how you feel. My husband also will never make any suggestions for birthdays etc. It's so frustrating when you just wish someone else would take the mental load for once of planning things instead of always having to make all the arrangements. Hope you have a nice birthday whatever you end up doing.

Regarding the driving OP I used to be an absolute nervous wreck too, I did motorways but hated them. Then I had to go to a funeral just outside Birmingham a few years ago (3hrs from me) and I made myself go. I was pouring with sweat, flipping petrified but I did it (promptly burst into tears pulling into the hotel carpark with sheer relief) and it's an amazing feeling. My Dd is in Bristol at uni and I don't think twice about going to see her, something that would have been impossible before I made myself be brave..... so for your birthday do that 45 minute drive just you and the dog and I promise you you'll be so chuffed with yourself at the end of it that it'll be the best present you could give yourself.

A year ago, we were all in lock down, unable to travel & everything was closed

FFFF THAT !

Plan a day out !
Book the restaurant !
Get on the motorway
Tell your lazy partner to sort out his life & make an effort !
Life is for living NOW !!!