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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids being left alone at parties? What age?

75 replies

Kage30 · 18/03/2022 22:04

I know it depends on individual child. But what age would you leave a child ag a party these days?

As a kid I can never remember my mother staying at parties - my mum was an over anxious parent too or any of my friends parents. Seemed to be drop and go 😅

Dd is 6 and year 2 so 7 soon. She has a few parties coming up and I intend to stay with her. She has some degree of sen too so need to stay. But what's the norm? Do the hosts want parents to stay?

Looking to host a party for Dd soon too. So want to know the Norm!

My main concern would be kids exiting through the main door. So feel like someone should be sat by the door the whole time!

Covid has meant we've not been to many parties and never held one ourselves!

OP posts:
Infinitemoon · 18/03/2022 23:14

BeatieBourke, yes I know. I was surprised that anyone would stay at a party with a 7 year old!

Why? I would have no problem with a parent staying if they don't know me. Safeguarding issues etc. It is actually odd to leave a child with people you don't know tbh( even though I have done this too).

HappyDays40 · 18/03/2022 23:19

I'd be less than impressed with room ful of seven year old and their parents. Not the seven year old, the adults. Goodness grief!

musicalfrog · 18/03/2022 23:19

I like to watch the children interacting and I welcome the opportunity to spend time chatting with the other parents who stay. I feel quite disconnected from the ones who don't stay (although I realise they probably have a lot to do which is why they don't stay).

I think once they are juniors it's fine to leave them.

musicalfrog · 18/03/2022 23:20

Plus parents generally get invited to finish up the leftover pizza/sandwiches Wink

5foot5 · 18/03/2022 23:21

@arethereanyleftatall

Round my way its drop and go from reception. So, 5.
Yes this was our experience too. Everyone stayed at 3 and 4 year old parties. Well almost everyone. One little boy's dad dropped and left but he was known for doing that

However the first party in reception, i.e. 5 year old, most parents didn't stay

lanthanum · 19/03/2022 00:08

At 7, I think if you want to stay it's probably a good idea to warn the hosts/check that's okay. I'm sure it would be, especially if there's an SEN reason. (There was one class at our primary which had three kids with epipens - their parents used to agree amongst themselves which was staying.)

CelestiaNoctis · 19/03/2022 01:35

6 year old and most parents still stay around here, including me. When I feel she can take herself to the toilet (locate it in a new place and go without messing about), speak up for herself to the main adult in charge (if she needs help in any way) and can be sensible without me then I'll leave her for a party. But she's not there yet.

RedskyThisNight · 19/03/2022 11:14

@Lindaloo08

OP I'm in a similar position and want to ask another question I've been wondering tonight, if the kids are 7 and drop and go, are guest parents expecting hosts to organise extra people to manage the group or would you be okay with 2 adults managing about 14 kids?
I would assume most parents are ok with this. They are probably sending their child to school where they are managed in a class of 30 by one teacher for a chunk of the day (TAs shared, quite often not one in the classroom) and to children's groups where similar or worse ratios apply. I think if you are the party organiser, it's up to you to organise appropriate levels of supervision (which could include asking another parent to stay).
MadameFantabulosa · 19/03/2022 11:20

I never let parents stay after year 1. They were a pain in the arse, didn’t help, just sat on the sofa chatting, expecting to be waited on hand and foot (“Any chance of more tea?”). And then they criticised the food - I’d made a chocolate cake with a ganache icing, and one of the Mums said she thought it was “a bit rich for little tummies.” I asked her if she’d have preferred icing made with margarine, food colouring and sugar, and she shut up. So I made it clear that if they weren’t happy to leave the children, then it was best if the child didn’t come. Obviously not for SEN children, Mums were very welcome to stay, but not the moany, fussy ones.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 19/03/2022 11:20

For house parties here, drop and go is the norm around 5 or 6 although most mums stay for 10 mins to check child is settled. If I saw anything that worried me I’d stay. A lot of hosts seem a bit puzzled if mums stay too long, like they didn’t plan to cater for adults so feel you’re watching/judging them or that you’re taking up space. It’s usually obvious if parents are welcome to stay eg a table or sofa set up, host offers you a drink etc. If I stay I always offer to help eg clearing up and managing the kids, putting out food etc.

Sometimes host says ‘say bye to mummy’ on the threshold and if I know the family and my child is happy to go in alone I’m fine with this.

At soft play parties or parties at a venue it seems the norm for one parent to stay, as it’s a public place and a lot of pressure on hosts to manage so many kids.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/03/2022 11:22

4/5 - unless you child has a disability/severe food allergy please don’t stay and hover at age 7, it’s intrusive,

Potatoesdonthavefaces · 19/03/2022 11:22

Sorry to highjack, but what's the etiquette about both parents coming to a party, is that excessive?

We have also not had any experience of this due to pandemic but think our DC with suspected SEN would be happier with us both there.

thepeopleversuswork · 19/03/2022 11:25

Surely it depends in large part on your child and how confident or anxious they are and also whether you know the parents?

I think I stopped staying as soon as my DD was comfortable enough with her schoolmates (probably year 1).

Confusedteacher · 19/03/2022 11:27

Drop and go at age 7, definitely! I used to specifically write on the invites “drop off at… pick up at…” so it was really clear to parents that I didn’t want them hanging around. It’s hard enough trying to entertain a room full of kids without all the parents watching/ hoovering up the party food.

nearlyspringyay · 19/03/2022 11:28

Drop and run after the round of yR of all class parties are done.

SpiderVersed · 19/03/2022 11:30

About half to two thirds drop and go by 5th birthday, all drop and go by 6 in my experience.

Hyenaormeercat · 19/03/2022 11:33

From what I have seen of the small kids in the family around 6 seems normal. My DC 30 years ago it was from 3/4, but small community where everyone knew everyone. DS1 and 2 went on their first solo together at nearly 3 and 4.

FieldOverFence · 19/03/2022 11:38

@Potatoesdonthavefaces

Sorry to highjack, but what's the etiquette about both parents coming to a party, is that excessive?

We have also not had any experience of this due to pandemic but think our DC with suspected SEN would be happier with us both there.

What age? Without the SEN, and at the age we're talking here (6-7)I would say 2 parents is way too much, you'd end up with parents outnumbering the kids

But I would follow the parents lead for SEN kids

Svara · 19/03/2022 11:38

Five, once they are at school they are usually used to following instructions so easier for a couple of adults to manage.

TheHoleNineYards · 19/03/2022 11:40

Round here it seems to be around Year 2 they get left.

I tended to host parties at home and there’s not really room for extra adults as well as kids so I put ‘drop off at [time] and pick up at [time]’ on the invite to make it clear. I occasionally had parents text to say that their child didn’t like being left so could they hang around and of course I made them welcome, but most others were happy to drop and run!

oatlattetogo · 19/03/2022 11:45

Family friend’s daughter had her 7th birthday party in the summer holidays last year and out of the six girls who came two of the mum’s stayed. No SEN, they just said their daughters wouldn’t like it if they left. I’m not sure if that’s unusual or if 1/3 is a good representation!

I wouldn’t want parents to be staying at that age (obviously unless there are extenuating circumstances like SEN) but I’m sure there are lots of other people who would like a hand or the social aspect of it!

Goldbar · 19/03/2022 11:54

6/7 would be the norm round here, I'd think.

I'd be absolutely fine with a parent staying at any age due to SEN/ because their child needs extra support. I'd also be very grateful if they offered to help while staying.

Amlaughingsomuchnot · 19/03/2022 11:55

Drop off and run once they are in reception…I would have found it a PITA having parents at my children’s parties. Just a couple of my friends would come and help along with the grandmas.
Children were always much better behaved and joined in more effectively without a parent there distracting them .

Nosetickle · 19/03/2022 11:59

At that age: If it’s a small party at home, like they all were back in my day, it’s fine for parents to drop and run. In fact it’s a bit of a pain for the host if parents stay as you have to cater for them too and space might be a bit tight. If it’s a large party in an external venue, like they seem to mostly be these days, it’s best for parents to stay and supervise their own children as there are more risks. I could handle supervising maybe three or four children at an activity but any more and I’d need help.

tomsellecksloverug · 19/03/2022 12:02

@Potatoesdonthavefaces

Sorry to highjack, but what's the etiquette about both parents coming to a party, is that excessive?

We have also not had any experience of this due to pandemic but think our DC with suspected SEN would be happier with us both there.

God no.
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