Why cant I do it?

[Largebutnotincharge]

I've always been overweight but not this bloody big. I'm obese and cannot stick to any sort of healthy eating plan.

I'm so frustrated with myself.

I have about 4 and a half stone to lose to get me into the top end of the healthy weight category. I know that when I reach for a chocolate bar or order a takeaway that I'll regret it but I do it anyway!! I eat u untill i feel sick and can have at least two large chocolate bars a day and then a massive takeaway on top. I dont know why i do it to myself. Is anyone else the same? I feel so pathetic! I'm making myself miserable but can't seem to stop stuffing my disgusting face!

Has anyone else managed to turn their lives around and if so, how did you do it?

Sorry it's not an AIBU but busiest board!!

I have struggled for years and finally went to Turkey for a gastric sleeve. Had it on 7 Feb and have lost 1 stone 7lbs so far

Can you swap your mindset - more a realistic goal? Say 1/2 stone to lose and reduce parts of your diet.

One less chocolate bar, one less spoon of sugar in your tea, save leftovers for the next night instead of eating it all.

Small steps.

Thanks for your replies.

I don't think it's the amount of weight that's overwhelming, it's the fact that I cant seem to stop myself making bad choices as pathetic as that sounds. I have 0 will power and I'm so frustrated.

I had 5 stone to loose, for years, I’m half way there. Be kind on yourself - you can do it. You just need to find your way and keep at it. The NHS app is quite a good place to start as it is 12 week focus. Good luck! I could have written your post one year ago, I’m not there but I am on my way and you really can be too?

A small change I made has kerbed my need to eat biscuits with every cuppa!!
Oat milk instead of semi skimmed.. Before I had to have something sweet with especially coffee. Now I can easily go without. Lost a couple of pounds since I swapped a few weeks ago.

I've had a load of counselling for a variety of issues including depression, self harm, binge eating, lack of self respect etc. My Counsellor was wonderful and I saw them for about 4 years and then one day I decided that I'm done being fat.

From that day on I stuck to a simple healthy diet and I lost 5 stone over about 9 months. No gimmicks, no surgery, just healthy eating and some newly found self respect. It's been 3 years and I've never fluctuated more than 5kg from my lowest weight and I'm a hell of a lot happier.

Have you considered counselling to find the causes of why you are the way you are with food?

I've every sympathy for you as I feel the same

@MrMrsJones can you say a bit more about your experience, cost etc? I’ve seen some adverts for around £3k and I’d be tempted at that cost tbh I need to lose many many stones but I like cake

I recommend the book 'why we eat too much' by Andrew jenkinson.

I nearly wrote this post last night. I ended up in the bathroom sobbing over the scales as I’d had another huge binge fest and felt thoroughly ashamed of myself. I want to lose weight but I can’t stop eating. I’m setting myself small goals so this week I am eating three meals a day. There are so many things I need to improve; less calories, more exercise, less coffee, drink water etc etc but if I change everything I’ll fail again. I’m taking it one day at a time at the moment. Today whenever I’ve been tempted to eat something high fat, I’ve reminded myself of how I felt in the bathroom. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
Can you start each day with a goal? Today I’m not going to order a take away. Or today I’m going to not eat after 7pm etc? Good luck to you. It’s bloody hard ☹️

What comes across from your post is (and forgive me if I’m wrong) that you really dislike yourself. The language you use is very very harsh and I think that rather than focus on a magical diet that perhaps trying to address that aspect will be better for you long term. It kind of comes across like a self harm thing more so than anything else.

What achievements can you list OP? Things you've done well.

Anything:

Something you've learned?
Caring for a baby?
Something you've made?
A home you car for?
A difficult situation you overcame?
A time you helped someone else overcome something?

I'm trying to steer you towards ''i can do''. To unlock the will power which WILL be in there somewhere.

I know how you feel though. I'm waiting for the elusive diet will power to waft my way. I suspect mine will arrive as the sun comes out and, as usual, in my mind, it'll be too late again.

A few years ago i went from 16stone to 10st 7lbs. i did it by finding healthy foods that i liked & walking/jogging at least 1 hour a day. it took me 8 to 9 months to lose the weight. watching weight loss uploads on youtube really helped me keep motivated. lose it like lauren was a good one at the time.
i know its hard but just dont buy the takeaways, chocolate etc in. Give it time you will lose weight.

So basically if you diet it can end up making you fat!

I would suggest you check our Rebelfit and Brain over binge. It sounds like you’re in a vicious cycle. I felt like I’d tried it all, WW, SW, exercise only, just cutting back…I did SW and finally got to a “healthy” BMI but I had disordered eating and honestly, I look back and think I looked ill! Then I got ill, lost my motivation to diet and couldn’t exercise and put it all back on and more.
I discovered Rebelfit in 2019 as my weight issues had spiralled. It’s taken all this time to get to a point where I have a healthier attitude to food. I’ve stopped dieting. I enjoy food more - things like full fat yoghurt! I’m a single parent now (recent development) so I batch cook and defrost meals, eating well with plenty of fruit and veg in my diet and sensible portions (STBXH tended to do huge portions when he cooked). I exercise regularly, I’ve joined a weightlifting gym for women! I absolutely love it!

I’ve reframed my approach so now I want to be strong and toned rather than skinny. Ironically recently people keep telling me I’ve lost weight. I don’t weight myself any more but I know I’ve lost girth! Brain over binge made me realise that simply by dieting and restricting, I was triggering a binge response. Rebelfit has taught me how to be kinder to myself and how to stop hating my body. I do regular Rebelfit missions to keep me focused and motivate me to exercise. It’s not for everyone and some people will criticise it but it’s made a huge difference to me.

Slimming world is great.

Do you eat takeaways daily? If so, that will be a main cause, they're packed with calories.

I would start but meal planning and reducing to 2 takeaways a week. Then one. Then fortnightly.

Have easy to reach low calorie snacks. So fat free yoghurts. Fruits. Crackers. Little pots of pasta. Anything is better than takeaways.

I can't recommend slimming world enough, it's a whole new way of approaching food and you definitely don't go hungry. Although you do need to be willing to cook. Good luck!

listen to a podcast by someone called Brooke Castillo. Early episodes are about a programme call 'the model' to help lose weight (or quit drinking - whatever - it's a basic plan) It sounds hokey but it's free and makes a lot of sense in helping change your mindset about things. Good luck OP (been there, still there to some degree....)

As someone in a very similar place, the first thing you have to do is stop hating yourself. It's actually a subconscious tactic to "allow" yourself to fail - you beat yourself up, feel awful, then do what you always do to cheer yourself up/make yourself feel better - eat.

For me, right now, I have decided to shelve my desperate cycle of firm resolve/waver/self hatred/binge. I've decided to stop focussing on the eating, forgive myself when it happens, don't count s whole day as "ruined" and then lose all control if I don't stick to my plan etc. Instead I'm trying to focus on what I know can make myself do rather than what I can't stop myself from doing. I can choose to sleep instead of sitting up late ruminating and snacking. I can choose to go for a walk or a swim in my lunch break. I can choose to leave my debit card at home to stop me from making greedy mid morning impulse purchases! So I focus on those things. And forgive myself for any "weakness". Self hatred isnt motivating. You aren't going to do anything to benefit someone you hate, only someone you love and value.

Ozempic works!

Another vote for Why We Eat (Too Much), a life-changing book. It will change how you feel about food and diets entirely, and hopefully take away some of your negativity and self-blame, while also being a route to steady and sustainable weight loss.

Oh your post broke my heart

I’m right there with you - be kind to yourself, you are not disgusting.

Just sending a huge hug

I'd also recommend the podcast series A Thorough Examination with Drs Chris and Xand.

I think if you can start by trying to give up sugar that is a big thing that will help reduce your cravings. You will feel crappy the first while but then it will stop you craving chocolate etc and only buy in carrot sticks celery to munch on with humous and olives etc. Usually we use the food as a comfort and it makes us feel good in the short term. Also cut down on breads, wheat etc white pasta as nothing beneficial in pasta at all and just change to brown rice. Make little food changes and have protein with every meal as it stops you getting cravings and hungry. Stop thinking about losing weight but eating healthier. Give up soft drinks all sugars. Try to be kind to yourself also and little steps is the way to go. Write down a shopping list and try to stick to it or do online shopping and that way you won't be tempted. Instead of ordering take away every few days or once a week, have it once a month instead but pick healthier options. Wishing you well and drink lots of water and if having coffee don't have lattes or cappucinos as I really bloated out from those and found out have dairy intolerance so just cut out dairy and have black coffee in morning and then water. Some great advise on here and lots of well wishes to you and support.

I hear you! I really want to lose weight and have absolutely zero willpower . I love food too much and every time I try to lose weight, I crave takeaways or chocolate and eventually give in yet again.

Warmer weather is coming and the fact I can't hide my body in winter jackets and baggy jumpers/hoodies stresses me out. I just can't get myself into the mindset to lose weight at all, no matter how badly I want to. Losing weight is so difficult to do, try to not beat yourself up about it.

The only thing that has ever worked for me is a dvd called Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. You do it for 20 mins a day and it does give good results, if you can get yourself into the mindset to do it.

I had a friend in a similar position and she went to overeaters anonymous and got lots of help and support that way. Diets had never ever worked for her. OA meant she had to go cold turkey on any "trigger foods" but just eat normally and she has been a stable weight (size 12) for ages now.

If that's not for you, maybe try low carb - it means certain foods are just not available and it quickly stops you feeling hungry yet you can still eat lots and feel satisfied.

Thank you for sharing you own struggles and experiences it means alot. I'm sorry that people feel the same as me as it's not a nice thing to go through everyday.

Thanks for the book recommendations and the oat milk tip I'll give those a go.

I think the more I eat, the more I feel like a greedy little pig and end up being angry and disgusted in myself. Sorry for the use of words there but it's how i see myself.

The funny thing is, when i see other overweight people i can completely look past their weight and see them for the lovely people they are but i cant seem to do that for myself.

I think the reason I get so frustrated is because theres so many things in life that we can have self controll with but there seems to be a mental block with have a healthy lifestyle.

It is a vicious cycle as when I eat bad foods , I feel depressed, have no energy and an upset stomach so what do I do.. order a takeaway because I cant be bothered to cook! I think my eating habits have harmed my health too because every time I eat cereal, egg, bread or pasta i have a bad stomach.

Thank you all for replying. It means a lot!