My house is never gonna be clean enough.

[Kage30]

I would consider myself a bit of a clean and tidy person generally, like a clean house but my house is far from a show home. I tidy as much as I can with 2 kids with sen, I hoover daily, mop daily, wash the bedding weekly. Bathroom cleaned regularly, laundry kept on top of, sides always wiped, dishes done etc. Clutter is a big trigger for me so try and keep it tidy, laundry away etc.

But I never have time to deep clean and feel guilty about it thinking my house isn't clean enough. Things like cleaning the skirting boards, pulling things out to vacuum underneath, windows etc? I don't dust as often as I should. My oven hasn't been cleaned in months. I need to hoover under the kids beds again as seems to be a hotspot for mess!!

I feel like I'm drowning. Once the basic things are done, I feel like I have little time to 'deep clean'. Wardrobes are a mess as both Dp and the kids just pull things out and drag everything else with it and dump it back in

I'm struggling to keep on top of all the things I would like to do.

Not really an aibu. Buy anyone else feel like this?! Where your house looks pretty clean but when you look in the corners and the skirting boards or in the cupboards it's not!

It takes a lot of effort to keep it at the standard it is.

I follow different cleaning accounts and some of the house look immaculate. Like every inch of the house is sparkling.

As well as that some people I know seem to have effortlessly clean houses. I'm always tidying of cleaning and it is still not clean.

Also, desperately need to decorate but no spare money and no spare time so that's not going to be happening any time soon. My kitchen is old and need a new one.

I just feel down amongst all the insta perfect houses.

I wish I could relax and not worry about it.

To add, I'm not working at the minute but with two kids with sen and a Dp working 12 hours a day, it's hard to find time to deep clean.

I've cleaned all day and just feel like it's not enough!

@thepeopleversuswork

This is the second thread I have seen today about women driven to the brink of anxiety by ludicrously unrealistic, commercially driven Instagram influencers who get paid to be professional Stepford Wives.

It’s as if feminism never happened.

I despair that people have been reduced to feeling anxiety about not doing enough deep cleans.

OP: what you are seeking is an illusion and it will drive you mad if you continue down this road. Just step away from this.

Oh cmon, this isn’t about influencers, the op has personal responsibility, she’s proactively going looking. No one forces her to sit down and watch cleaning and other peoples homes.

A small minority have struggled since the dawn of time. It doesn’t matter if it’s tv, other peoples homes, magazines, adverts, some people compare themselves to others and go looking for it. And both men and women do it.

There’s a thread on there right now from one woman whose husband wants to keep their home pristine as they have renovated.

Influencers are not to blame. Just like your neighbours house, your mates house, a magazine, a tv show or an advert is not to blame.

@Kingharoldshairstyle

Of course it isn't about influencers. It's about a culture which for some reason fetishises women (and it is always women) cleaning as a hobby. It's fucked up.

If you unpick this a bit what does that tell you? That people are reviving a cultural trope from the 1950s and trying to give it a new spin for the era. In the 1950s very few middle class women worked. Housework and cleaning were preoccupations. Men enjoyed having women at home and not working because it was a stealth status symbol (and made their lives easier). Chuck in a good bit of misogyny and you have a nice toxic cultural archetype about how women were basically servants for men.

Fast forward to 2022. The proportion of women who don't work outside the home has shrunk significantly. Women should feel further from this sort of bullshit than they have at any point in their history. But they don't.

Women, both those who do work and those who don't, still shoulder well over 90% of domestic work. And for some bizarre reason people make Youtube videos and Instagram channels with women who get paid to make housework look glamorous. They actually celebrate this massive power imbalance.

I don't really understand what's happening here to make women who should have more economic freedom and agency in their lives now than at any point in their history think this is a useful way to spend their time or mental energy. And to actually celebrate it.

But I do know that there aren't men making themselves mentally ill worrying about deep cleans and whether they are dusting enough.

Stop following cleaning accounts on Instagram. Take up a messy creative hobby (painting, pottery …). You will feel soooooo much better!

Cleaning accounts are no more realistic than anything else on social media. And worrying about housework stops you enjoying your life and doing more useful stuff. Stop following them, and crack on with living your life.

Stop looking at Instagram!

The term ‘deep cleaning’ used to be reserved for e.g. operating theatres, where it is all too necessary.
Normal people would do a ‘thorough’ clean now and then - like the traditional ‘spring cleaning’, which was more necessary in the days of coal fires and the associated mess and dust.

Relax. You’re evidently doing plenty! Probably more than many, and remember, nobody ever died of a bit of mess and dust.

My advise, spend time playing with your kids whilst they are little. They grow up so quickly. Leave the show home until your kids are grown and gone. Honestly when you are old no one looks back and thinks gosh I wish I had dusted my skirting more. They think I wish I spent more time playing with kids not cleaning. Kids grow up remembering how happy their childhood was, not how much cleaning their Mum got done.

@thepeopleversuswork

I honestly couldn’t disagree with you more. There are plenty of influencers, on very ,any subjects Inc women in business on. Cleaning is actually a tiny majority snf is certainly not fetishised. Yes the op might fetishise it, but I certainly don’t, nor do I know any one who does. In fact I and most of thr women I know, have cleaners and don’t even do that stuff ourselves. We work and outsource.

You already do a lot!

1. Delete instagram, or at least unfollow those accounts
2. Read the organised mum.
3. Invest in a roomba

Stop looking at Instagram.
Those images will have scuffs and other signs of life removed so that they can command their money from sponsors. When your kids have left home and you're retired, you wont regret having the perfect pantry but you'll probably long for the days when they wanted to go out and play with you. Many of those influencers will probably have professionals clean before the photo shoots. Think about it- if you can command £500 for a sponsored post and professionals will deep clean for £250, you can hire the professionals and still make £250. Plus filters and stuff will make things look showroom perfect.

You sound like you're doing a fab job - don't be so hard on yourself.

Instagram is not real. Repeat. Instagram is not real. Are you in good health? Are your kids ok? Do you have fleas and other parasites living in your house? If the answer to this is “no”, your house is clean enough. If you really must deep clean do it once or twice a year and get your DH to help. But do you know too much cleaning, especially with bleach and all the other nonsense recommended online is actually worse for you and the environment than a bit of dust and dirt.

Op have you considered counseling or theapey.
It seems very obvious to me that something isn't right in your life or past And this is how it's manifesting itself.

If you can work out what it is you and your family will be happier.
Obsessive cleaning is intrusive for everyone who lives in the house unfortunately esp children.

It's just as damaging as an alcoholic, drugs , smoking..

@Kingharoldshairstyle

With respect you're missing my point.

You keep coming back to Instagram and influencers but the point I'm making is broader than that. I'm talking about turning cleaning into a hobby/obsession. Forget social media. Spending all your time worrying that you're not cleaning enough (and posting about it seeking help) is a sign of someone who is mentally pretty unwell.

I'm just suggesting we give some thought to why this poster and others apparently want to spend all their free time cleaning. I don't know the answer to why but for some reason there's this unpleasant new cultural zeitgeist about making cleaning into an artform (by women).

We need to be asking why young women, who have more material and social advantages available to them now than at any time in history, want to voluntarily go back to a time when their value was measured solely in terms of what utility they have to their husband/family.

1. shut the door and take the kids to the park, you won’t see it then.
2. pay someone else to do the minging bits like skirting boards oven cleans and under sofas.
3. it’s not their real lives, it’s like comparing your holiday photos when you were a kid to your normal boring day to day lives!

I would go further than saying you're doing enough cleaning, or unfollow cleaning people on Instagram, I have had an epiphany in the last year, and it is this: You will never be on top of things. Ever. Rather than being a depressing defeatist thought, it is massively freeing. By trying to get to a future state of everything being clean you are setting yourself up to fail every day. The same principle applies to work to do lists, personal admin, everything really.
I would highly recommend the Oliver Burkeman book 4000 weeks to read more about this idea. I have genuinely found it life changing. We're so bombarded by the messages about goals, and self improvement, and becoming more efficient that it's quite a tricky mindset change, but well worth reading up on!

The above maybe sounds like he's saying to give up trying to be clean for instance, which he absolutely isn't. There are definitely going to be ways of improving whatever you might want to improve, it's just not to live with a constantly unrealistic view of what you will likely never achieve hanging over you

@thepeopleversuswork, we will need to agree to disagree, as I do not believe the ops view is something that afflicts a large percentage of people. I simply don’t. So we need to agree to disagree,

Op, is it less the house isn’t clean but more it’s a little tired, you throw in at the end thay it needs decorating and the kitchen needs replacing, sometimes stuff that’s tired just doesn’t have the fresh feel. If you’re comparing to others homes on line then that would lead to dissatisfaction, so best to not look.

Mrs Hinch is a professional liar and had a brand and manager wayyyy before she had a home cleaning account.
She isn’t there to clean her house, but to advertise brands. She doesn’t even clean her house.
Anyone who modems themselves on her needs to enjoy their life a bit more