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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel peeved that DD's BALLET teacher gives most attention to....

48 replies

SugarSkyHigh · 05/01/2008 20:59

girls in the class who have achieved a Distinction in their exams........ at age 9 surely they are too young to be singled out like this? or is it a case of - young talent must be nurtured!! in which case, i think MY DD is talented, she only missed a distinction by a few marks!

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Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 05/01/2008 21:00

well, 10 marks, but who cares?

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NineUnlikelyTales · 05/01/2008 21:03

Do you think she is paying more attention to those who take it more seriously though?

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 05/01/2008 21:09

no - my dd takes it more seriously than you might think -plus she is actually v. good (according to other people)

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NineUnlikelyTales · 05/01/2008 21:11

Well as you're all paying the same amount everyone is entitled to receive the same amount of atention in theory but ballet teachers always seem to hone in on the real talent (as they see it). Maybe just encourage your daughter to put in an extra 10% at each class for a month or two and see what happens? If she's as good as people say she is she should be getting distinctions too.

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 05/01/2008 21:14

true!
apparently exams are not the be all and end all tho.

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hercules1 · 05/01/2008 21:15

No, yanbu.

blossomsmine · 05/01/2008 23:58

YANBU...but....this is kind of what happens with dance in my experience. My dd dances and all her different teachers for each type of dance always pay more attention/interest on the ones who they feel are more serious/talented or maybe just 'their' kind of dancer. Not fair, and many parents get upset, but i am afraid it does happen.

smartiejake · 06/01/2008 00:08

I know how you feel. I hate this row thing dance teacher's seem to use. The ones in the front row always seem to come in for more attention. It does nothing for kids who are keen but maybe don't have so much ability.

Or those who are younger. dd2 is the youngest by 2 years in her grade 4 ISTD modern class (she's only 9). The 13 and 14 year olds are given so much more attention.

We all pay the same.

notjustmom · 06/01/2008 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soapbox · 06/01/2008 00:17

Sugar - as a ballet mum of many years can I suggest that there is about a one in a million chance that your DD will ever become a professional ballerina. On that basis, just chill, sit back and enjoy the crap wonderful ballet shows, provide the sluttish glamorous outfits and let her get on with it.

If she is the one in a million then make a fuss, otherwise it is all about the difference between the front row centre stage or the back row stage left at the once a year show

bookwormmum · 06/01/2008 00:24

A good teacher should be able to watch all the children during the lessons at least once though . When I did ballet about one hundred years ago, we had to take it in turns being in the front row (rotating around to the back) so no one could hide in the back row or hog the front. I always seemed to be in the front row practising centre work jetes . My teacher had blatant favourites as well - I put her seeming dislike of me down to me being taller than her at 15 than she was at 26 .

I just provide the money demanded now and grit my teeth that my dd enjoys ballet, without worrying that she'll be overlooked. She never sees a slight to her whereas I was always ready to see one against me - still am, in fact.

Scramble · 06/01/2008 00:38

I am a ballet mum too and I think my DD is amazing, she didn't get distinction but then again I didn't pay for extra extra lessons and drill her for hours. She came out of the exam saying that was fun.

At the shows often the same ones are at the front but froma practical point of veiw at this age the stronger dancers that remeber the steps lead the not so strong dancers.

I decided a long time ago not to get stressed and to just let her enjoy it for now. Out of interest though how was the distinct one being singled out?

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 09:27

Hi everyone thanks for all the comments!
A few replies/comments from me now i have emerged from my bed lol
(how tragic the first thing i do is check this thread)!
soapbox i am aware there is a one in a million chance of ANY of the girls in the class EVER even coming close to being a prinicpal ballerina - don't worry i know what it's like. Infact i have no desire at all for DD to take it up as a career for this very reason - it seems doomed to failure for anyone unless they are that literally one in a million. And just imagine even being in the corps at a dance company - even that life sounds pretty miserable so i have no illusions or ambitions in that direction.

scramble - well the distinct one got a solo at the show, gets fawned over in class and was singled out by teaacher for a visiting royal ballet teacher to 'have a look at'. Said RB teacher's feedback was that it was too early to say, plus she was equally impressed by my DD.

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HonoriaGlossop · 06/01/2008 10:25

I just wouldn't give this headspace, I think you should not worry about it. your daughter is still getting tuition and her ability will come to the fore regardless; I remember when I did ballet as a child, my teacher was AWFUL for paying attention not only to the girls she thought were best, but also the ones with the 'raight' accent!!! Which was certainly not me, I was from the wrong side of the tracks for sure

However i DID get distinction in my first exam. If it's there it's there and the examiners will spot it.

However what I would say is that even despite the distinctions, my interest in ballet waned and I gave up. With another teacher perhaps I would have been enthused; so rather than getting cross with this teacher perhaps you should just take the bull by the horns and try another?

tigermoth · 06/01/2008 10:42

Can you sit in on the classes - so parents ever do this? If so, could that help rein in any blatent favouritism?

When I went to dance classes I accepted that the more experienced dancers were positioned at the front so the rest of us could copy them. But I also remember my confidence being knocked by witnessing the favouritism shown by some teachers to the best dancers. I remember them making quite personal comments to me in front of other children on our appearance for instance. This did not help when I hit the self conscious, teenage years.

I'd be cross if I sensed the teachers seemed to like the some of the children more than others - d not caring if the other children or their parents felt left out.

bookwormmum · 06/01/2008 11:26

Ironically the poorer/less advanced dancers should be at the front so the teacher can help them more than the girls who know the steps.

I'd find another ballet school if I were you.

cory · 06/01/2008 16:30

I found it helpful to actually let go a bit with my dd's ballet lessons after the toddler stage. My dc's ballet school only allow parents in once a term for the review, and I find it quite a relief tbh. Since she has no ambitions (or enough talent) for a career in dancing, I don't feel I have any duty to push her- so whatever happens in class is between her and the ballet teacher. Unless she was actively being bullied by the teacher, I really would think it was inappropriate for me to get too closely involved in what was happening in class. Children need the independence to deal with a classroom situation on their own without being protected by their parents every single moment of the day. Unless, as I say, there is a bullying situation- that's different.
There are some very talented children in my dd's class, and obviously they get the solo parts at shows. My dd sometimes gets cross about it, but I see it as a valuable learning experience for her. And for me- the instinct to overprotect is very strong.

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 16:45

I have been informed elsewhere that 9 yrs is too young to be able to tell potential, and that exam results are all very well but quite frankly she will be seen on her training plus potential & capacity (natural body type, musicality etc etc) not her exam results.

But plenty of food for thought here, thank you all!

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Kbear · 06/01/2008 16:49

There are plenty of ballet schools where the emphasis is on fun and friendship rather than distinctions and exams. If you don't like the teacher why not change school?

bookwormmum · 06/01/2008 16:54

Most children will have dropped out of ballet by the time they're in yr8 and a lot of the ones who are left will certainly drop out by the time they leave school. The ones who stay in ballet training after 16 will be the ones with some potential for a career in dance (not necessarily ballet). You have plenty of time yet.

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 16:58

Kbear: no, I won't move her - she's too settled, and it IS a nice school with nice teachers really.... it just kind of pisses me off more than my DD. On average there are usually no more than 7 in the class which is great, so the 'row' thing isn't relevant : they are all in the front row for every class! I guess what i really mean is that it MUST be kind of demoralising deep down not only for my DD but others in the class who are showing less potential than my DD even. And all at an age where it really doesn't matter!

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Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 17:00

thanks bookworm; yes she does also do tap & modern & got through an audition for Tring. I don't want her to dance as a career necessarily but I think there are plenty of dance related things you can do later on if she so wishes.

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bookwormmum · 06/01/2008 17:03

Tring is the school featured on that ballet video 'how to be a ballerina' isn't it?

MrsWeasley · 06/01/2008 17:06

We gave up Dance in September It's amazing how UN-stressed our lives are now!

Original poster

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 17:08

bookworm i've not heard of the vid. but i wouldn't be surprised

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