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to feel peeved that DD's BALLET teacher gives most attention to....

48 replies

SugarSkyHigh · 05/01/2008 20:59

girls in the class who have achieved a Distinction in their exams........ at age 9 surely they are too young to be singled out like this? or is it a case of - young talent must be nurtured!! in which case, i think MY DD is talented, she only missed a distinction by a few marks!

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ladymariner · 06/01/2008 17:24

Gosh, how lucky am I to have a son and to spend hours at the side of freezing athletic tracks .
My bf's little girl goes to a dance school and it seems to me a licence to print money! The teachers are held in the esteem of gods by the children, their woed is absolute law, and then there are the hours and hours sat sewing sequins on, doing hair and make-up into unbelievable styles having first been instructed as to the exact length of it in the first place, and then having to sit through those dance festivals for days on end!!!!!
Yup, definately athletics tracks every time

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 17:28

i pref. this to the idea of athletics - yuk! as for sequins etc. - my DD has only ever had to wear a lplain leotard, does her own hair into a bun, and has never worn makeup in her life. I wouldn't want her to go thro what yr friend's DD does... and my DD doesn't do dance for that.

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bookwormmum · 06/01/2008 17:38

I pulled my dd out of ballroom classes when the teacher (who also taught me in the adult classes) wanted to pair her up with a little boy to start competitive dancing . My dd was 6 at the time!!

SugarSkyHigh · 06/01/2008 17:51

yikes bookworm all that stuff is scary i agree...

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southeastastra · 06/01/2008 17:55

aw my ballet teacher moved me to the front of the class as i was so bad. i left shortly afterwards .

cory · 07/01/2008 09:10

If I get you right, Sugar, this is not one of the ghastly competitive get-to-the-top-or-die situations as such; it's more about how you feel as a Mum when your child doesn't get the attention you feel is her due.

Frankly, I think there is a valuable general lesson here. By the time our children get to junior school, a very important part of our job as parents is to learn to let go. They need to grow up. You shouldn't know every detail of her life. Let her get used to telling you when she needs your help (and even then recognise that it may not always be appropriate to intervene- sometimes they only need the licence to rant).
It is perfectly possible that this affects you much more than it affects her- but if your anxiety rubs off on her, then you are actually feeding her quite unnecessary problems. So be careful. It's her life, she doesn't have to be upset about it unless she chooses to; it is not for you to make that choice for her.
Slope off, stay away from lessons, go to the pub, treat yourself! And when you do speak to her about her dancing focus on the
positives until she tells you otherwise.

Speaking as somebody who had to bury my nose in coleslaw so as not to see my 7yo getting beaten in every game at the Christmas party. . But I was glad I did- he was perfectly happy 5 minutes later, so at least I hadn't projected my feelings onto him.

I know the fear that they will grow up insecure and lacking in confidence- but frankly, how big a part of her life is ballet lessons going to be? If she is reasonably well supported at school and loved and cherished at home and if you don't blow the ballet school out of proportion, it's unlikely to affect the way she sees herself for ever after.

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 14:13

"If I get you right, Sugar, this is not one of the ghastly competitive get-to-the-top-or-die situations as such; it's more about how you feel as a Mum when your child doesn't get the attention you feel is her due."

Yes cory that is exactly it!
thank youfor your words of wisdom....

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littleboo · 07/01/2008 14:24

Ballet school have always been like this and no doubt they always will. The teachers put themselves in such high esteem, which unfortunately most of the parents feed. I went on to train at The Central school of Ballet, which is one of the schools that feeds the English National and have seen this situation over and over. My dd1 did do some ballet at a younger age, but I was so glad we didn't pursue it, she wasn't the most elegant I have to say and is much better suited to other things.
Sugar.... why didn't your daughter take up the place at TRING??

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 15:08

littleboo - she has taken the place to do musical theatre as an associate at tring. But ballet teacher told me not to audition for ballet associates at Tring - said it would be better for dd to stay with her. I said we were not intending to leave her (current teacher) but some people do both. Teacher said don't do both, so I kept her at current place.

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SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 15:08

p.s. it's dd who wants to do all this, not me being pushy, honest!!

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yurt1 · 07/01/2008 15:13

"it just kind of pisses me off more than my DD. "

So let it go.

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 15:37

well, i didn't do the op to be told just let it go, i guess i know that already, believe it or not! the fact that i hadn't let it go yet led me to start the thread

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SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 15:40

the fact that my dd was ff rather than bf also pissed me off more than it did her, but being told to just let it go is easier said than done. i know this is a different issue but it will potentially affect her self-esteem and is arguably more important!! that is, if she picks up on what is happening in class, which she haasn't so far. and being valued in other classes elsewhere does counteract that.

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yurt1 · 07/01/2008 15:56

"it will potentially affect her self-esteem and is arguably more important!! that is, if she picks up on what is happening in class, which she haasn't so far. "

If you don't make an issue of it I doubt she'll even notice. I seriously think you are making far far more of this than you have to.

FWIW I used to do ballet- think I got a distinction once, although I border on dyspraxic. Definitely got a merit. My ballet partner - who used to wet herself in every exam won a scholarship to Tring as a boarder and has stayed in ballet. I barely noticed she was considerably better than me. I don;t think she knew how much better than the rest of us she was. I sometimes used to tag along to the extra sessions she had with our teacher and amuse myself whilst they danced- again I barely noticed she was getting extra attention. I DO remember the girl in the class who wasn't that good (about my level probably) with the irritating father who used to stop the lesson to ask questions. I remember being bored every time he interrupted.

Aren't these out of school activities meant to be a bit of fun?

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 16:23

at father interrupting lesson to ask questions - what a pain lol

yes, a bit of fun for DD.
perhaps i'm sensitive because at school she's (ahem) not the most academic of children and this is something she loves, tries hard in, and may use later on if she has a dance-related career (NOT, i hasten to add, as the next Darcy Bussell)!

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littleboo · 07/01/2008 16:52

Sugar -think the musical theatre option is by far a better idea.... far more oportunities anyway. Interesting that your teacher suggested she stay with her for the ballet though.... wonder whos best interest this is in. have to say I tend to be fairly cynical as regards local ballet teachers ( i know there some that are great,well good, but also a lot of those who "sadly never quite made it and went into teaching, Not really those that wanted to teach it from the beginning or perhaps were dancers whom had a career and then retired!. ( just my cynical opinion here I have to say.
I just wonder if the standard of teaching at Tring would be better than that you already have sugar, if your lo is really keen.
As far as the bf bit, try not to let yourself get worked up, there will always be favorites and sadly in this "lovey" kind of world it does bring out the worst in some people. Just support your lo , let her do as much as she wants to do, when she wants to.

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 20:12

Littleboo, interesting you think Musical theatre has more options, I didn't know that, but when you think about it...! ballet is a great basis for other forms of dance tho isn't it. DD actually wants to be a fashion designer (!!) at the moment. she is quite creative. Might end up designing stage costumes, you never know.

your thoughts re. dance teacher's view of Tring are interesting too... i won't go into detail on here about other things that might back up what you are saying.

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deste · 07/01/2008 20:15

I agree with the majority, dont fuss. If she has talent and I am sure she has it will shine through. The same happened at my daughters ballet class. Two sisters were pushed forward for everything and the rest were left behind. My dd just slogged on until she was 18. The two sisters were not good enough for dance college and mine went on to a top drama school in London where she regularly is the class dance captain. The mother did not speak much before as her two were superior to the rest of the class, she does not speak at all now. Pay back time.

deste · 07/01/2008 20:18

Forgot to add mine also got a place on the musical theatre course at Tring but we found it too expensive.

SugarSkyHigh · 07/01/2008 20:25

omg it's a jungle out there deste!
well done to your DD!
oh, the m.t. my DD's doing at Tring is only a couple of hours a week extra class they run for people who don't actually go to the school.

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deste · 09/01/2008 20:12

This was for the full time Musical theatre course. We liked the school it was beautiful but I do remember the bedrooms looked as they had been furnished from a skip. We tried every way we could to finance it but we could not justify the cost. It's just as well as we would have been paying for it for years after leaving the school.

ifnotwhynot · 31/01/2008 16:12

Sugarskyhigh, I think if your dd is in such a small class she will be getting all the attention she needs to get on, especially if she is talented, as you say. I think it is a good idea to opt for the MT course at Tring as it keeps options open for later. Will she audition for a full time place there, or elsewhere? Incidentally, I don't think that 9 is too young to spot potential as serious dance training needs to start at about 8 years of age, if a professional career is aspired to. I'm sure your daughter's potential in dance will have been considered when offering this place.I agree that exams aren't everything, although they are, of course, an indication. Do you mind saying what grade she has just taken? Obviously, the higher the grade, the harder it is to get a distinction, especially at her age. Finally, I echo previous comments about chilling out and letting your dd enjoy her classes - easier said than done, sometimes, but her true talent and potential will guide her in the right direction whatever happens!!

RememberWhen07 · 10/11/2022 19:40

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