Am I a scumbag, for not settling for what he's offering

[Elizabethstongue]

It's a long one, and very outing. But I don't know anyone who's gone through a divorce and need advice please.
Husband left in October. Married just under 4 years, together 10. I have DS 15 from a previous relationship. He's raised him as his own. We have a mortgage on a house together, tenants in common. I'm still in the house, H paying full mortgage, won't take half off of me as 'it's his mortgage' (not that I could afford it anyway)
In November he wanted to discuss the house. He wants to buy me out, but only pay me half the equity minus the legal fees and stamp duty. He thinks the deposit we put into it is his and he's being generous in giving me half the equity. I said I deserve more as I helped with that deposit and he made a comment that the bank wouldn't let him borrow more than half the equity. So I'm guessing he only wants to give me that as its the easiest way for him.
His GP gifted us 20k towards deposit.
We saved a further 13k for deposit, and then had roughly 6k on legal fees and stamp duty.
He is saying HE saved that money. But I was paying for other things and bills so that he could put the money aside in savings. We was married whilst we saved for the house if that's relevant. And married when his GPs gifted us the money.
When speaking about the house, I said I would have to think about what he had proposed and discuss it and he said if you get legal advice I will make sure I get a better solicitor than you and you will come away with nothing.
We tried councelling after this but he has decided he no longer wants to continue the marriage.
He is living rent free in a friend's spare room.
He has called me this evening to discuss the house again. I have said I want to sell and split 50/ 50 and if he has any savings I won't go after them. He has called me a scumbag and all other names under the sun for suggesting this.
Aibu? What would you think I would be entitled to after a short marriage? And no children together? Am I a scumbag for wanting more than he is offering?

@Elizabethstongue

I've probably not explained what he said properly, he said if we take the equity and he takes his GPs money, and he takes the deposit out of it that we saved together, and he takes out the stamp duty and fees. And then the remainder we split 50/50

I would think you would take the GP contribution out and of course take out any fees/cost as they should be shared. Then split the rest. The deposit is part of the equity (minus the GP bit)

As above , get a solicitor appointment- get some legal advice on what might be deemed fair. Ignore the "I've got a better lawyer" BS.
Good luck x

OP just get some proper legal advice instead of asking randoms on the internet what they think

@Iwonder08

No, I wouldn't go and see a solicitor. The half of Equity you want vs what is offering is likely to be less than the solicitor's fees. I think after such a short marriage it would be unfair of you to demand 50/50. You should absolutely give him back 20k gift. In your shoes I would come back with the counter offer: sell the house, pay off mortgage, deduct 20k and then split it in half. You have a good argument that you enabled him to save the money for the rest of the deposit and small legal fees.

This.

Its all well and good, people saying "get a shit hot lawyer". But given then values its likey that will end with both of them walking away with barely anything.

Yeah I'd let him keep the money his GP gave you, I morally wouldn't feel right fighting for that. But defo split the rest 50/50.

Don't let him take out the stamp duty or legal fees - cheeky fuck. You'd be better off selling the house to a third party than doing that.

He's a bully. Legal advice is the only way.

Please see a solicitor
He is not your ‘friend’ anymore and you are most definitely not a scumbag

It depends how much money you're talking about. My best friend is currently going down the legal route and her fees are £20k plus and it's no where near sorted.
Try sit down together with an unbiased friend to come to an agreement

What he's proposing sounds reasonable to me. There's not a great deal of money to fight over. A short marriage. No kids. Half the equity seems fair.

@girlmom21

Don't let him take out the stamp duty or legal fees - cheeky fuck. You'd be better off selling the house to a third party than doing that.

Not read all of this, but these are shared costs.

@AuntyBumBum I assumed he means the stamp duty and legal fees for him buying the house from her - not their original purchase.

And unless he paid for the original purchases stamp duty and legal fees himself, he's not entitled to remove them from the purchase this time around.

If he buys the house from her he has to pay stamp. If they sold the house and whet their separate ways this house would obviously incur no further stamp duty, survey costs etc so why should she have to pay for those?

Have you had an estate agent round and do you know the value you can expect and what fees you'd pay to sell? You also need to know the legal fees for selling.
While you need a fair settlement, there's also the danger that if you force it above what he can borrow you both just spend the difference on fees.
Presumably you know his income so you could put it into calculators to see if he is being truthful about this.

Also do you have a pension as it works both ways.

I'd send a conciliatory message that doesn't agree to anything to say you don't want to fall out or waste the equity in legal fees but you just need to get your head round the figures.

I do agree it would be worth the cost of an appointment to get a rough idea where you stand so you have a better idea what is reasonable.
Presumably you can't afford to buy him out so it is a case that he might get more but you won't necessarily get less because selling will cost you both

@Iwonder08

No, I wouldn't go and see a solicitor. The half of Equity you want vs what is offering is likely to be less than the solicitor's fees. I think after such a short marriage it would be unfair of you to demand 50/50. You should absolutely give him back 20k gift. In your shoes I would come back with the counter offer: sell the house, pay off mortgage, deduct 20k and then split it in half. You have a good argument that you enabled him to save the money for the rest of the deposit and small legal fees.

I would ignore this advice in this instance and absolutely go and see a solicitor.

I went with a friend who was divorcing and the solicitor was fabulous, gave excellent advice in writing so friend knew what she was entitled to but crucially advised her to keep things as amicable as possible to save costs. This ended up being the case as her ex was pretty reasonable.

The ex in this case wants to stiff op and leave her with nothing. He’s threatening her if she even attempts to engage legal advice. Op you need to see a good solicitor even if it’s just to help you plan your next steps.

I'm a bit confused.

The equity (sale value of house minus mortgage and legal fees) is £45-65k and he wants to give you half. That's your only marital asset, and it includes the £20k his GP put in. That seems more than generous to me.

Have I missed something?

Also, as well as the wrangling of the house, you say he's still the parents. Unless he adopted your child, he isn't. There is a high chance he won't carry the relationship on with your child no matter how reasonable you are. He's already called you a scumbag and threatened you. Probably best to separate your child from him as well

I think this is a situation where you would be wise to pay for a one off appointment with a solicitor for advice. You'll get to sit down with them for an hour or so and go through your options, it'll be money well spent, you can ask for the advice in writing and your mind will be clearer afterwards.

I agree with pp take off the 20k and split the rest, the cost of going legal isn't worth it for the amount of money involved imo.

Take GP's money out of the situation and split the rest but I would see a solicitor about this just to be on the safe side.

Surely as you're married, transfer of your half of the property won't include SDLT? If you're selling the property to a third party, there's no SDLT incurred on selling only on purchaser.

I would try to reach agreement on this. People always advise getting lawyers involved but it’s really not a good idea as the legal fees will use up the money and you might have very little left.

Don't negotiate with him. Take advantage of a solicitor and leave financial matters only with them. They have an advantage in having no emotional attachment and won't be manipulated by his attempted use of emotional blackmail. You know you contributed equally to the deposit etc, you are not being unreasonable so stick to your guns

Get legal advice. You don't need to tell him you are doing this.
Also, I can't see why he is deducting the cost of the the Stamp Duty etc, that's not normally part of the equation.

HNRTT but you called his bluff, OP. Get advice and see what he comes back with. Regarding his opinion and insults, it's broadly irrelevant.

If you've been together for 10 years and married for 4 and he has parented your DS then seek advice rather than agreeing to a sale. Depending on where you live, you might find the uncertainty concerning the courts might concentrate his mind.

Good luck.

Why do you think he doesn't want you to get advice, OP. and threatened you?

Don't agree anything regarding equity, savings and CM if married and he had a parental role if you've been together for 10 years.

Good luck.