To suggest that if you have been disinherited

[Beedance]

You should consult a lawyer.

I do know of a will where the beneficiaries had to prove by DNA that they were the DCs of the parent who had died.

If the beneficiaries decided not to do the test then the estate would go to the charity named in the disaster clause. The charity forced the issue so DCs did their tests. One DC was not the biological offspring of the parent.

The will had been written shortly after a messy divorce, possibly with the intention of getting back at the ex wife.

Fortunately the DC who inherited split the inheritance 50/50 with the disinherited sibling.

I’ve also known of DNA demands on wills. Filthy behaviour cos the beneficiaries didn’t know they were donor eggs.

My adoptive parents made their wills in the seventies when they retired and basically left everything to my brother, on the understanding that he would be the one living locally and looking out for them, especially if my father predeceased my mother, which is what happened.
My sister and I were left some money each which probably seemed substantial in the seventies. When DM died in 2001, it wasn't. So DB and SIL ended up living in a million pound house with grounds and my DS bought a posh sofa with her inheritance. I think I bought a long case clock with mine.
Fair enough, as DB had been there for them.
I could wish though that my brother had given me something personal of my mother's as a keepsake. I asked for one of the rings that she wore daily but was told no.

@GnomeDePlume

I do know of a will where the beneficiaries had to prove by DNA that they were the DCs of the parent who had died.

If the beneficiaries decided not to do the test then the estate would go to the charity named in the disaster clause. The charity forced the issue so DCs did their tests. One DC was not the biological offspring of the parent.

The will had been written shortly after a messy divorce, possibly with the intention of getting back at the ex wife.

Fortunately the DC who inherited split the inheritance 50/50 with the disinherited sibling.

Well done to them. I know people say you have to respect the deceased's wishes but once the money is yours it is your wishes that count.

@Brefugee

I think anyone leaving any kind of will, estate or legacy should be aware that if they don't treat their children the same (or all their grandchildren the same as one another, or even treat nephews and nieces the same as other nephews and nieces or whatever, though less significant than own direct descendants) there is an incredibly high chance of destroying relationships between the people they leave behind.

meh Why should they care? they'll be dead.

I think that not enough people think about wills so that with blended families, you can have someone die, and their new spouse and their children inherit the family home, jewellery and so on and the biological children of the deceased get nothing, and it hadn't been intended like that.

Open and frank discussion while you are alive and in posession of all marbles is esential.

I think it does depend on circumstances. I'm struggling with it. I have 4 children, 6 GC. I suppose the logical thing (fair thing?) would be to split majority between kids and something for each GC but one GC is very close to me, lives with me and in some ways feels more like my son than my own sons do. Do I leave him more than the other GC? Do I reduce what his parent gets? Do I just leave him the same as the other GC? I'm finding it quite difficult.

@ancientgran IMO remember that this will may be in place long beyond the time when your DGS is still living with you.

While favouring the DGS may seem right now, in a few years time it may seem a lot less fair especially if DGS' relationship with you has changed as life happens to them and you.

To an extent it depends on the age of DGS and the reason why he is living with you. Is he dependent on you?

[quote GnomeDePlume]@ancientgran IMO remember that this will may be in place long beyond the time when your DGS is still living with you.

While favouring the DGS may seem right now, in a few years time it may seem a lot less fair especially if DGS' relationship with you has changed as life happens to them and you.

To an extent it depends on the age of DGS and the reason why he is living with you. Is he dependent on you?[/quote]
I don't see it as favouring him. He feels like my son so should I treat him like my son? I do now, sort out school issues, wash his clothes, make sure he has enough to eat and sleep etc. I love all my GC but the others are GC, I didn't give birth to him but then if I'd adopted a child he'd be mine even if I hadn't given birth to him. Of course the other thing is the others have parents who are caring for them, they don't see me as a parent in the way he does and they shouldn't.

It is difficult but his parents aren't together, neither of his step parents are exactly welcoming. He has always spent the majority of his time with me since he was a toddler until he moved in completely, changed schools to our local school.

I can always change a will if things change between us but then again would I change a will if life changed my relationship with the children I gave birth to?

I think it is complicated and I'm not sure what the answer is but I don't see it as being as straightforward as everyone gets an equal share.

I think it does depend on circumstances. I'm struggling with it. I have 4 children, 6 GC. I suppose the logical thing (fair thing?) would be to split majority between kids and something for each GC but one GC is very close to me, lives with me and in some ways feels more like my son than my own sons do. Do I leave him more than the other GC? Do I reduce what his parent gets? Do I just leave him the same as the other GC? I'm finding it quite difficult.

That would depend on the circumstances of him loving with you and if he always has.

My paternal GP’s split (in a complicated way) my father’s share between my siblings and I as they cared for his after his abuse came to light.
My maternal grandparents cut my mother out for the same reason, but opted just to split their estate between their two other children. My mother and one of their other children predeceased them and they chose to leave their other child’s share to their children, but not my mothers.

@thecatsthecats

My mum ended up falling out with her siblings when they jointly contested and won their dispute against the other sibling.

Only now none of them are talking, and most of the money was unreclaimable and went on lawyers.

I can acquire money in plenty of ways that don't damage my mental health or that of others. But then I think that about a lot of MN threads where people wind up the OP to pursue what is right, mindless to the damage that they cause in the process.

Unless there is a huge estate then the only winners in contested wills are the lawyers, see Jarndyce v Jarndyce!

When parents remarry they should take advice on their will however to protect the interests of their children's future, especially where there is an imbalance between the new couple's finances.

@ancientgran I wrote favouring in the sense that you would be treating him differently from your other DGCs.

In the circumstances you have described it seems that there is a certain level of estrangement from his parents. If you were to die while he is still in childhood should you consider leaving the majority of your estate to him? Possibly in some sort of trust? This could then be used to ensure he still keeps a roof over his head.

Are you able to have open and honest conversations with your DCs? If they can see your reasoning they may be supportive of seeing this DGC being the majority or sole beneficiary of your will. Effectively you would be treating him as a dependent child.