To suggest that if you have been disinherited

[Beedance]

You should consult a lawyer.

It was definitely the intention when my mother died. And just in case I hadn’t got the message she sent me a letter after her death saying how much she hated me and she wished me unhappiness and suffering for the rest of my life. 😂😂

I’m glad you’re free of her poison @QuebecBagnet

Having been involved (peripherally) in a 'sibling disinherited' situation - I can't think of anyone who deserved it more, to be honest. And the lawyer he attempted to engage presumably said the same, between tears of laughter, as after he announced he had an appointment with a lawyer to discuss it, we've not heard anything since.

Nobody 'deserves' inheritance, but some people absolutely do deserve to see the consequences of their actions.

It's not always clear cut.

(I'm sorry to those of you who were disinherited out of cruelty or for manipulative purposes, of course - that is horrible. But I hate the common perception that it's always wrong or unfair - it's not!)

@housemaus

(I'm sorry to those of you who were disinherited out of cruelty or for manipulative purposes, of course - that is horrible. But I hate the common perception that it's always wrong or unfair - it's not!)

People who say it's cruel or manipulative tend to miss out the massive back story.

My Dad has always said you need to leave everything equally because no matter how much the disinherited child deserves it, you leave all the aggravation and upset to the ones you intended to favour.

People who say it's cruel or manipulative tend to miss out the massive back story.

Sometimes children are poisonous. Sometimes parents are poisonous. You can’t generalise, and it’s quite hard to guess from the outside.

Often in dysfunctional dynamics, an awful lot of masking goes on, presenting a public front to the world. Folly to imagine other people’s families are easy to understand.

I took an elderly relative to live with and care for her. When she needed to make a new will as people in it were now deceased or elderly themselves , the solicitor, in front of me , told her that he thought I should inherit her house. I think this is done.
I know my sister will kick off as she might have expected equal shares . She had done occasional shopping and meals- which she was paid for . But that was before I took this relation in . I know and I think most people know that I do deserve this . And she will get some cash . But I fear her sense of entitlement will cause a huge rift between. Unfortunately due to divorce , I won't be in a position to give her anything and even then , there may be other cousins seeking money.

I think anyone leaving any kind of will, estate or legacy should be aware that if they don't treat their children the same (or all their grandchildren the same as one another, or even treat nephews and nieces the same as other nephews and nieces or whatever, though less significant than own direct descendants) there is an incredibly high chance of destroying relationships between the people they leave behind.

meh Why should they care? they'll be dead.

I think that not enough people think about wills so that with blended families, you can have someone die, and their new spouse and their children inherit the family home, jewellery and so on and the biological children of the deceased get nothing, and it hadn't been intended like that.

Open and frank discussion while you are alive and in posession of all marbles is esential.

Yes if you think they are being coerced or otherwise taken advantage of, or if you are a dependent - otherwise no, its up to them what they do with their money even if they are being mean.

Contesting a will is likely to wind up like Jarndyce versus Jarndyce.

@ThatsNotItAtAll

Whilst I completely agree that as Slippy78 and others say nobody should expect an inheritance and elderly parents (or anyone else) should spend freely to make their own lives and old age especially comfortable and enjoyable, or indeed donate/ leave a legacy freely to well established, transparently accountable reputable charities ... I think anyone leaving any kind of will, estate or legacy should be aware that if they don't treat their children the same (or all their grandchildren the same as one another, or even treat nephews and nieces the same as other nephews and nieces or whatever, though less significant than own direct descendants) there is an incredibly high chance of destroying relationships between the people they leave behind.

If you leave your house to your son and nothing to your daughter, or leave one set of grandchildren 10k each and the other set a piece of jewelry without value each then no matter how ungrabby those people are they'll feel that you didn't love them equally.

Inheritance destroys relationships between family left behind where it's ostensibly very unfair, because it usually looks like a continuation of life long favouritism and rejection.

Sometimes manipulation and coercion is done by aslow drip over a year or a decade and could never really be proved.

Unless you're a dependant or have evidence of illegality there's probably no point contesting a will in England or Wales no - but people leaving "unfair" wills should be reconciled to the fact that doing so might very well permanently destroy any relationship between the descendants they leave behind.

Well said, it’s our bitter experience of exactly this happening.

I agree.

My friend was disinherited by his dad who left everything to his wife, my friends stepmother who was 40 years younger than his dad, a 5 year marriage.

His dad had leant him money to buy a flat- it was only a loan for tax purposes but after the dad died the stepmother took my friend to court and won the flat.

My friend and his wife and child were left homeless. He had a breakdown and was sectioned. His wife divorced him. He should have disputed the will.

I certainly think you should get legal advice as opposed to asking random internet strangers on Mumsnet about it. The "change the locks" standard of knowledge of the law usually comes out in force for the inheritance threads.

My brother will be getting nothing when my mum dies, she hasn't been cruel or unfair, he's a complete scumbag who for reasons I won't go into, doesn't deserve anything.

I'm reassured by this thread that he won't be able to make a claim

@Movinghouseatlast

I agree.

My friend was disinherited by his dad who left everything to his wife, my friends stepmother who was 40 years younger than his dad, a 5 year marriage.

His dad had leant him money to buy a flat- it was only a loan for tax purposes but after the dad died the stepmother took my friend to court and won the flat.

My friend and his wife and child were left homeless. He had a breakdown and was sectioned. His wife divorced him. He should have disputed the will.

@Movinghouseatlast

What a tragic outcome for your friend

But, disputing the will might not have led to a better outcome. You say "it was only a loan for tax purposes", but a loan is a loan

I know a couple of families where parent A dies, parent B remarries, B leaves everything to their new spouse and the child(ren) of A&B receive nothing. It's a terrible outcome, but really the onus is on B to ensure they provide for their children

Yes, I agree it may have changed nothing. I feel so sorry for him; as he lost everything. The stepmother inherited around 7 million all told, the 'loan' was £300,000 and she knew it was a gift dressed up as a loan to avoid tax. People can be so unbelievably horrible.

but people leaving "unfair" wills should be reconciled to the fact that doing so might very well permanently destroy any relationship between the descendants they leave behind.

They also need to be aware, sadly, that even if an unfair looking will is actually fair it’ll still likely cause trouble.

When my Grandad died I was 12 and lived with my Nana. She was acutely aware that I could end up homeless if she died. So she moved us to a small flat that was willed to me. She divided up everything else between two of her children and my siblings (my siblings and I were to get our father’s share as he’d been disowned by GP’s for abusing us). They all agreed, I’m the youngest of my siblings by almost 8 years, as the amounts were almost the same. Aunt & uncle used the money to upsize, siblings used it as a deposit.

Despite the fact that when she died my signing away my share to the other bits meaning the difference was less than a few hundred pounds, and I offered to balance that, I’m still the one that “got everything”.

Inheritance brings out the worst in many people sadly. Fair, unfair or otherwise.

@ElementalIllusions

When my mum dies I will only be inheriting 1/5th of the estate she has worked her entire like to build up (with no help from family and as a single parent) instead of the half I should have and would have gotten up until last year. That’s because my mum decided to marry a man she has only known for a few years who has no estate at all, but does have three children he barely sees who he wants to inherit half of ‘what is now half his’.

I’m sad that everything my mum worked her whole adult life for is mostly going to strangers she doesn’t know, but it is her decision, and it’s her money and assets to leave how she wants.

Did you have a thread about this recently? I remember thinking it'd never happen. I'm sorry to hear it has/will.

I apologise for a badly worded OP. You are all completely right and as this is, carefully but incompetently, not a TAAT IABU.

On the other hand if it was a TAAT IWNBU but by definition IWBU so U either way.

I do hope that anyone who was a child when losing a parent would get good legal advice if it subsequently emerged a relative had misappropriated their parent’s estate.

@girlmom21 I said it was manipulative (only sometimes obviously). My BIL was threatened with being disinherited because he was in a relationship with someone of a different race. Another one of my teenage relatives was threatened with being written out of a will because she left a room in a real mess after staying over. No deep backstory either time.

Obviously some people will feign innocent disbelief when they find themselves disinherited after years of being a shit to the person who’s gone, but sometimes it is a matter of someone lashing out.

An unfair will is not the cause of ruined relationships between descendents, thats down to how those people behave afterwards. No one forces a beneficiary to keep all the money and not share, and no one forces the disinherited to take out their resentment on their more fortunate relatives if they don't. If getting or keeping hold of the deceased's money is more important to people than their relationships with their remaining family, that's on them.

My dad told me he wanted to disinherit my brother as he had caused him nothing but heartbreak. Unfortunately he never got to change his will before he died.

It depends for instance if a father ends up leaving everything to a step mother and she tries to cut the children out of the will. I would challenge as I know my dad intended money would be shared between the children.

@girlmom21

If you don't want someone contesting a will give them a smaller inheritance. If you've got £100,000 to split between two give them £10,000 and leave the rest to the other person.

Most judges won't overrule a will if everyone is left something, even if it's not their 'fair' share.

That's advice we've been given by a solicitor.

Not true at all. I successfully disputed a will and had been left a five figure sum already.