Child Refugees Only?

[OurHouseInTheMiddleOfTheStreet]

Posting here for traffic, apologies if it’s been asked before…

We don’t have the space to take in a Ukrainian family, we also have three very young children to consider. That said, we would like to help if we can.

Is it possible to take in a child only ie someone that has been orphaned?

Would ages be taken into consideration?
For example, a child of similar age to DC would probably settle better in our home than a teenager?

I don’t want to sound as though as though I’m cherry picking but it’s a bit commitment.

Thanks.

The bulk of young children who are orphans will already have been orphans and will remain with their carers. It is largely teenagers who will be unaccompanied.

I am new to mumsnet, I have been scrolling over a few threads over the last week and seeing this made me register to post.
I am a foster carer with my husband, I have two young children myself and then two fostered teenagers that make up our family.

As the OP rightly says the idea of UAC going to specialised foster carers is fantasy as there is such a shortage, and they go where there is availability. Any foster carers I know are “Full” if there is a habitable room then that’s a bedroom.

Just because you have young children does not necessarily mean you are crady to consider this. But it is full on and so it should be, we care for traumatised children. Prior to fostering I was a manager of residential childrens home, and husband work full time in retail. I now do not work as my fostering role does not allow me too, and my husband works part time. Generally I think people feel I just spend my days at home or jollying about, but I am more busy now then I was when working as my role now required me to attend: training, support groups, meetings etc which all quickly mount up.

There is a level of supervision that is required to protect all in the household from abuse, allegations etc. We don’t leave our children in a room alone etc, our home is very open plan which is easier for us and very structured which plays a big part in us being able to manage all our 4 childrens needs which are different.
You tend to hear with fostering that you get a “calling” and that is so true, so if you are intrigued in fostering and wether this could suit you and your family, call your local authority

Unless the current rules change, unaccompanied minors will be placed with foster carers.

I am a foster carer and have three children living with me who were refugees.

It's very rewarding but there is a lot more to it than most people realise. They can have very many emotional issues because of what they have been through.

I don't know why you are getting a hard time . The country needs more dedicated foster carers who want to make a difference. If op is inspired to look into whether she can help a child whether ukrainian or not, what's wrong with that? I wouldn't do it while i have young children but i will strongly consider it when my own children are older.

KATS71136
I am new to mumsnet, I have been scrolling over a few threads over the last week and seeing this made me register to post.
I am a foster carer with my husband, I have two young children myself and then two fostered teenagers that make up our family.

As the OP rightly says the idea of UAC going to specialised foster carers is fantasy as there is such a shortage, and they go where there is availability. Any foster carers I know are “Full” if there is a habitable room then that’s a bedroom.

Just because you have young children does not necessarily mean you are crady to consider this. But it is full on and so it should be, we care for traumatised children. Prior to fostering I was a manager of residential childrens home, and husband work full time in retail. I now do not work as my fostering role does not allow me too, and my husband works part time. Generally I think people feel I just spend my days at home or jollying about, but I am more busy now then I was when working as my role now required me to attend: training, support groups, meetings etc which all quickly mount up.

There is a level of supervision that is required to protect all in the household from abuse, allegations etc. We don’t leave our children in a room alone etc, our home is very open plan which is easier for us and very structured which plays a big part in us being able to manage all our 4 childrens needs which are different.
You tend to hear with fostering that you get a “calling” and that is so true, so if you are intrigued in fostering and wether this could suit you and your family, call your local authority

Very well said, I think people have a Hollywood fantasy of what fostering is going to be like. You have given a very good brief description of what is expected and that is only the half of it.

Thank you 😊

There are actually orphanages being evacuated so orphaned children may need placement with hosts alone even if they have not been orphaned in war. This is actually happening with some Ukrainian orphans arriving into my country (which is not the UK).

@Cerealnamechangerer

I don't know why you are getting a hard time . The country needs more dedicated foster carers who want to make a difference. If op is inspired to look into whether she can help a child whether ukrainian or not, what's wrong with that? I wouldn't do it while i have young children but i will strongly consider it when my own children are older.

I don't think most people are giving the Op a hard time ,but lone children can't just go anywhere ,it needs to be managed safely it would be a mind field otherwise and could lead to children being in the care of abusers .

Mine field*

What a lot of negative responses and pretty patronising I thought. Of course anybody saying this realises it would be a challenge.

Good on you for wanting to do it. Thank god there are people who are up for doing things like this.

Don’t be put off. Look in to fostering. I’m a mum of four and I’d love to do the same. Not everybody could cope with it but there are the special ones who could!

Just be a bit nicer people!

I foster children and currently look after a refugee.

A child becomes an adult at 18. So it may be possible to host a young adult. There will still be checks and training but the process will likely be less than that required to foster a child.

I can’t believe the negativity here. It’s great that you are considering this OP. If everyone reacted in the way of the former posters these traumatised orphaned children would have even less options.

Nickersnackersnockers
I foster children and currently look after a refugee.

A child becomes an adult at 18. So it may be possible to host a young adult. There will still be checks and training but the process will likely be less than that required to foster a child.

OP has a specific criteria, an older child doesn't suit her needs.

@Zippy1510

I can’t believe the negativity here. It’s great that you are considering this OP. If everyone reacted in the way of the former posters these traumatised orphaned children would have even less options.

Don't you think it would be less traumatic for the child to be with people who speak their language? However well meaning people are I think the best thing for children from orphanages is to find accommodation to keep them with their peers and carers.

@Theblacksheepandme
Are you purposefully ignoring me when I respond to your comments?

I’ve explained my position, I think it’s a fair one. My children would feel a lot less comfortable with a teenager and I’m not going to berate them for that. I have my children to consider, this would have to work for everyone.

Again, do you really think a teenager would want young children pestering them all day when they’ve just been through hell?!
Do you think a teenager would enjoy trips to play farms, etc?

Furthermore, I’ve been a primary TA. I have even less experience with teenagers in such a situation than I would with younger children.

Get your head out of the ground and look at the bigger picture. Consider other peoples situations as well as your own opinions.

@ancientgran
I do think it would be better for them to be with someone that speaks their own language. How many Ukrainian foster families do you think there are in the UK?

OurHouseInTheMiddleOfTheStreet
Again, do you really think a teenager would want young children pestering them all day when they’ve just been through hell?!
Do you think a teenager would enjoy trips to play farms, etc?

Do you really think you can start bringing seriously traumatised children to play farms and start playing happy families? None of these children will want to be pestered by anyone. Your children pestering them will not be pleasant for them, even if they are a similar age to your children. These children will be confused, speak another language, possibly suffering PTSD, possibly wetting the bed every night. They are only a few examples of many problems they will have. Do you think ANY of them will enjoy trips to play farms regardless of their age? If you are going into fostering, even if not Ukraine. Please don't think it is all about them integrating into your family and happy trips to farms. These are children's lives you're talking about and they have been through enough. The last thing these children need is failed foster homes. People think the OP is getting a hard time, but have you seen the damage caused by naive people who think they know what fostering is about? Foster children are not there to make people feel good about doing something charitable, and when it doesn't work out they can be handed back.

@Theblacksheepandme
You’ve obviously posted something inappropriate beforehand for it to be deleted.

Honestly, I feel like you’re casting aspersions based on your own experiences. You don’t know anything about me or my family and you don’t need to. I didn’t come here to justify my reasons for looking in to fostering, it’s not your place to vet me on how suitable you think our home is for fostering.

You’re not acknowledging that I have my children to think of too and how they would be happiest. I know my children, they wouldn’t adapt as well with a teenager in the house.

I know it’s not all about playing happy families but I’ve not gushed about it or said I’m doing it for my own gratification. It is something I have always wanted to do and everything that’s going on has ignited that again.

I agree that it would be lovely to only have experienced foster careers available for any child - how do you think any of those experienced carers started out?

Again, it would be lovely to have a child live in a home of the same language. Sadly, it’s not always possible.

That’s the last I’ll be posting on this thread. Thank you to those that have pointed me in the right direction. Those that have given me food for thought, thank you. @theblacksheepandme it would be nice if you could give more constructive comments on posts in future rather than make assumptions based on very little.

How are you going to find the time to devote to a child who may have been through hell, along with having, in your own words " Three very young children to consider"? I would not think that you would be a suitable host because of that alone.

OurHouseInTheMiddleOfTheStreet
You do realise that people can report their own posts if they want it deleted themselves? You wouldn't be making assumptions would you? You did post in AIBU and I told you YABU. In fact 76% of people told you this. If you only post in order to hear what you want, then you posted in the wrong place. You just listened to the 24% as they have given you the reply you wanted.

@emuloc

How are you going to find the time to devote to a child who may have been through hell, along with having, in your own words " Three very young children to consider"? I would not think that you would be a suitable host because of that alone.

Yep. Nice of you to want to help, OP, but I don't think you're being realistic.