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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think an 8 year old doesn’t need to try beer

55 replies

ntsure · 13/03/2022 20:50

Today ds has come home from his dads saying his dad told him to try his beer.
I obviously know a sip of beer in itself isn’t physically harmful but i don’t understand why he would need to be introduced to beer at age 8.
I really see his dad as being the kind of parent that will be letting ds drink early teens and it worries me a lot.
I understand the argument of teaching children moderation etc but my parents tried that with me and it did not go well. I was allowed tastes of alcohol at that age and I was borderline an alcoholic by the age of 11, the first time I got into trouble with the police for drinking I was only 11, and alcohol ruined my life from the age of 11-21 (when I became pregnant)
DS dad was also drinking at a young age too.
I think 8 year olds should just be told they alcohol isn’t for children and that’s that. I don’t want underage drinking normalised to him.
DS is also autistic and needs clear rules he doesn’t always grasp things like a sip is ok, but any more isn’t etc

OP posts:
Leggingslife · 13/03/2022 20:51

Yanbu

Missgemini · 13/03/2022 20:55

Yanbu. Based on yours and his history, doesn't sound like your son should be anywhere near alcohol. Please make that clear to him! Could also be a safeguarding issue.

ThePrincessSleptFor100Years · 13/03/2022 20:56

I mean I agree with you and it wouldn’t be my eight year old.

But I think implying it leads to alcoholism by age 11 is a bit mad 🤯

If you were an alcoholic by 11 it sounds like your parents failed you far more than simply letting you taste alcohol.

Original poster
ntsure · 13/03/2022 20:59

ThePrincessSleptFor100Years- no of course I’m not saying it leads to alcoholism but I do think that my history with alcohol is relevant because it is my understanding that addiction can be genetic and I’m concerned that his dad seems to have such a lax attitude towards alcohol and kids (as my parents did with me)

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 13/03/2022 20:59

If alcohol was invented today it would be a controlled drug.
Your Ex is being extremely irresponsible.
I'd get social workers involved if he refuses to stop this.

takealettermsjones · 13/03/2022 21:02

I'm no expert but given how poorly resourced social services are, I'm not sure they'd be rushing out for an 8 year old being given a sip of his dad's beer Confused

thebellsesmereldathebells · 13/03/2022 21:02

@ntsure

ThePrincessSleptFor100Years- no of course I’m not saying it leads to alcoholism but I do think that my history with alcohol is relevant because it is my understanding that addiction can be genetic and I’m concerned that his dad seems to have such a lax attitude towards alcohol and kids (as my parents did with me)
You're absolutely right, the fact that there's a history of alcohol abuse in your background does mean that your DS should be especially careful with alcohol. The alcoholic tendency does run in families - it runs in mine.

I think this must be unimaginably hard. Having to co-parent with somebody you can't trust to make responsible decisions - you have my utmost sympathy Flowers

I think the only thing you can do is try to teach your DS to say "no" to offers of alcohol, because it's bad for him and he doesn't need it. It must taste pretty gross to him at that age, surely?

ldontWanna · 13/03/2022 21:12

This is really odd. I mean I'd understand a bit if the kid asked first and dad said ok have a sip/dip your finger in it. But to actively encourage him to try it ,at an age where there's no need(tbh there isn't actually any age where you need to try beer or anything else)?

Add in your history and no wonder you are pissed off.

What did your son say? Did he like it or did he think it was disgusting?

I'd remind your ex that your son is still a child, doesn't need to try alcohol and hasn't asked or has any interest in him. He can wait until he's a proper teenager if he's that desperate for a drinking buddy.Hmm

Original poster
ntsure · 13/03/2022 21:15

takealettermsjones- obviously social services wouldn’t care. I didn’t say anything about social services? I just think it was bloody stupid and unnecessary on his dads part.

OP posts:
theresAtablet4thatNow · 13/03/2022 21:18

YANBU. With your history, it makes even less sense to expose him to alcohol as a child. While a sip might not hurt most children that age, there's no compelling reason why it's a good idea. I'd have honest, age-appropriate discussions with your son about your experience, the risks of alcohol, how dangerous and damaging it can be, etc.

MyFieldOfFucksIsBarren · 13/03/2022 21:25

On the one hand, I've always allowed my daughter to try a little of what I was drinking, she tried it occasionally at that age but now wouldn't touch it even if I offered.

That is different to pushing it on a child, if the previous alcohol abuse wasn't there I'd put it down to a misunderstanding of you can try versus actively getting them to try.

ManateeFair · 13/03/2022 21:28

YANBU. If your son had said ‘Can I taste it?’ and your ex had let him have a sip, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, not least because most kids upon being given beer or wine find the taste horrible. But actually proactively telling an eight-year-old to try beer doesn’t seem like a good idea to me, especially knowing that you had bad experiences with being given alcohol at too young an age.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/03/2022 21:29

Mine tried it, decided it was disgusting and never touched the stuff again until they were old enough to buy it themselves and deal with their own hangovers.

One sip isn't going to make it happen.

takealettermsjones · 13/03/2022 21:55

Sorry OP my response was to FlowerArranger

dotdotdotdash · 13/03/2022 22:10

YANBU. My DH would do this now and again and I was grateful to read this research so I had scientific evidence to back up why I think it's a bad idea to give kid's alcohol!

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jan/05/children-whose-parents-give-them-sips-of-alcohol-more-likely-to-drink-as-teens#:~:text=Alcohol-,Children%20whose%20parents%20give%20them%20sips%20of%20alcohol,likely'%20to%20drink%20as%20teens&text=Children%20who%20are%20given%20alcohol,the%20journal%20Psychological%20Medicine%20found.

BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 13/03/2022 22:12

I'm saying YABU. My grandad was always trying to slip me a whiskey. I genuinely thought coke tasted of whiskey for years. The only outcome was that I can't stand the taste of whiskey.

DoubleShotEspresso · 13/03/2022 22:15

YANBU

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 13/03/2022 22:19

I was introduced to alcohol very young, from the age of around 5-6 I was allowed my own sparkling wine (4-5% stuff) with Sunday/special occasion dinners. Usually a couple of glasses. My parents both enjoyed a drink and saw no harm in it.

I first stole whisky out of their drinks cabinet at 9yo. That should've been a sign, really. I spent close to 20 years in active alcoholism, starting in my late teens.

I get your anxiety, OP. I don't believe allowing children alcohol, especially with the drinking culture the way it is in this country, is a responsible thing to do. I'd be pissed off too.

5foot5 · 13/03/2022 22:32

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Mine tried it, decided it was disgusting and never touched the stuff again until they were old enough to buy it themselves and deal with their own hangovers.

One sip isn't going to make it happen.

Pretty much the same here but I don't think ours tried anything as young as 8. I think young teens we offered DD a little for a special occasion, e.g. champagne at NY, but she didn't care for it.

By 17ish she would try the odd bottle of beer with mates. However at Uni she drank like a normal student!

Given the Ops relationship with and experience of alcohol I can understand her concern

CapMarvel · 13/03/2022 22:35

YANBU. What's to gain by letting an 8 year old try alcohol?

FlowerArranger · 13/03/2022 22:37

WTF??

If social workers really no longer care about an 8 (EIGHT???!!!!!!!) year old being given alcohol, I'd think we've truly lost the plot.

I mean - really?

Bananabutter · 13/03/2022 22:39

YANBU. If he cannot safely look after his son I wouldn’t allow him to see him.

MargaretThursday · 13/03/2022 22:47

It depends on the situation.

Mine have been allowed a sip.or two from about that age. Aged 21 and 18, they very rarely drink at all.one doesn't mind one glass of wine with a meal, but that's it, and the other doesn't drink any alcohol at all.
Letting them have a little demistifies it and then they don't feel it's something they need to try at 18..

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 14/03/2022 07:27

@FlowerArranger

WTF??

If social workers really no longer care about an 8 (EIGHT???!!!!!!!) year old being given alcohol, I'd think we've truly lost the plot.

I mean - really?

Why would social workers care?

It's legal to drink alcohol at home from the age of 5.

Porcupineintherough · 14/03/2022 07:35

I think YABU. It's very normal to try a sip of wine/beer from a parents glass at that age. Generally kids dont like the taste and it avoids the whole "forbidden fruits" thing. It doesnt prevent you doing the the "alcohol is for grown ups" thing and even children with asd can and do learn to understand that general rules come with exceptions (although they can often get quite cross about it).