To think an 8 year old doesn’t need to try beer

[ntsure]

Today ds has come home from his dads saying his dad told him to try his beer.
I obviously know a sip of beer in itself isn’t physically harmful but i don’t understand why he would need to be introduced to beer at age 8.
I really see his dad as being the kind of parent that will be letting ds drink early teens and it worries me a lot.
I understand the argument of teaching children moderation etc but my parents tried that with me and it did not go well. I was allowed tastes of alcohol at that age and I was borderline an alcoholic by the age of 11, the first time I got into trouble with the police for drinking I was only 11, and alcohol ruined my life from the age of 11-21 (when I became pregnant)
DS dad was also drinking at a young age too.
I think 8 year olds should just be told they alcohol isn’t for children and that’s that. I don’t want underage drinking normalised to him.
DS is also autistic and needs clear rules he doesn’t always grasp things like a sip is ok, but any more isn’t etc

My dps always allowed me to drink 5% alcohol at Xmas time and special occasions because it was 'harmless'. I started drinking properly at 15 and in my 20s really struggled to drink in moderation. By 30 I was going to AA meetings. I think it's not a good idea to introduce young children to alcohol.

I think alcohol will be the cigarette of the future. Probably locked away and requiring permission yo access it. The 4 rows of alcoholic drinks won't be in supermarkets like they are now. Alcohol is glamorous but the reality is ugly.

It's difficult to know the context as I don't know your background OP or how it was done with your DC8

For eg innocuous reason, child asked and dad said take a sip - knowing full well that 8 year old wouldn't like the bitter taste and replied "yes it's yuk isn't it? only old adults like it, everyone else pretends but you're not silly are you now you know you've tried it?"

Or he could be encouraging something out of the blue that is inappropriate for a child as he's drinking - which is what you feel OP probably as you know the context better

The idea that giving kids access to alcohol early on helps them learn to moderate and stops it being ‘forbidden fruit’ has been debunked. There are studies that show kids who are exposed to alcohol earlier are more likely to be heavy drinkers later in life. I’ve no idea why parents think it’s a good idea.

My parents let me taste their beer when I was little and bought me alcopops in my teens, and I became a binge drinker until my early 30s when I finally went teetotal.

@FirewomanSam that's your experience. In Spain and Italy children routinely try alcohol from and early age and most grow up to be thoughtful occasional drinkers. The pressure to go out and get wasted in the park at 14 just isnt there.

Yanbu. Especially given both of your histories. Like a pp I sympathise with you having to co-parent with someone whose choices seem poor. Very difficult for you and I hope the road ahead isn’t too tough. Try to seek out other reliable adult male role models who might provide ongoing support and an alternative influence for your son eg sports coach, friend, relative.

You’ll get some posters here saying it’s fine. They’ll be alcoholics too, in denial.

@Porcupineintherough it’s my experience and the finding of several scientific studies on the subject. I agree though that the drinking culture of the country where you live plays a massive role too, and ours in the UK has to be one of the worst!

This article talks about the ‘European model’ and suggests that teens on the continent are now subject to the same pressure to binge-drink though: www.theglobeandmail.com/amp/life/health-and-fitness/health/how-allowing-that-early-sip-of-alcohol-can-influence-a-childs-mind-and-future/article24223217/

@venusmay

My dps always allowed me to drink 5% alcohol at Xmas time and special occasions because it was 'harmless'. I started drinking properly at 15 and in my 20s really struggled to drink in moderation. By 30 I was going to AA meetings. I think it's not a good idea to introduce young children to alcohol.

Mine did the same and my experience is totally different to yours.

The point being loads of children try tiny sips of alcohol at home and the vast majority don't grow up to have issues with alcohol.

@MargaretThursday

It depends on the situation.

Mine have been allowed a sip.or two from about that age. Aged 21 and 18, they very rarely drink at all.one doesn't mind one glass of wine with a meal, but that's it, and the other doesn't drink any alcohol at all.
Letting them have a little demistifies it and then they don't feel it's something they need to try at 18..

It doesn't really work like that for lots of children, although I am glad it dld for yours.

There's no need to "demystify" alcohol by letting children taste it. There are plenty of things children aren't allowed to do but we don't let them have a little drive on the motorway to demystify driving, for example.

Meh. This is pretty normal in much of the world and here also in fact. Sips here and there.

@Thereisnolight

Yanbu. Especially given both of your histories. Like a pp I sympathise with you having to co-parent with someone whose choices seem poor. Very difficult for you and I hope the road ahead isn’t too tough. Try to seek out other reliable adult male role models who might provide ongoing support and an alternative influence for your son eg sports coach, friend, relative.

You’ll get some posters here saying it’s fine. They’ll be alcoholics too, in denial.

I'm very in denial as an alcoholic then. I got bought some bottles of wine for Christmas and it took me until March to open them.

I don't think anyone can say whether or not it'll be fine. For many, many kids it would be fine and they'd grow up to hate the stuff or drink sensibly. Others will learn that it's a way to deal with problems, a way to block things out, a way to fit in and make friends, a way to cope with stress or that it's just what people do every day after work to relax. I think it's important to look at the messages you are giving out about alcohol to your children.

The point being loads of children try tiny sips of alcohol at home and the vast majority don't grow up to have issues with alcohol.

I agree with this. And I wouldn’t personally get worked up about it. I wouldn’t be shocked if a friend told me they had let their child sip some beer or think it was anything to worry about.

However, parents who tell themselves that they should actively give their kids alcohol to ‘demystify’ it are kidding themselves. There’s no evidence that giving kids alcohol early helps them to build a healthy relationship with it, and plenty of evidence to the contrary.

Give your kids a sip now and then if you want, they’ll probably be fine, but don’t kid yourself that there’s a good reason for it other than satisfying their curiosity.

I think it depends a but on how drinking is modelled to him.
I was allowed my own small glass of alcohol from about 6, a sip or two before that. My family didn't really drink, it happened once or twice a year and we all had some.
I've continued that habit throughout my life, drinking very rarely. I do the same with my children. Once or twice a year we have a drink with a meal, and they have a small glass or share mine.
But I suppose If it was regular and binge drinking modelled to them the outcome might be different.

Meh. I was allowed shandies with a tiny bit of beer and mostly lemonade at that age at dinner time and even as a toddler/young child I was allowed to dip my dummy in the beer.

I am definitely not an alcoholic, I don't really like it that much and only drink on a night out or meal out.

DD had a sip of wine when she was 4, because she was really interested in what I was drinking. The face she pulled! I did the same with my coffee. Bleugh! She hated both.

I don't really think it's a big deal.

You’ll get some posters here saying it’s fine. They’ll be alcoholics too, in denial.

Massive and incorrect assumption. I think it's fine. Last time I had a drink was with a meal a few weeks ago and I only had one. I don't buy alcohol for the home and rarely go out so rarely have any at all. I think prior to that meal, the last time I'd had a drink was months ago ar Christmas, and not to the point of being drunk.

There was a study showing that the “let them try at home in a safe environment” view is absolutely shit parenting as you are basically endorsing drinking and giving the wrong message.

@MsTSwift if you drink in front of your children you are basically giving them the message that it is safe and fine. And as a society it is fine - it's legal and socially acceptable. So if you want your children to grow up with a take it or leave it attitude to alcohol you are going to have to go for a bit of nuance in your teaching. Yes you teach them it's a thing that grown ups drink but that need not stop them trying a sip. Same a coffee in that sense - it's a grown up drink but no huge problem with trying a sip.

Exactly which study are you referencing btw?

Dunno Dh found it. Having a drink yourself and actually encouraging your kids to drink alcohol themselves with you are totally different things. The “I’m so cool I let my kids drink at home” has been proved to be shit parenting. Pretty obvious really though.

You’ll get some posters here saying it’s fine. They’ll be alcoholics too, in denial

Hahahaha! The MN dramatics are at it again.

Yet you procreated with this dweep

@MsTSwift

Dunno Dh found it. Having a drink yourself and actually encouraging your kids to drink alcohol themselves with you are totally different things. The “I’m so cool I let my kids drink at home” has been proved to be shit parenting. Pretty obvious really though.

There's a big difference between letting your kids drink at home and letting your child have a sip of beer to try it.

It is legal. As long as it was just a sip, as a one-off, and Dad isn't giving him pints of beer to drink every week, it's a legitimate parenting decision (which plenty of parents try, to demystify drinking, as discussed upthread) and it wouldn't really register on anyone's radar as a safeguarding concern in my experience. I'd suggest you try talking to Dad about it calmly and rationally if you can; you'll be more likely to stop this by mutual agreement than by any other route IMO.

There's a big difference between letting your kids drink at home and letting your child have a sip of beer to try it.

There's also a big difference between allowing your child to try when they want/ask and actively encouraging them to try without any prompts from the child.

@FlowerArranger

WTF??

If social workers really no longer care about an 8 (EIGHT???!!!!!!!) year old being given alcohol, I'd think we've truly lost the plot.

I mean - really?

What do you mean ‘no longer’ cares. They never cared. They care about children being beaten, neglected, starved and raped by their parents. Not a well looked after 8yo being given a sip of his dads beer 🙄