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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to be furious with DH and MIL and their big mouths?

33 replies

Sarahjct · 05/01/2008 11:58

DH can't keep his trap shut about anything and his mother is just as bad. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and, over the course of this pregnancy they have told everyone, between them;

The name we had chosen when we thought she was a boy
The name we have chosen now we know she is a girl
The sex
Her estimated weight (from growth scan last week although I know these are bollards, mostly)
Her birthdate

Found out yesterday that as the hospital are pigeon holing me as having GD, which I'm sure I don't, they want to induce me on Tuesday. I feel like every ounce of control that I had over this pregnancy has been whittled away bit by bit by DH and his mother and now the hospital.

The last straw was all the messages this morning from everyone he knows wishing us luck for Tuesday. There are no surprises left and all of the 'nice' bits about having a baby have gone.

AIBU to expect that, when we agree not to tell people these things, that he can keep his word? I have told my family very little, because we agreed not to, but he has a huge family and everyone knows everything.

OP posts:

lazarou · 05/01/2008 12:05

Is this your first baby?

oldenough · 05/01/2008 12:06

i think you may be being a bit sensative at he moment, rightly so, but although it's you having the baby, he or she is already part of the family and they are just very very excited.

numptysmummy · 05/01/2008 12:07

I felt exactly the same when dh's family found out our name for ds 1. So i changed it when he was born. Was wiser with ds2 and chose my second fave name which dh told all his family and then when he was born convinced dh he didn't look like a .... and changed it to my secret fave name. Dh got the idea by dd2 (lo no 4) and didn't tell anyone anything - not even the real due date as the 2 boys had been so late! YANBU!

slightlyconfused · 05/01/2008 12:08

hi sarahjct
i think a bit of both.sorry.
your mil then no u r not as its not her right to tell everyone everything. but when it comes to ur dh then yes a little as its his baby too and hes obviously very happy and excited about it. but at the same time i would be p**d off if dh blabbed about the sex and name .

the hospital have to take steps to makes sure you and ur baby r safe and healthy.

motherinferior · 05/01/2008 12:08

No, you're not - they're being idiotic. Especially on the topic of the due date. Hospital tbh sounds more worrying - although if you do have GD I can see their point.

Is there any hope that as he does have a large familyt, members of it might be amenable to being actually useful after you've had the baby and do things like cook you meals and babysit?

(there will still be nice bits. I promise. Honestly.)

Lizzylou · 05/01/2008 12:08

YANBU, I think having a surprise is nice and would be peed off too.

Good luck!

motherinferior · 05/01/2008 12:10

I can recommend leaving a message on the answerphone saying I HAVEN'T HAD THE BABY YET. I did this with DD1, from around 38 weeks. It is if nothing else therapeutic.

Think changing the name is brilliant idea.

(I'm sure your DH is a prince among blokes and all that, but I do tend to feel that at this point in the process it's none of anyone's business except the one who's about to embark on the Miracle of Birth.)

oldenough · 05/01/2008 12:11

why all the clock and dagger stuff... i am not trying to be funny.... i just do not understand, please explain ( with getting all shirty please)

bohemianbint · 05/01/2008 12:12

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - I posted a few days ago because I told my immediate family in confidence that I'm pregnant; my mum told everyone.

It is really annoying to have your news splashed about for you. I'm not sharing anything with anyone this time around, especially not names!

Hope everything goes well, it will still be an unbelievably special day for you, no matter who knows what.

numptysmummy · 05/01/2008 12:15

I knew when they were born they would be full on and i just wanted something to be a surprise,something only i knew,no constant calls asking if i'd had it and i didn't want the name changed,shortened,nicknames given before the baby had even been born.

motherinferior · 05/01/2008 12:16

I think my perspective is also jaded by the fact I personally am not hog-whimpering wild about families of any kind.

Misdee · 05/01/2008 12:17

if you have GD, then you will possibly need to be induced. why do u t5hink you dont but they think you do? have you had a GTT?

and YABU, its dh baby as well, surely he can share some details.

chocchipcookie · 05/01/2008 12:18

I wouldn't blame your DH - he probably gets interrogated by his family. And they probably don't think this information is super-personal.

You are the mother. No one can take that away from you however much they interfere.

But on second thoughts is his family planning to be there on Tuesday morning to videotape the induction and post it on Youtube?

lazarou · 05/01/2008 12:20

Well, it's certainly not nice being ill when you are pregnant. You want it to be all straightforward and then something goes worong and you pretty much have no control. It's not pleasant having to be in hospital and feeling scared about the induction and being on your own. So, I can understand the feeling that everything is out of your control. Just keep thinking about the lovely baby you are going to have and how much you've been looking forward to meeting her. It's worth all the pain and aggro.
Good luck.

Original poster

Sarahjct · 05/01/2008 12:37

Sorry, should have elaborated. Have had GTT and it was fine. Have been monitoring blood sugar since Christmas Eve and again all fine. But my dad is diabetic and I'm a bit lardy so I feel like they have decided on the GD regardless.

DH volunteers all info, they don't need to pester him. Just don't know why he has to blab everything.

OP posts:

numptysmummy · 05/01/2008 12:44

Have you explained how you feel? Perhaps you could hold off breaking the news when lo is born for a couple of hrs so it's just the three of you for longer? Would he go for that if yoy told him it's the last bit of control you feel you have left?

hippipotami · 05/01/2008 12:48

But it is dh's baby too! And he is probably just excited! And by telling his family all the details he feels involved in the pregnancy. After all, it is easy for a man to be sidelined during a pregnancy.

I can see why you are a bit upset, but to be honest I don't think you should be furious. After all, isn't it nice that dh and his family are excited about the baby. Rather than not talk about it and be indifferent?

There is a saying in Dutch which translated roughly goes: "What the heart is full off, the mouth overflows with"
I.e when you are very excited and happy about something there is a huge need to talk about it.

Slacker · 05/01/2008 13:17

YANBU. I'm furious with my MIL for gossiping about my pregnancy (am 36 weeks), even though she's not even talked to me since last summer. And it's nothing to do with her being excited, she doesn't bother seeing our other children, she's just a gossip.

AND she told my brother, who I hadn't told for my own reasons!

I'm going to get my own back by not telling her when the baby's born and seeing how long it takes her to phone and ask if we've had it yet (DH agrees with me btw, he can't stand her gossiping about our business when she plays no real part in our lives).

Good luck with your birth. It's still your baby, not his family's.

spugs · 05/01/2008 13:29

i would be annoyed if id asked them to keep quiet and theyed blabbed so yep YANBU. im doing the name change thing as everyone knows were having a girl and i want something to be a suprise, so when people ask im either vague or mention a random name stops people saying "i dont like that name" etc as well

morningpaper · 05/01/2008 13:34

you are being a little bit oversensitive - this is your DH's baby too.

Don't fall out with your DH over THIS - this is like arguing about the first step up a mountain.

Believe me, ALL the nice bits are to come (but a lot of shit bits too) - when the times comes there will be loads of times when it is just you lying in bed with your lovely new baby and all the annoying family in the world cannot take that loveliness away from you.

Good luck XXX

pointydog · 05/01/2008 13:49

YABU but you are very pregnant so hopefully people will understand your unreasonableness.

bubblagirl · 05/01/2008 14:00

i think what you describe is normal for everyone it sounds more you are anxious the fun hasnt gone

the fun is holding your new baby not that people know the name weight sex everyone knew everything about me from day one never spoilt my fun

you are the one who is pregnant no one can take that away from you relax and look forward to baby coming

and the big mouths are just very proud my mum told the world and his brother everything lol but she was excited and proud nothing more

HonoriaGlossop · 05/01/2008 14:01

I do see where you're coming from actually; if you've agreed with your DH that you'll not tell certain things, he should keep to that. We knew the sex of ds (I had to have an amnio) and we agreed we didn't mind people knowing that, but we wanted to keep the name a surprise. Otherwise, I know what you mean, there is nothing to tell! Instead of "Sarah's had a girl, and they've called her Araminta Phyllida Cosima!!!" you just get "Sarah's had Araminta" and it's not really news. And after all the agony of carring and giving birth to a baby it is nice to feel it will at least create a small frisson

good luck.

branflake81 · 05/01/2008 16:45

You are being completely unreasonablel. They are probably both excited and the information they have disclosed is not exactly super personal. They will all know the name you've chosen when it's born, so why not before?

FourPlusOne · 05/01/2008 16:58

I would be annoyed that your DH has told them things that you have agreed are secret. I kept my pregnancies a secret until 1st scan as that's what we had decided to do as a couple. Even though I had awful morning sickness each time, and would loved to have rung my mum for a moan/some sympathy I didn't as it was our secret and we wanted to tell everyone together. I would have been the same I tink had we found out the sex (which is partly why I never did as I would have blabbed and not been able to not tell everyone). I quite like the surprise element of other people having babies and not knowing sex/name etc before they are born.
Maybe next time you will have to keep everything a secret form your DH too!

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