AIBU for being asked if I’m going to be much longer cooking my dinner

[Sillysausagesarah]

Started to cook my dinner tonight. Lodger comes down and asked “are you going to be much longer”. Literally had just platted my food. I don’t know why I’m finding it rude. He never cooks and today he is

What is 'platted' your food?

He was just enquiring so he knew when the kitchen would be free so he wasn’t in your way I presume.

I don’t see what’s rude about it?

Put food on plate…. Not sure how to spell.

@Sexnotgender

He was just enquiring so he knew when the kitchen would be free so he wasn’t in your way I presume.

I don’t see what’s rude about it?

Wouldn’t it be less rude to say “would I be able to make my dinner at the same time?”. I don’t know why I’m being so offended

I don’t understand the problem.

A man who pays you money to stay in your house? You find it rude he is asking when he can use the kitchen?

No idea why you are so offended either. He just wanted to know when the kitchen would be free, seems quite reasonable.

God I’d much rather someone waited until I was finished cooking rather than getting in my way making theirs!

File this under “overthinking” and move on. I can see how it’s all in the tone, though: a smile and an enquiry so he knows when he can cook, vs a sullen and stompy passive aggressive way of saying you’ve taken ages. Which was it?

Because it's your house & he is just the lodger so shouldn't be rushing you in the kitchen?

I would think it lucky he doesn't cook much & you don't have to consider his needs/kitchen time every day.

I think you’re being a little over sensitive in the nicest way

No this would annoy me too , I file it under “it’s not what they said it’s the way they said it” lol
The “much longer” would imply to me he thinks I’m taking too long. Yes it’s overthinking but at the same time you know your lodger and I’m guessing the relationship isn’t great?

Surely if you've plated it you've finished cooking?

Depends on the tone: polite enquiry or hint of impatience?

I might be annoyed if I felt he was implying I was taking too long and should move out of his way. Do you sit in the kitchen to eat? If so, I'd feel he was trying to push me out of the room.

...But if you were finished with the kitchen, easiest to just say so, and if he does start cooking more often, suggest making a schedule so you can avoid getting under one another's feet or making someone feel rushed through their meal prep or eating.

Presume it may have been the tone "are you going to be much longer" - can be taken as the person implying you've been there too long & you may have felt as if someone who is a lodger/guest in your house is rushing you out of your own kitchen.

He could have said something like "do you mind if I come in and start cooking" may have come across better ?

He pays to live there. Surely he's entitled to ask when he can use the kitchen?

I’ve read a few ‘complaining about the lodger’ threads on here recently. Are they all you, OP?

If you share a home with other people, sometimes they will do or say things that irritate you. Sometimes it’s them, sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s just the enriching diversity of humanity 😉

Yes. YABU.

I wouldn’t have a lodger if this is your level of tolerance. It’s a perfectly reasonable question!

He wants to know when he can use the kitchen? What's rude about that?

@Sillysausagesarah

Put food on plate…. Not sure how to spell.

So you put your food on a plate, plated up...and therefore you are indeed done in the kitchen?

Why not have a discussion with lodger about best times to use the kitchen? Surely this has crossed your mind in the past?

I suppose it depends how he says it but he wanted to use the kitchen so had to ask you some way. I suppose he could have said "not rush but wondering how long are you going to be as I am planning to cook tonight too"

YABU, they just wanted to no how long you’d be, perfectly reasonable question.

He’s not unreasonable to ask, but there are ways of asking. ‘Are you going to be much longer?’ implies a level of irritation and impatience which e.g. ‘When will the kitchen be free?’ or ‘Will it be ok to use the kitchen now?’ do not.