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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being asked if I’m going to be much longer cooking my dinner

54 replies

Sillysausagesarah · 13/03/2022 20:17

Started to cook my dinner tonight. Lodger comes down and asked “are you going to be much longer”. Literally had just platted my food. I don’t know why I’m finding it rude. He never cooks and today he is

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillysausagesarah · 13/03/2022 21:01

I don’t know why he couldn’t make his dinner whilst I was in the kitchen? Plenty of room to prep and it’s either putting something in the oven or the hob.

Could have asked “do you mind if I make my dinner at the same time?”. Of which I would have said “sure, let me move some stuff out of the way”.

I don’t know, he just came back home and said it to me instantly “are you going to be much longer”….. I don’t know, implied I was already taking too much time?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillysausagesarah · 13/03/2022 21:02

@watcherintherye

He’s not unreasonable to ask, but there are ways of asking. ‘Are you going to be much longer?’ implies a level of irritation and impatience which e.g. ‘When will the kitchen be free?’ or ‘Will it be ok to use the kitchen now?’ do not.
Why do people even need to have the other person be free from the kitchen?
OP posts:
TravellingFrom · 13/03/2022 21:02

What was his tone of voice?

That sentence can mean a lot if things depending on how you say it. Some of which would rub me the wrong way tbh.

Sexnotgender · 13/03/2022 21:02

I don’t know, he just came back home and said it to me instantly “are you going to be much longer”….. I don’t know, implied I was already taking too much time?

I don’t see that implication at all.

TravellingFrom · 13/03/2022 21:03

I would have understood it the same way @Sillysausagesarah

watcherintherye · 13/03/2022 21:05

Why do people even need to have the other person be free from the kitchen?

Maybe he didn’t want to get under your feet?

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 21:09

Why do people even need to have the other person be free from the kitchen? because it's easier than both trying to use the same thing at the same time. Maybe he doesn't like you? Who knows. It doesn't matter he was just asking.

Baaaa · 13/03/2022 21:09

@Sillysausagesarah

I don’t know why he couldn’t make his dinner whilst I was in the kitchen? Plenty of room to prep and it’s either putting something in the oven or the hob.

Could have asked “do you mind if I make my dinner at the same time?”. Of which I would have said “sure, let me move some stuff out of the way”.

I don’t know, he just came back home and said it to me instantly “are you going to be much longer”….. I don’t know, implied I was already taking too much time?

Maybe he likes to dance while he cooks? It's really annoying sharing a kitchen. It just is.
Jvg33 · 13/03/2022 21:21

@Pyri

A man who pays you money to stay in your house? You find it rude he is asking when he can use the kitchen?
Haha. I was thinking this
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/03/2022 21:23

Oh God no. I've been a lodger before. Would not ever want to be in the kitchen at the same time as the landlord/host?

Did you take a long time? Leave it in a mess? If you're used to having a kitchen to yourself, you might not have realised if they were hungry etc.

phishy · 13/03/2022 21:23

@AlisonDonut

What is 'platted' your food?
You couldn’t figure it out, @AlisonDonut? You’re the only one who couldn’t.
ManateeFair · 13/03/2022 23:42

He’s paying you rent. I think he’s entitled to ask when the kitchen will be free. You sound incredibly over-sensitive and stroppy.

Midlifemusings · 13/03/2022 23:49

It sounds like he was trying to plan when to cook so he wanted to know when you would be done. He had just gotten in, you were cooking, he wanted to know if you would be much longer. Maybe he was trying to decide if he should shower first or cook now or do x or y.

I also don't really understand why you were upset by that. You interpreted it as you wanted and then got upset by your own interpretation!

PiperPosey · 13/03/2022 23:54

I make it a practice
Not to sweat the small stuff..

And this is REALLY small stuff. Shock

CandyLeBonBon · 13/03/2022 23:55

I hate people in the kitchen when I'm cooking. Like, just leave me alone already!!

AlisonDonut · 14/03/2022 12:12

You couldn’t figure it out, @AlisonDonut? You’re the only one who couldn’t.

I'd assume anyone who had already plated up their food would have then vacated the kitchen which is why I asked because I guessed it was some weird colloquialism or typo for 'chopped' or 'sauted' or something still involved in the actual cooking process.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 14/03/2022 15:25

he just came back home and said it to me instantly “are you going to be much longer”….. I don’t know, implied I was already taking too much time?

If he'd just that instant got home, how can he possibly have implied you were taking too much time? He didn't know how long you'd been at it.

And if this is typical of the way in which you react to a perfectly reasonably question, I can see why he'd rather not be in the kitchen with you. I used to live with someone who managed to take the simplest question as some sort of slight or criticism.

"If that kettle's just boiled, is there enough in it for a cup of tea?"

"What? How am I supposed to know you're going to want tea? You usually have a coke when you get in! I'm not in the habit of boiling more water than I need. Have you seen the latest electricity bill? This is why it's not fair we split it equally. And you're room's bigger than mine so you use more heat."

You just try to avoid any conversation at all.

Original poster
Sillysausagesarah · 14/03/2022 19:07

I wouldn’t ask him if he will spend much longer in the kitchen, because the kitchen is big enough for us both…. And if I was to say “yeah I’ll be about 2 hours” do I expect him to wait?

Kitchen is big enough for two, you can both share the kitchen.

Put it another way, he just starts cooking and I ask him “you going to be much longer”. Bit rude?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillysausagesarah · 14/03/2022 19:07

I can understand the bathroom, of which we have one, and we share.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 14/03/2022 20:01

Put it another way, he just starts cooking and I ask him “you going to be much longer”. Bit rude?

But you had just started plating up so had finished cooking. Also many people (myself included) would rather not share the kitchen whilst cooking so perhaps he prefers to be alone or assumes you do. Either way I wouldn’t get upset about it, unless he asked you in a rude and/or abrupt manner.

LampLighter414 · 14/03/2022 20:06

If you don't like dealing with a lodger then don't have one

I know I would never be able to stand it and would constantly judge how they treat my home, so I would never do it for even a considerable amount more than market rate

A580Hojas · 14/03/2022 20:09

Lucky he doesn't want to cook every night eh?

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 14/03/2022 20:18

@Sillysausagesarah

I wouldn’t ask him if he will spend much longer in the kitchen, because the kitchen is big enough for us both…. And if I was to say “yeah I’ll be about 2 hours” do I expect him to wait?

Kitchen is big enough for two, you can both share the kitchen.

Put it another way, he just starts cooking and I ask him “you going to be much longer”. Bit rude?

You've just put it the same way but just reversed the people!

It's just a question unless he has form for this and/or was tutting or rolling his eyes etc?

User3579 · 14/03/2022 20:23

I don’t see the problem. However this thread has reminded how much I hate the term plated. Never heard of it when I was younger but now it’s used a lot. What wrong with served up

ColourfulOnesie · 14/03/2022 20:27

This is really weird

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