AIBU to be upset with partner ?

[Jojo2347]

I split up with my husband 5 years ago and have been with present partner for 4 years. We don’t live together. Present partner is a carpenter and I asked him if he would put a curtain pole up with me - I’m not good with drills etc - 6 months later still not done - when I challenged him today he said why didn’t I ask my child’s father to do it ? Wtf? I wouldn’t and if I did he would say why don’t I get new partner to do it - and here I am stuck in the middle of two egos - with pole still unfitted - I need it done before evenings and mornings get much lighter - I just feel really let down 😔

I did what I could, taught myself somethings.
Those I couldn't or didnt feel safe doing (painting landing with a very precarious stairway) I made a list of all the odd jobs that needed doing & paid a 'handy man' to do them.
Worth every penny! & it wasn't even that much.

Blimy. Bit harsh people. Our house is ex council nothing fancy and has solid concrete lintels. Extremely capable strong DH struggles putting up our poles.

Exactly all these do it yourself comments are annoying; I put up my own curtain pole but struggled massively and then it feel off the wall 🤦🏻 Would rather just pay someone, not everyone is good at diy. She asked for help not if she should do it herself.

Your best bet would be to learn to use a drill, it's not difficult and means you would not have to rely on men.
Partner sounds like a feckless arse, consider whether he's worth your time.

Pay someone to come and do it when it suits you. When your partner asks why you did that let him have it !!

He's not a keeper

I’m soon to sell my house and my dp who I don’t live with and has no interest in my house has spent all weekend for the last 6 weeks helping me with DIY. Including buying tools, replacing window frames and laying decking. And he’s not a tradesman.

Just so you have some comparison OP

This is not about a curtain pole .....this is about a selfish twat who could v easily help OP and is refusing to do so.

Is he mean re other aspects of the relationship too?! He sounds unkind, unhelpful and selfish

Have you got a helpful male friend or a willing preferably handsome colleague who would do it? Bet he wouldn’t like that.

@Byeeefornow

Have you got a helpful male friend or a willing preferably handsome colleague who would do it? Bet he wouldn’t like that.

Yes, maybe this guy..



Oops.. him..

Perfect 😊

Well dang... I married a man to catch the occasional mouse

@Jojo2347

Yup couldn’t agree more and yes there has been and that’s me now I’m done x

There has been what, OP?

@Charley50

Oops.. him..

Yes..and he looks like a great mouse catcher too! lol

Hi attitude is awful. But even without the dreadful attitude, procrastinators are a nightmare to live with. looks frustratingly at my king of procrastinators husband

Please view post above - I can turn my hand to most things - painting/plastering/repointing but I’m just shit with power tools - the pole is 8ft long covering two windows and it’s an old Victorian place so massively high ceilings - but you know if they offer a course on power tools at the night school I’m going. But as some other commenters have pointed out it’s not even about putting the pole up it’s about being a partnership and the ex comments was just one too far. I have helped with his accounts as this is one of my strengths so I didn’t think it was too much to ask if he would help me out the curtain pole up - or even teach me - I’ve never wanted much help with anything I’m fiercely independent and now even more so. I’ve learned tiling and plastering from you tube and I shall go there again to do this - I’m not some helpless princess awaiting a knight in shining armour !

It's curtains for him, OP. Sorry, what a disappointing man..

@1000yellowdaisies

Ffs everyone telling the op to do it herself, the helpful 'woman up', watch a YouTube video etc... completely not the point.

The issue if not whether or not op can do (i am sure she could do it if she wanted to) But shes asked her partner of 4 years to do it, given his job it would take him no time at all. Isnt a relationship supposed to be about mutual help and support.
So in a nutshell, YANBU and he sounds like an arse.

Exactly !

@Charley50 😂😂😂

I'd just do it myself

The issue if not whether or not op can do (i am sure she could do it if she wanted to) But shes asked her partner of 4 years to do it, given his job it would take him no time at all. Isnt a relationship supposed to be about mutual help and support.
So in a nutshell, YANBU and he sounds like an arse.

Exactly this!!

He would literally be able to do it in a few seconds but him not doing it and especially saying about your ex is a massive red flag.

Most men would do anything to try and help you if they wanted to be with you.

Sorry OP but the second he made the ex doing it comment it would be over for me.

Absolutely. He is selfish arsehole.

@Jojo2347

Not been so bad over winter so I haven’t pushed for it x bit it’s covering two windows so about 8ft long so difficult for one person so I have offered to assist holding one end -passing screws etc - make a brew ! But just getting nowhere and him saying that has just made my blood boil ! And yes I’m going to sign up to a power tools class - I’m not averse to doing things myself - I’ve painted the house, chipped off plaster, repointed all the garden paving stones - just this us a two person job and I’m shit with a drill 😩

Right, this was me 12 months ago. I have since divorced. I have had to learn to put up curtain rails and shelves in my new home. Scared me. But I have done it and learnt I actually could do it faster and with less fuss than my ex. Ok, I’ve not turned into a diy junkie, will always be a bit nervous but now know I CAN do it. I just need to get on and get it done.

Doesn’t matter how long the pole is- it is about measuring . Get some masking tape, a tape measure and a spirit level and a secure low set of steps. If you can stretch to a laser leveller all the better.
Equipment yourself with a decent electric drill, cordlesswith screw driver action and drill and hammer drill- one bit of kit is enough. A Bradley, some raw plugs and screws- though often rails will come with fittings.
Drill a small pilot hole first, so you know what you are going into and can get a nice straight guide hole.
It’s about courage and self belief. Having a penis doesn’t help, honestly. It doesn’t need strength unless you are drilling into brick or stone external walks. You may need the hammer action if your walks are block- but the drill will do the work.
It ain’t actually that difficult. It doesn’t need 2 people.
Just need to spend as much time measuring and marking up as you do actual fitting. Using masking tape to help is the key.
Watch you tube videos.

Just do it. That is like a man leaving his dishes and asking you to wash them because he is useless with dishwashers. Men can learn to use household appliances and women can learn to use tools. Neither takes much learning at all.