AIBU to be upset with partner ?

[Jojo2347]

I split up with my husband 5 years ago and have been with present partner for 4 years. We don’t live together. Present partner is a carpenter and I asked him if he would put a curtain pole up with me - I’m not good with drills etc - 6 months later still not done - when I challenged him today he said why didn’t I ask my child’s father to do it ? Wtf? I wouldn’t and if I did he would say why don’t I get new partner to do it - and here I am stuck in the middle of two egos - with pole still unfitted - I need it done before evenings and mornings get much lighter - I just feel really let down 😔

This isn't about getting the pole fitted but his attitude which reeks of resentment.

Has something happened that made him feel bitter? I honestly don't think the relationship has much hope if he is sees himself in competition with your Ex and puts you in the middle.

For those saying just do it herself..if it's brick or even steel then you need quite a bit of physical strength.

Thank you x

@Theunamedcat

Yeah do it yourself

And tell him to fuck off

This.

Improve your taste in men dramatically.

He has just shown you EXACTLY who he is.

I know it might sound extreme but I'd dump him. He doesn't care for you at all. I think if you look back you'll see lots of examples throughout the last few years.

Get a drill. Youtube is excellent help. But get a female friend to come and hold the ladder whilst you're up there.

Yup couldn’t agree more and yes there has been and that’s me now I’m done x

Do you know any decent men?

I'm sure a decent man would help or pay a handyman.

He sounds like a tosser btw.

Just inform him that, without curtains, the neighbours will definitely be seeing a lot more of you naked the he will be anytime soon.

Loads of YouTube videos will show you how to do things like this, rendering him surplus to requirements.

Sorry, but some women need to sort out learning basic DIY.
How can't you drill some holes in a wall??

I do as many diy jobs as I can these days (YouTube helps) but I would need help with a curtain pole. I think he’s being very mean op. It would just be basic kindness to help and wouldn’t take long. If he won’t even do that, what does it say about the kind of person he is and how he views you and your relationship?

I’ve voted YABU because you can easily enlist someone who is happy to help and do it yourself and most probably do a better job of it than most. Yanbu to be disappointed at his comment and that would be it for me to be honest as dramatic as that might sound. What a horrible and ridiculous comment he made!

@Jojo2347

Not been so bad over winter so I haven’t pushed for it x bit it’s covering two windows so about 8ft long so difficult for one person so I have offered to assist holding one end -passing screws etc - make a brew ! But just getting nowhere and him saying that has just made my blood boil ! And yes I’m going to sign up to a power tools class - I’m not averse to doing things myself - I’ve painted the house, chipped off plaster, repointed all the garden paving stones - just this us a two person job and I’m shit with a drill 😩

Did you ask him 6 months ago, never mention it again and then "challenge" him today?

Yabu for not just doing it yourself.

Oops! Must read the full thread. Sorry. He’s being an arse. Actually, they both are. Do you have a friend/sibling/relative who can help?

A) you can absolutely learn to do it yourself

B) he needs to be got rid of

OK so if he was a mechanic and you needed an oil change I guess he'd also suggest asking your ex? How unkind of him. Regardless of whether you can learn to do it yourself, partners are supposed to care a bit and want to help us, surely?

That does sound annoying but tbh I'd have gone on YouTube and figured out how to do it myself

But yes I would expect him to help of you asked because he loved you. His reaction is nasty.

Not everyone's confident in doing DIY. Don't understand why he wouldn't help you. Don't friends or partners help each other out?

I agree it's nothing to do with you learning to do it yourself - the point is you've asked him to help out and he's said a shitty comment. Bad attitude and mean spirited.

@TonkaTruckduck

Next time he wants a blow job tell him to ask an ex

Ffs everyone telling the op to do it herself, the helpful 'woman up', watch a YouTube video etc... completely not the point.

The issue if not whether or not op can do (i am sure she could do it if she wanted to) But shes asked her partner of 4 years to do it, given his job it would take him no time at all. Isnt a relationship supposed to be about mutual help and support.
So in a nutshell, YANBU and he sounds like an arse.

I don’t think the issue here is really the curtain pole…….

What an arse! However, what others have said is perfectly true, and you don't need any strength to put up a curtain pole, just the right tools. You can also put up a long pole on your own if you want to, simply put up the middle support first, then rest the pole in place on that, while you level the ends and drill for the other supports. In the meantime, I'd get rid of this lazy arsed man, and find someone who actually wants to be your partner in life, not just your lover!

He sounds like an absolute gobshite! I’d be paying a handyman and showing him the door.