AIBU to think I can make big changes all at once?

[MsFrog]

I am sick of myself and the way I've become. I don't exercise and my diet is starting to get really bad. I'm so tired of feeling sore and stiff and having heartburn and feeling tired. I'm only mid-30s but physically I feel so much older.

I'm so fed up, I'm feeling motivated to change things. But the problem is, I've felt this way on and off for years, and I never stick at things. I start eating a bit better, then stop. I start yoga, then stop. In the past, it hasn't felt that important, but now I'm getting older I'm really feeling the affects of my lifestyle and I'm so irritated by myself for not doing the things I know I should.

AIBU to think I should just go for broke and say to myself I'm going to make big changes all at once? Is that setting myself up for a fall? DH things so, he thinks slow and steady is better, but that's just not worked for me in the past. Has anyone ever made loads of big changes all at once. Tips for motivation and longevity gratefully received!!

Oh dear - feeling the effects of my lifestyle I mean 😳

Yep me. I went for broke with slimfast and went from 18stone 6 down to 8 stone 10. In about a year. Over half my body weight. I now go to the gym and exercise a lot.

I could only do this by going cold turkey. No cheating. No takeaways. No booze. No “just a little bit” as that always degenerated into “a little bit more”.

Cold turkey was far easier than slow and steady, as I know I would’ve just slid back into normal habits.

Start small and you'll have more chance of succeeding. It takes around a month for the average person to form a new habit. Choose the one thing you think is easiest and start with that. Example, for the rest of March I'll make sure I drink 8 glasses of water every day. Then when you're doing that without really having to think about it, move on to something exercise related but achieveable. Example, will walk to the shops rather than drive. Then just keep building from there. Good luck, you can do this :)

Might as well try it! I'd spend a bit of time thinking about who you are though and what might work best.

Eg I know I'm ok feeling hungry and can ignore that for quite a while - but I'm shit once I've started eating and will be very greedy. Chocolate and bread start massive binges.

So I focus on intermittent fasting and lasting as long as possible in the day without food and have a 100% no bread / no chocolate rule. But I do eat lots of other lovely food and exercise a lot.

However, if you're no good at being hungry and don't overeat this is a bad strategy as you'll be diving into the biscuits at 10am and 'failing'

No words of wisdom, but was just sat here wondering exactly the same thing. Currently 37, 3stone overweight and do no exercise, and thinking I need to make some big changes. I'm not sure slow and steady works for me, it's too easy for me to say I'll do it tomorrow. When you've figured it out, let me know, I'll probably still be wondering about it!

If you’ve been trying the slow and steady method for years and have never stuck at anything then you might as well give the ‘go for broke’ method a try and go all out.

You say you’re feeling motivated but then your post sounds to me like you’re already procrastinating or trying to talk yourself out of it.

Go for it, start today, right now. You say you need to change your diet so that’s something you can start today, so why not.

I started with c25k -tiny runs to start with. I forced myself to go out and listened to banging dance music! It then got easier and I’ve felt pleased with myself so more able to make other changes.

Find an exercise you enjoy not one that you are 'supposed' to like.

I can only be all in or all out.

I find that if I let something slip, it's all back to square one.
I have to be 0 sugar, 0 processed carbs, walk each day. High protein, lots of veg and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate or it all falls to shit very quickly.

Go for it!

Could you afford a life coach or something like that? Something needs to be different this time.

every one is different - some will respond to a log of big changes and fast results - others may feel defeated and give up.
Why not set yourself a target? 4 weeks of BIG CHANGE, then review. If it's going well, brilliant. If you've had lapses, been defeated by it, revise and go the slow and steady route.

I did make big changes 5 years ago - low carbohydrate diet and excercise. I didn't stick to it - but I did lose about 30kg. I haven't put it all back on - about 5kg, so it wasn't a total waste of time. I keep trying to psyche myself up to doing it again - not quite there yet!

Can you afford a personal trainer? Someone to put you on the right track, guide you until your new regime becomes habitual. Then introduce some other habits like yoga when you start feeling more successful and better about yourself.

I have recently retired, so completely new life. My strategy is to set up new life in increments ie I joined a slimming club and lost excess weight I was carrying, joined two different yoga groups so classes are different and keep me interested and now introducing/joining things I have always wanted to do, but one thing at a time. Group activities are great for motivation by the way as you feel obliged to keep going, especially if you've paid out the fees.

We are taught that we need to make lifestyle changes, that 'fad' diets don't work that we can't just change overnight.

But IME sometimes you need to make a massive change. You need to reject a way of life completely and step into a new one. Sometimes it is not a side step into a similar career but different job you need, but to go completely back to the drawing board and start a whole new career path. Sometimes you don't need to work with the wardrobe you've got, you need to donate everything and start over from scratch. Sometimes you don't need to just cut down on the pastries, you need to go on a ketogenic diet. Sometimes a drastic change is the perfect thing. It can snap you out of procrastination and into action, and once you are busy eg. Going to the gym regularly or eating a healthy diet, the other lifestyle changes start to fall into place as well. That "fuck it I'm just going to do it" mentality can switch you into a different way of thinking and being. It can bring an urgency to life changes which otherwise might not ever get initiated. And often times getting off the starting line is the biggest hurdle.

The thing I would keep in mind is that this initial burst of activity will only carry you so far, so whilst you have the energy to initiate a big change also put some things in place to 'relapse proof' your changes. Get rid of foods which don't fit your new diet, make some plans for 'swaps' for old diet breaking foods eg. Some good Fakeaway Recipes or a low calorie ice cream option. Whatever usually catches you out.

And if you do fall off the wagon, dust yourself off and get straight back on it. A lapse doesn't have to become a relapse. You don't have to go right back to the beginning you can continue onward with a little bit more knowledge about your triggers and risk factors which could catch you out in future. It's ok if the journey is a big wiggle not a straight line.

I think you know yourself best - some people work better by throwing themselves in at the deep end and others do best changing bit by bit.

The mistake we make is thinking that slipping up takes us all the way back to the beginning. But if we have a slip up a 'lapse' if we get straight back into action we don't have to go round the whole cycle, we can get straight back onto the upward cycle of change without having to go back to the precontemplation/contemplation stages.

The best way to change something is to change something. Action begets more action.

I’m very much all in or out too. I can give up sugar for ages but once I have a tiny bit that’s it, I’m hooked again

There's a book called Atomic Habits about habit change, which I found very helpful. Particularly, it talks about how hard it is to act in a way that doesn't align with how you see yourself. So if you want to change how you behave, you make it much easier to stick with it if you can change how you think about yourself. I see myself as a lazy arse couch potato who sits around and eats too much chocolate. Which makes it hard to be someone who commits to exercise and a healthy diet! I'm working hard now to talk about myself (in my head,
mostly, but to others if the opportunity arises) as someone who exercises regularly, who makes good food choices and who feels great because I do those things. Sounds slightly odd, but it does make it easier to put in the effort.

Although I need now to put the cat down and go to the gym

I really like the suggestion of trying it for 4 weeks and assessing, that seems short enough that I should be able to commit, while long enough to make some real difference.
My pledges for the next 4 weeks:

1. no biscuits, crisps, chocolate, cake, chips, alcohol
2. plenty of fruit and veg, and eating under 1300 calories a day
3. gym on every day off (I don't get many...)
4. complete the first 4 weeks of couch 2 5k (have a treadmill in the spare room so can do this on a work day)
5. drink 2 litres of water a day

You are right to take action now, my very poor diet and lifestyle has caught up with me and I'm now on blood pressure medication at 41. The doctor literally said 'you're at an age now where you can't just ignore it'. So I now need to get myself sorted out too!

Thanks for all, these so much ringing true, especially the PP who said I sound like I'm already making excuses - that really resonated, it's so true. I feel like I'm fundamentally lazy and I don't actually want to make these changes on a superficial level, because it's such a lot of hard work and I'm shattered all the time from having two young kids and a busy, emotionally demanding (albeit only 3 days a week) job. But that's all just excuses.

What other posters have said about knowing yourself and how to change habits is all good food for thought. I'm so unhappy with myself, I know I'm not living the way I want to and I know the risks for that down the line, so I do want to change, get some exercise, eat way less sugar etc. But I do get very easily defeated, which I hate about myself

If you've previously not succeeded the slow and steady way, I don't see any harm in trying the dramatic route. Worst case scenario is it doesn't work for you, but you might find aspects of it stick.

Interesting thread. I’m in the same boat but older and fatter OP. Desperately need to do something but can’t quite get started.

Will read this thread again in more detail, bits of it are inspiring.

Have a look at the saxenda thread - is working for me. I'm in a similar situation and going for broke

Some people are all or nothing types. Including me. You can do it.

Op I am in the same position and absolutely loved your opening post because I can completely identify.

15stone
47
fat fat fat fat fat

I think I also need to go for broke