Don't want to do sleepover at DC 'friend' house

[23Elfie]

So DC 7 has a 'friend' at school. They are supposedly best pals but the friend is very bossy and controlling, DC has really had to learn to stand up for themselves over the years. Friend rules the roost at home and is not punished for awful behaviour which can display at times, strops if don't get own way and parents give in. Always a drama happening with this particular child. Tried to ignore it as much as I can as I know kids have spats one min and best friends the next. DC has now started to distance themselves a bit and play with the other kids more.
Friend has invited a group over for bday but DC can't make the date. Friend mum suggested we go swimming and a sleepover which we did last year as the date of that party clashed again. The swimming was fine but the sleepover was horrendous, I had to stay too as DC is awful sleeper and has anxiety isssues and I really don't want to do it again. How do we politely decline the sleepover? I don't want to cause a bad feeling but this child really irritates me and I dread the thought of another sleepover. I know I'm probably being U but I really don't want to listen to DC and friend arguing and whinging again

Sorry, we've learned DC doesn't do well with sleepovers, maybe when she is older.

DD had a friend who hated sleeping away until she 11/12

Just say thanks - DC isnt very good at sleepovers so I will pick up at 9/9:30

You actually went and stayed at the friends house yourself as well?? Surely that was incredibly awkward...?

No need to include reasons around dram with friend, or whether you like the friendship or the child in question. Your child cant do sleepovers (and a sleepover where the parent just comes too shouldnt be an option...) So thats your reason for declining the invite.

You went on the sleep over, too?

Why?

Clearly your DC just isn’t ready for them yet. Many aren’t and that’s OK.

You just say, ‘DC is not easy for sleep-overs yet, maybe in a couple of years, but would love to go swimming. Shall I come and collect them at x time?’

*not ready

@ChatterMonkey

You actually went and stayed at the friends house yourself as well?? Surely that was incredibly awkward...?

No need to include reasons around dram with friend, or whether you like the friendship or the child in question. Your child cant do sleepovers (and a sleepover where the parent just comes too shouldnt be an option...) So thats your reason for declining the invite.

Yes... God did I regret it. They have a lovely big house so plenty of room for us both, the parents are nice people and I get along with them (but think they need to be tougher on kids but that's not my business) there's a fairly big ish group of kids and the adults socialise together, but yeah it was awkward and I want to avoid the sleepover this time. I know I did myself no favours first time round x

My dd hated sleepovers. I used to get little texts at
3.00 am saying ‘help’.

We struggled with a couple then she just bowed out.

It started again about 12/13, but now at 15 she just wants her own bed and plenty of lip,

Kip🙄

Sorry, was it just you that went to the sleepover or other parents too?
I genuinely think that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever read on MN.
If your kids anxious about it you have the best excuse in the world? Just say thanks but no thanks??

@springhassprung86 i agree that its the weirdest thing ive ever read on here!

How did it even get suggested as an option, did you suggest it or did they? I can just imagine the parents of the friend whispering in the kitchen about wtf do they do, and being too polite to tell you to go home and take your child with you

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

My dd hated sleepovers. I used to get little texts at 3.00 am saying ‘help’.

We struggled with a couple then she just bowed out.

It started again about 12/13, but now at 15 she just wants her own bed and plenty of lip,

Fantastic username 😂

Yeah I don't think id even get out the door if I tried to leave DC there.
Thank you for your views everyone, I'm gonna message back and say yes let's do swimming / day out but DC would prefer to come home after x

Erm just say no thanks? Tell DD to say no, shes 7 so old enough now to say how she feels. Start standing up and showing your DD how to.

I always hated sleep overs as a child discovered later that it was actually a combo of strange beds and having to share a room.
Just say dc isn't ready for sleep over but happily pick dc u after swimming

Listen to you child and you know what is best for her and 7 is very young anyway. My son only stayed at cousin's when he was that age and he did sleep overs when he was older but he was always exhausted as his best friend had 9 in the family and he found it overwhelming as he is only child and could not wait to get home to his own bed. Tell the woman that a day out sounds lovely but sleepovers best to wait for a few years as too much for now. Be straight up and do not be forced into it.

Honestly it's totally normal at that age to say they aren't ready. My dd wasn't ready until she was 9 and there.are friends of my other dcs who I've invited aged 8 and 9 and their parents have said the same. No big deal.

I had to stay too as DC is awful sleeper and has anxiety isssues and I really don't want to do it again. How do we politely decline the sleepover?

Honestly, I find that so bizarre. You went along on a children's sleepover?

It's easy to decline in future. Just tell them your child is nowhere near ready for sleepovers, as proven by the fact you had to accompany her last time!

“Sorry we’ve decided to leave it a few years before doing sleepovers again, DD just doesn’t enjoy them”.

Yeah just say it’s clear your kid is not ready for sleepovers, as the fact that you actually went and stayed there surely demonstrates that? I love my child but my god, I would draw the line at ever doing that just so they could have a sleepover.

Say that you would love to go swimming but cannot stay for a sleepover (make a reason)

My 8 year old has never had a sleepover… she doesn’t want to, wouldn’t enjoy it so I just politely decline. My 6 year old loves sleepovers. They’re all different. Just say no!

Did you stay in the same room as all of the kids, have snacks and watch films?

I hated sleepovers - they always stopped being fun around 9pm anyway!

Just say no??

I’ve honestly never heard of 6/7 year olds having sleepovers with friends. I genuinely can’t imagine it not being overwhelming for any of the DC I know, which I think may have driven bad behaviour . Family occasions feel a bit different but school friends? Not really. I think I’d just say she doesn’t seem ready (which on the basis of what you’ve said is probably true).

Hi all just catching up on all the messages.
So it was just me and DC at the sleepover, dc and friend watched films ate popcorn etc I was with the friends parents and had food and some drinks etc.
It was alright but when it actually came to 'bedtime' neither child would actually go to bed and we all ended up going at the same time (really bloody late I'm talking about midnight in the end). Just a bit of an all round disaster and I said to myself never again.
Now it's come up and my post was to see if I was being a nob to say no after we'd already done it once. But I'm glad I'm not being a wierdo!

I've answered the text now and said as most of you have, love to go swimming but will come and collect later on after they've had a Mcdonalds or whatever for tea as DC is such a poor sleeper so we think it's best to leave it a couple of years or so until they are older x

You actually went and stayed at the friends house yourself as well?? Surely that was incredibly awkward...?

My thoughts exactly.

I've read a lot of odd things on MN over the years, but this has got to be right up there