Restraining orders and social services

[Mummyisme2012]

This is a post for opinions please to show
My sister how serious this is.

She has a restraining order on her ex from 2019 the police gave her an indefinite one, anyway they got back together on and off without anyone knowing, she became pregnant, they split, she reported him to the police for harassment etc, he got arrested, social did a child in need plan and closed the case as she was doing everything correctly, they did however state he shouldn’t be put on the birth certificate and if he wants contact to go through court for contact centre.

Anyways she’s mentions getting back with him and dropping the restraining order -

What would happen if she did this?
Would social be notified?
Would they even let her drop the order?
What would social services do if they found out?
(He has a criminal history)

Their child is now 2 years old and the SS did their last report when she was 3/4
Months pregnant. Thank you for your advice

Social services have zero say on birth certificates

@mummykel16 she was specifically told
Not to put him on the birth certificate x

@Philisophigal I really don’t think she should even risk taking it to court to drop the restraining order Incase the social did get involved x

I can imagine they would advise that, they couldn't stop her if she wanted to.

Sure I read of someone fined for these type of shenanigans wasting police time etc a while back

I think she needs to do the freedom programme and work out why she keeps wanting to go back with her abusive ex.

@mummykel16 @jeaux90 I’m sure she was told too but lock downs happened, so I don’t think she completed the programme.

I think she thinks she can drop the restraining order and the social wouldn’t know. I’ve told her I think the courts would notify someone x

It's quite difficult to get an indefinite restraining order so the abuse must've been significant. If she applies to the court social care will be made aware given the circumstances, they will re-assess, given the only reason it was closed before was due to the relationship ending and get being seen as safeguarding the child from him it is very likely it will be re-opened at child in need or even child protection level. The court can and do decline applications to lift restraining orders, particularly where there are children involved or the victim is vulnerable (I see this weekly through my work) , is he currently on licence or known to probation?

If she were my sister I’d be telling her in very strong terms that she was absolutely batshit for considering getting back with this monster. I’d also tell her that if she did, I’d be telling social services myself. It’s one thing for her to make dangerous choices for herself, it’s quite another when she’s making dangerous decisions that affect a child.
Don’t sit back passively whilst she drives head on into a disaster.

On a personal level, if she's getting back with him and is not protecting her child, I'd report her to social care myself

@RewildingAmbridge the restraining order was granted before she knew she was pregnant I believe, also I think he might of had someone make an order of protection against him before and had a criminal history from years ago.

He is currently on probation for another year I believe and is apparently currently in court for a crime he committed 10 years ago - armed robberies although I don’t know how
Much of that is completely true x

@RewildingAmbridge oh and I’m sure he had an assessment for his mental health to try get away with his criminal court case, if I’m correct he’s tried getting it thrown out of court as he has BPD, mild psychosis and SAD x

Like someone else said they have no say on birth certificate though of course they would advise not to put him on there.

Also like someone else said indefinite restraining orders arent handed out like candy, so to get one indefinitely would imply significant levels of abuse.

In terms of getting it removed - she would be within her rights to do that but as far as the courts having to tell someone - I'm not sure that they would.

Though if she does that then you could of course report it to social services or even his probation office as they then would be able to submit a safeguarding referral to get a case reopened.

@Tee20x she didn’t apply the police automatically gave her the restraining order x

I worked with a family once where a request was made to cease the restraining order and the judge made a referral to inform childrens services as they knew there had been involvement and they have a duty to safeguard

@wishuponastar1988 even if the order was made before a baby was involved? X

No baby was already born and they referred in. I would guess if the restraining order was indefinite then the abuse/risk was very serious and they would probably consider that but it would also depend on what has changed now x

@wishuponastar1988 I think they also based it on his previous history before they had met. Which she didn’t know about c

Yep definitely. It is likely that other professionals working with the family would flag it up anyway (health visitor, nursery etc) if they knew about the history and any assessment would take into consideration the risk/what has changed etc

Restraining orders are made by a court, not by the police, and an indefinite restraining order is comparatively rare, which suggests that there was a high risk of violence. Your sister could apply to the court which made the order to have it set aside or varied, but there is no guarantee that she would succeed. If she resumes contact with her potentially violent ex partner and he is deemed a risk to the child, Social Services may take action which could potentially include removal of the child. So effectively she would be choosing this man over her child and needs to think about whether it's the right choice.

There are actually plenty of men out there who aren't psychotic and don't have criminal records.

Of social found out they would have concern’s and will likely want to do an assessment. She would be termed as not being protective or prioritising her child’s needs! I know I wouldn’t risk it

My sister use to work in a contact centre, she said the majority of women visiting their children there had had them taken off them because they stayed with their violent partners, one had her children removed as she told ss she had broken up with her partner but had been spotted out with him and children were removed.

What will happen is that at some point he will assault her again and it will be referred to social services at which point the child may end up on a child protection plan or even subject to care proceedings. It's hardly worth it...

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

What will happen is that at some point he will assault her again and it will be referred to social services at which point the child may end up on a child protection plan or even subject to care proceedings. It's hardly worth it...

This, except they won’t wait for something to happen if they find out about it beforehand.

I really don’t think she should even risk taking it to court to drop the restraining order Incase the social did get involved x

This is a shit attitude. Why do you think “the social” will be involved, it’s not for nothing. If she succeeds in hiding her relationship from social services (which she won’t do indefinitely), for that time period her child will be living with an abusive man, and may suffer trauma which affects her for life. You should be reporting it yourself, not encouraging her to conceal it.