Restraining orders and social services

[Mummyisme2012]

This is a post for opinions please to show
My sister how serious this is.

She has a restraining order on her ex from 2019 the police gave her an indefinite one, anyway they got back together on and off without anyone knowing, she became pregnant, they split, she reported him to the police for harassment etc, he got arrested, social did a child in need plan and closed the case as she was doing everything correctly, they did however state he shouldn’t be put on the birth certificate and if he wants contact to go through court for contact centre.

Anyways she’s mentions getting back with him and dropping the restraining order -

What would happen if she did this?
Would social be notified?
Would they even let her drop the order?
What would social services do if they found out?
(He has a criminal history)

Their child is now 2 years old and the SS did their last report when she was 3/4
Months pregnant. Thank you for your advice

@RewildingAmbridge

On a personal level, if she's getting back with him and is not protecting her child, I'd report her to social care myself

How will you feel, if your sister ends up injured for life or even dead? How will you feel, if it is one or more of the babies? (And however many extra babies there will be?)

(By the way, has she considered ensuring she does not continually become pregnant? Or even considered not remaining pregnant each time she 're-unites'?)

As PP have said, it’s the court that grants the RO and the court who would rescind it. She needs to make the effort of applying for this in the first place - many women don’t bother, then are astonished when the next time they have a scrap and she calls the police, he gets locked up and in front of the court. Him saying ‘she’s allowed me here’ or ‘she’s planning to get it overturned’ is no defence.

As PP have also said indefinite ROs are usually for the worst cases of DV, and it’s not a given the court will rescind it. They also ask the officer in charge of the original investigation for their view. If there was evidence of severe violence or a long history, they are likely to reply saying they very much oppose this.

So it may not be quite as straightforward as she envisages.

@Daenerys77 yes the police requested it at court but she didn’t go to court for the order, so like you said there must be more she didn’t know about previously with him,

I just wanted to show her the comments as she seemed to social would leave them be.

I didn’t know indefinite ones where so rare, I’d love to know what he’s done before to warrant this, the time she first called the police he was scarily aggressive, smashed her laptop to pieces, said he’d stab her and pushed her up against a wall, but there have been times worse then that when she didn’t call the police where he’d stamped on her etc but she didn’t call them as was too scared.

@AHungryCaterpillar defo puts its into perspective thank you.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I defo agree and will be showing her everyone’s comments so she realises how serious it could be, thank you

@Mummyisme2012 if you don't want to contact social care you can contact his probation officer, just Google the local office they won't tell him that you reported it. He sounds like a very dangerous man. He may well be under MAPPA

Indefinite restraining orders are not giving out unless there has been shocking violent abuse committed. I have one against my ex partner, he was originally giving a two year one which he breached 3 times & on the 3rd time he tried killing me. He was sentenced to 3 years and handed the indefinite restraining order in the court at his sentencing. I very much doubt she'll be able to have it dropped. He must be a very violent individual.

@NCLsim1990 I really want to know his history to find out why! As like I said the first time she called the police I mean it was scary but wasn’t the worst! I know a girl he had seen prior to her had called the police on him and who knows what else then, just wish we knew!!

Like I said she didn’t even ask for the order the police took him to court on the Monday and the judge granted it and the police rung and told her they’d given an indefinite restraining order x

@NCLsim1990 oh and he breached it twice and got a warning the first time, second time he got remanded for 8 weeks then given 2 year suspended and 2 year probation x

You’re coming at this all wrong
Your first priority
Are the children and unborn baby involved in this situation

Your sister has proven herself to be utterly incapable of being a mother.

I would contact SS immediately and fully inform them

And if your sister needs to see a mumsnet thread to grasp how serious the situation is

That is bloody concerning in itself

She’s been told more than once. If they consider him that dangerous they could well just remove the child. She’s had enough chances to show she can put her child first.

Does she think they play at this?

@implantreplace no their child is already two years old this happened when she was pregnant and before x

@Mummyisme2012
Can you not find out the next time they meet up or if he goes to her home and then ring the police & tell them you fear for her safety. Hopefully they'll go arrest him & 3rd time lucky sentence him to a full 5 year. It states on the RO that they can be given 5 year for a breach so fingers crossed 🤞🏼 and that will give your sister time away from him and time to plan hers and the babies future without him. I really hope you can talk some sense into her or she comes to her senses before anything happens to her or the baby x

If she was pregnant when it happened then that child has already been exposed to trauma. If she reunites with him (and given she already knows what he is like) that will be exposing that child for a second time. That is going to be treated very seriously by social care and at the very least that child will be subject to child protection procedures. The level of violence indicated by the indefinite restraining order could mean they will potentially seek legal advice very quickly. Your sister needs to think very carefully why almost 2 years on she is prepared to put herself back through this again. She urgently needs to complete the freedom programme

I work in this field. Same situation you described, the children were removed from the mother. Heartbreaking whilst understanding the reasoning behind the decision.

[quote Mummyisme2012]@implantreplace no their child is already two years old this happened when she was pregnant and before x[/quote]
What is your point?

My point still stands

Your sister has proved herself to be incapable of making sensible decisions in the best interest of herself and her child

So you need to go to SS, you need to update, you need to push this

I work with children who have been through the care system. The amount of them who are there because their mum has chosen a man over their child is genuinely shocking.

The was a restraining order, there will have been a very good reason. He's on probation, presumably he wasn't arrested for helping Grannies walk across the road, there is a reason.

She needs to prioritise her child, not this man. No good will come of it.

I think she needs to access his DV records via Clares law, an indefinite restraining order suggests he is a very dangerous man. Who will harm not only your sister but her child as well.

If she asks the court to set aside the RO, they may very well, and rightly so contact SS, as the child will be at risk.

If you as her sister know she is in contact with the ex, and is considering a relationship with him, you need to contact SS, as she is putting her child at risk for this man.

She needs to complete the freedom programme, she needs to realise that she could lose her child because of this man, she herself could be a punching bag, and end up dead because of this man.

It is not unusual for children to be removed from a mother if she is unable to protect them from exposure to domestic abuse, because it is recognised that witnessing domestic violence is significantly emotionally harmful to children and places them at risk of physical harm.

Your sister is singularly failing in her duty as a parent and is prioritising her relationship with this man over the safety of her and the children. She needs to listen to professional advice, cut him out of her life, refer herself to the freedom programme and focus on what her child and unborn child need from her.

Your sister is not putting her DC first, she is in an abusive relationship and despite help returns. She would be better handing her DC to social services and continue her shitty relationship without causing any more damage to them.. I grew up in a DV household, that was in a time with no support and as a DC living in that it has left me and my siblings very damaged and we all live with heightened stress and anxiety.

@daisyjgrey @YouCantTourniquetTheTaint the restraining order was granted before they knew she was pregnant,

If myself or my sister request Claire’s law do you know the process? Does anyone get notified that we’ve asked to look into this?

As I said I know a women/girl called the police on him before and he got taken to court, and I know when he was younger he did some sort of criminal activities.

She reported him when she was pregnant as he was threatning and harassing and he did get put in prison for 8 weeks x

If she chooses to go back to a man who has beat n and abused her then yes, she could lose her children. There's no point pretending that's not possible.

You just have to hope she loves her children more than she wants to get back together with a dangerous criminal who has stamped on her.

She can apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure through her local police force website. It doesn’t take long to apply. They will only share the info with her (not you). But surely she already knows all she needs to know about him and how violent he is towards women? Children’s Services will step in to protect her 2 year old child. A child being exposed to domestic abuse is also a victim of abuse. Unless this man has completely changed his life she must see that she is putting herself and her little one at massive risk of harm.

It doesn't matter whether the order was given when she was pregnant or 20 minutes ago. What I said still stands.

Considering you came on here saying you wanted responses so your sister could see how serious the situation is, you're minimising a lot. This situation is serious. She could lose her child.

She shouldn't get back with a man who threatened to harm her, he is not a good partner or father. Social services and family court if care proceedings happen will not be impressed by this history.

@daisyjgrey not minimising, just making facts clear. Your responses are exactly what I wanted! Thanks everyone x

@Daenerys77

Restraining orders are made by a court, not by the police, and an indefinite restraining order is comparatively rare, which suggests that there was a high risk of violence. Your sister could apply to the court which made the order to have it set aside or varied, but there is no guarantee that she would succeed. If she resumes contact with her potentially violent ex partner and he is deemed a risk to the child, Social Services may take action which could potentially include removal of the child. So effectively she would be choosing this man over her child and needs to think about whether it's the right choice.

There are actually plenty of men out there who aren't psychotic and don't have criminal records.

This is an accurate answer to your query of what would happen.

1. Court would notify Children's Social Care (CSC)
2. CSC will want to do assessments to evidence what has changed, if anything.
3. Assessments may deem that father is a risk and therefore disagree with relationship.
4. Possibility of child being removed from parents care if they do not acknowledge risk factors identified through assessments and abide by reccomendations set to safeguard their child.