How do affairs start?

[User112]

How would one know the other is even interested? I heard of affairs between family friends. They meet for dinners/days out with families! How the hell does it all start? All I can imagine is one party being really interested, the other side getting uncomfortable and slowly starts distancing.

Some affairs start when one or two of the people are confiding in each other about their relationship. They are friends or acquaintances and just want to vent to someone. They don’t always set out to have an affair or cheat.
Over time an emotional bond builds and they begin to rely on each other. It can then become flirty and lead to a sexual relationship.
Some people seek out cheating and having an affair by going online dating or intentionally flirting with others.

I'd imagine with two people who have that undeniable chemistry. I've met a couple of people in my life where it's just very instant connection/attraction. You both know instantly that you'd want to have sex.

Then I guess it's all about opportunity/easing the ice.

I've never gone for any of the people I had this with but I can see how easily it could be done if your marriage is in a bad patch.

@Calandor

I'd imagine with two people who have that undeniable chemistry. I've met a couple of people in my life where it's just very instant connection/attraction. You both know instantly that you'd want to have sex.

Then I guess it's all about opportunity/easing the ice.

I've never gone for any of the people I had this with but I can see how easily it could be done if your marriage is in a bad patch.

That’s also true. I’ve been very happily with DH for a long time, but have certainly met more than one other person I’ve thought I could imagine myself having a relationship with, had we been single — in one case it was mutual, but as we were both happily married, just ignored it till it went away, and remained good friends.

How like all relationships start they find each other attractive maybe this was instant attraction or attraction grows (often does when people spend time together that’s why so many happen at work)

Why for many reasons some boredom, other unhappy more often than not it’s lust and desire

So easily if the people are in the 'right' frame of mind.

A few messages on SM can very very quickly turn into something inappropriate and then one thing leads to another.

With young children they can get away with meeting up with the children around as the children don't know any better.

It’s normally when something is not right at home. Normally one party feels disconnected and taking for granted.

People don't like to acknowledge this, because it can strike when there are no issues in the primary relationship; but ime, they often start when at least one of the people thinks they have met someone much more suited to them, attractive, interesting, whatever, than their primary partner. They then start paying the new person lots of attention; often becoming their best/special 'friend' in the first instance, then become increasingly flirty, and/or confess feelings. The other party may feel likewise, or may just be flattered by the attention of the besotted one and a bit bored or feeling taken for granted. It doesn't matter whether they meet at work, or in a friendship group or wherever, this often tends to be the pattern. For one off affairs anyway. Serial cheats are usually different.

I used to judge people who have an affair. Being in a dead marriage, years of being taken for granted, ignored etc, it takes a lot to not fall for admiration, attention and above all, companionship.
I broke up with good family friends after I realised sparks flying. It’s for everyone’s best. However, I sometimes wonder if we’d have crossed the line ever.

To the person that PMed me, I’m not trying to find random someone on the internet to start an affair with 🤣

Social media plays a part. Very easy to message an ex partner or someone you fancied at school or work “Hi how are you doing” - that can then lead to more flirting and more. My friend had an affair with her counsellor which I found disgusting as he had taken advantage of her obvious vulnerability.