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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think kids don't get bullied for their names these days

91 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 11/03/2022 21:56

I got bullied in the 80's for my unusual name.

My DC have unusual names and say they have never been bullied or laughed at for their names.

We live in a part of the country where there are lots of Eastern Europeans, Portuguese and folk from Madeira and so the names of the kids mates are really diverse.

I do think we have left the bad old days behind and a persons name is just that with minimal connotations.

Obvs there will still be the old class divide between the British, but in general I don't think kids names lead to bullying in the way the used to. And honestly hurrah for that!

OP posts:
PourSomeLove · 12/03/2022 00:12

It’s not that kids get badly bullied due to names, but they do have to deal with small comments often. The comments are not necessarily even meant negatively but to have your name commented on so often is really annoying for them.

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/03/2022 00:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LilQueenie · 12/03/2022 00:39

No one is bullied over a name they get bullied because adults lead children by example and teach hate either knowingly or unknowingly. A bully will use anything they want to make life a misery and those who go along with it often do out of fear.

KittensTeaAndCake · 12/03/2022 00:39

The teachers and TAs all have a good old laugh when they get the new intake lists in the summer trust me.

Well maybe you could learn a thing or two from the DC who are more accepting than the adults?!

Ionlydomassiveones · 12/03/2022 00:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Chocolattay · 12/03/2022 01:03

YANBU.

Only adults are nasty about names these days.
People can be horrid and snobbish towards K names/_den names

Chocolattay · 12/03/2022 01:06

I’m not a kid, obviously, but the only time I’ve ever gone Hmm at a name was a baby called Johnathan Jesus [insert generic last name similar to Smith]

MaChienEstUnDick · 12/03/2022 01:08

I agree, names aren't a bullying thing any more. Neither is sexuality. Yet I find myself grinding my teeth so often when fellow parents say 'oh isn't it lovely no-one gets bullied anymore'. Yeah, try having a neuro diverse kid. It's just the targets have changed.

OneTonNoodles · 12/03/2022 01:09

Yanbu

Kids will find the kid they want to bully and pick on anything.

I have an unusual name and was never bullied. The girls that were bullied were Samantha and Laura.

I feel like the kids that would be bullied for their name are kids that aren't named Oliver and Emma in villages.

noplayonasunday · 12/03/2022 01:52

Yabu. Totally. Can you for one minute imagine having called your daughter Alexa. Before the product was invented. My daughter lives with it. Every. Single. Day. When she was in school that is. She doesn’t go any more. Every person on this thread who have stated that names aren’t a bullying thing any more are living in a fantasy world.

Kanaloa · 12/03/2022 01:53

@Ionlydomassiveones

The teachers and TAs all have a good old laugh when they get the new intake lists in the summer trust me. But kids don’t know any different so will just accept it, even if you name your kid Bovril or Toilet (nod to Horrible Histories there - apparently even the vile Victorians wanted yoounique names).
Not in any school I’ve worked at. We’d all think pretty poorly of a teacher or TA who had a ‘good old laugh’ at a child’s name. Or anything else about the child to be honest, unless they were laughing recounting something funny/cute a child said or did. But if I was assisting in a classroom and a teacher came over to have a whisper and a giggle about a child’s name I’d think it wasn’t the child that looked small and stupid.
Kanaloa · 12/03/2022 01:55

But anyway I think it’s to do with whether it’s a bulliable child to be honest. When I was at school there was a girl who was teased with a rhyme on her name (something like smelly Kelly, but not that). Thing was, there was another girl in the class with the same name who was never teased. The one who wasn’t teased was popular, confident, pretty, sporty, smart etc. Overall not a vulnerable kid. The one who was teased was teased for other things also, she was just victim of a group of bullies, so they made the name fit the bullying rather than bullied her because of her name. I’m sure if she had worn the same shoes as the other girl they would have picked on her shoes but not the other girl.

malificent7 · 12/03/2022 02:02

I didn't call dd Venus as it rhymes with penis even though i love the name. I know what kids are like.

Chocolattay · 12/03/2022 02:13

@noplayonasunday

No judgement as obviously you named her before Alexa was a thing but if it’s causing her so much grief can’t you just change it?

Kanaloa · 12/03/2022 02:36

[quote Chocolattay]@noplayonasunday

No judgement as obviously you named her before Alexa was a thing but if it’s causing her so much grief can’t you just change it?[/quote]
Or elongate it - Alexandra/Alexis etc. Although I imagine if its escalated to her leaving school there are other issues.

Marvellousmadness · 12/03/2022 02:53

Denial is not just a river in Egypt I see haha.
Of course kids bully. For all and no reason at all. Gingers. Curly haired. Short kids. Kids with 2 dads. Kids with the wrong brand shoes. And of course kids tease about weird names ... but maybe your kids names are just unusual and not idiotic.. like apricot or something 🤣

MangyInseam · 12/03/2022 03:02

I would say that over time, many of the things that bullies pick on change.

To some extent I think it's a little misguided to concentrate too much on the things that bullies focus on. Often, not always but often, bullies choose a person to attack for completely different reasons, and simply will use any plausible excuse to do so. If the victim has any kind of difference that will be picked up on, the important thing is that it is mean and hurts the person being bullied as much as possible.

Names are so varied now that unusual ones aren't so much a focus.

Coyoacan · 12/03/2022 03:32

If the school has a problem with bullying, bullies will bully over absolutely anything. It will be whatever the victim is sensitive about.

My dd has an unusual name and was not bullied for it at all in primary school in the 90s, because the school had a lovely ethos.

ukborn · 12/03/2022 05:18

I asked a friend who works in a private primary school this snd she rolled her eyes at me and said yes of course they do! 'Bullying' is a strong word but they certainly get teased.
My own daughter has auburn hair and even she gets called out for it - not always in a negative way (many adults say how beautiful a colour it is) but she hates being singled out as the one 'ginger' or 'one with the hair'.

loislovesstewie · 12/03/2022 06:38

Kids do get bullied for their names, I have evidence of that but won't mention the name.

garlictwist · 12/03/2022 06:43

@Tothemoonandbackx

Someone commented behind my back and through txt, but I did end up seeing it. I can't go into too much detail.....but they said...."that kid with the weird name" meaning my DD....I was so fucking angry when I saw it.
I am not saying this is a nice comment, it isn't. BUT if you choose a weird name for your kid then people will notice and comment on it. Isn't that sort if what you want? Otherwise you'd just go for a normal name.
Fashionesta · 12/03/2022 06:49

Depends on age. DD in primary has never commented on a child's unusual name. I think at that age they wouldn't even connect names to rude words etc. Same goes for ginger hair, glasses etc so pp is right, hate usually comes via adults.

I have to be honest though, I work in a role with vulnerable children and I see certain names come up again and again as well as very unusual names and unusual spellings. Obviously I try not to judge but I can understand why adults associated certain names with certain behaviour. Although I would never ever say this out loud obviously but I do think it's human nature. Bullying is of course never OK.

Feather12 · 12/03/2022 06:50

I agree OP. I have a weird foreign name and was teased but did not give
a fuck. Most people think I am a man before they meet me. I fucking love it. I don’t think being laughed at did me any harm at all.

gerispringer · 12/03/2022 06:50

Is teasing now the same as bullying?
Plus - what’s wrong with Bruno?
I’m not in touch with popular culture.

TheVanguardSix · 12/03/2022 06:54

@Violetmo0n

I agree. Along with wearing glasses and ginger hair. It was horrendous for people when I was at school, it's completely different now thankfully.
Really? I envy your POV. Where do you live? I want to be in that place! No they don't get bullied for their names, thankfully. This is true But they hit year 7 and get bullied for everything else under the sun. My advice is, don't send your kids to secondary in London (not greater London... London London...actual London. The kids are feral!).

I've had a child send me DMs about being Jewish and a white supremacist (because apparently, I CAN wear both those hats. Yay, me!), stupid, ignorant etc. I'm half Jewish, non-practicing, but still... it cut me to the quick. And really, deeply hurt. A 12-year-old had this 50-year-old in tears. So imagine what our kids feel like? Bullying my DD was not enough for this kid. The tentacles reached me, the parent.
I sort of wish they'd just tease you about your name! It would be so much... well, lighter!