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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed this girl is going to lie to get a council place?

84 replies

MsSparkle · 04/01/2008 22:00

This girl i know who is 20yrs old is pregnant. She currantly lives at home with her parents and her boyfriend lives with his parents.

The plan is she is going to move in with her boyfriend at his parents house then they are going to make out his parents are kicking them out so they will get a council place. Both their parents are in on this.

Does this not make your blood boil?

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 05/01/2008 21:12

My niece on my DH's side is only 21yrs old and has a 14month old girl.
She lives in a young mothers hostel and keeps complaining that her room is tiny, it's bigger than most of our bedrooms and she has been offered at least 3 diff houses but has turned them down because they are too far from her mum or they are in the wrong area.
She seems to think that the taxpayers "owe" her a house.
Her boyfriend has a job but not enough to rent a place and he lives with his parents.
Her mother my SIL became a grandmother at the tender age of 39!, so you can see why she got pregnant so young.
What annoyed me most of all was that at the xmas party we had, she spent most of her time texting her mates, ignoring her little girl and basically the grandmother and Greatgrandmother had to look after the little girl.
OK she is young but she seems just to be using motherhood as an excuse to not find a job or do some training.
It was quite embarassing as my MIL kept making digs at her about finding employment.
AB

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:20

ripeberry, we're not all like that you know

it annoys me a lot when i see 'young mums' behaving like that because it makes us all seem bad.

im 21 yo, i have a 3.2yo dd and a 14mo ds. yet i look after them myself and once ds starts pre-school and i have finished my training as an accountant i am going back to work. until then benefits (not council house though) it is

ho hum!

Ripeberry · 05/01/2008 21:23

Stacey, Of course not all young mums are like my niece, it's just that she is an intelligent young woman who seems to be wasting herself and not thinking straight about the future of her familly.
I take my hat off to all young mums, especially if they are single because there is NO WAY on God's earth i could manage it.
AB

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:29

i wasnt having a go btw. i know people like your neice from my local young mums group. but its nice to see the other side as well.

the amount people judge me by looking at me (more so when i was 17! ) drives me mad!

and i get angry at girls like your neice giving me a bad press!

but i understand what you're saying, maybe talk to her about a college course, if shes finding mothering hard it might be an easy way to get out and start meeting people, a lot have a creche for over 1yos!

havalina · 05/01/2008 21:33

I'm not sure on this issue, don't think it matters if you lie now, there are so few council houses in some areas you are still going to wait a while.

We got our 1 bed council flat after 2.5 years on the register, we were living with dp's Mum in a 2 bed council flat with 1 dd. I consider myself lucky really, the offer of a place came out of the blue I wasn't expecting it at all.

As to when we will get a 3 bedroom house (1 dd over 4 and 1 ds) feckery knows, but oh well at least we aint living at MIL's

I would love to go private (buying is not an option) but at about £900 a month for a 2 bed flat, erm no, I'll stay where I am.

Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 21:38

"there are many people on benefits where i live who believe that all southerners are middle-class snobs with great jobs,living in posh houses and driving big cars."

Lol, i don't think i'm a snob but that sounds like me; a southerner, middle-class,dp has good job, nice house and big car!

OP posts:
empen · 05/01/2008 21:40

This is common practice. Needs must!

I do not understand your problem.

empen · 05/01/2008 21:41

and actually I feel quite annoyed about your shallow view

Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 21:44

With the money she earns and with his wages as well, they could easily save now and get a small flat somewhere. It doesn't have to be a palace just as long as they have a roof over their head.

Needs must?

This is a girl who gambled away £200 at a casino last week, as she does regularly!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 21:47

There is nothing shallow about my view. I have no problem with genuine people getting housing because they need it but this is a girl who doesn't need council housing because she can afford to rent somewhere with her boyfriend.

OP posts:
Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:47

empen, no needs musn't i never did it, as many others dont.

if we all used the system properly the people that need it will get it quicker than those that just want it!

empen · 05/01/2008 21:47

Sorry was going to start ranting but would only be taking out my aggressiona and frustration on the government and their crap system on someone else.

empen · 05/01/2008 21:48

I need the system to help me and my young family and it won't.

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:49

yes its a crap system and the government doesnt do enough but this girl was going to lie, sorry but thats wrong, not needs must!

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:49

possibly because other people are lying about their situation?

you never know!

Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 21:51

Council housing is definatly a want and not a need for this girl.

OP posts:
empen · 05/01/2008 21:53

i would lie without a hesitation if it helped my situation

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 21:56

empen, but its depends if you want it or need it there is no reason for them to change the arrangement they have at the moment, except they want to

if you need it you shouldnt have to lie, although i know sometimes people do and i would understand that!

empen · 05/01/2008 21:59

i live in rented, i can scrape through to pay for it and i could live at my parents house if i wanted but my life and my childrens lives would be better if i had a bit more money and therefore had some help with my housing so is my situ a want or need?

Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 22:00

You see i think if it is just a want and not a need then you should never lie. By you lying to get ahead means someone who is in actual need will miss out sooner.

Imo it's quite selfish to put your own want ahead of someone who is in genuine need.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 22:03

empen, i think your situation is a want but not a selfish want. I can understand that you want a better life for you children and more money would help but if you were about to become homeless with absolutly no where to go then that would make the situation a need.

OP posts:
empen · 05/01/2008 22:08

i do agree that it is selfish. but i would still do it in order to look out for my own.

Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 22:09

empen, i live in a part-buy part rent. fine while dh was here. but now my rent gets paid by Housing benefit, my Mortgage however gets paid by me, regardless of the fact that both together would be less than private rent. so as to not to have to go through the council housing/uprooting my children. i stay here + can manage, just to pay the mortgage and survive.

i want more money, i want a house not a flat, i want a garden. which i may get if i lied to the council.

but i dont need it. i can manage here and as long as i can do so i will.

i may want a better life for my kids, but atm i cant, so a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and lots of love is the best i can do.

i hope your situation improves, but i cant see why you woudl advocate lying in this instance i really cant!

Original poster
MsSparkle · 05/01/2008 22:18

I admire my friend who has a 15mth old dd. She lives with her boyfriend in a flat which isn't all that warm but to her it's home. They get by because they work hard and they may not have alot of money but they are happy and are proud of the fact they are doing all by themselves.

It does make me wonder though when you hear of people in council houses who claim to be very poor yet they have sky tv and all the latest stuff. I would have thought people who are in such poverty wouldn't be able to afford such luxuaries?

OP posts:
Staceym21AtLast · 05/01/2008 22:19

mssparkle, like some of the girls at young mums i mentioned earlier. claims she is skint, yet when it comes to new clothes for her or the kids, they are always new and always designer and i live like i live why?

oh yeah i have the mortgage but dotn wanna live in a flat like yours.