AIBU or is it SO hard to make mum friends?!

[heynowheyhow]

As the title says really, I am 22 so probably considered a young mum but I have found it so hard to make mum friends.

I have tried NCT (what a waste of money that was), numerous baby classes, swimming lessons, Facebook groups and still don't even have one mum friend.

It's getting me so down, I feel like these classes are so judgemental and some mums have cliques who they won't allow anyone else in to, it's like going back to school!

If you’re doing all of those things I don’t understand how you haven’t made one friend

Have you got any friends who aren’t mums?

@Pru19

Have you got any friends who aren’t mums?

Yes I have one but I moved quite a while away from her so we don't see eachother anymore

I didn’t make any either I just couldn’t engage in mindless chat I feel you have to be over enthusiastic I was too tired. I like my normal friends I had before kids so that’s fine for me!

It's probably your age - I'd assume a cool young 22 year old wouldn't want to be friends with me (a haggard old 37 year old!) although I'd be delighted to chat to you. Are there any young mum groups near you? Or do you feel brave enough to take the plunge and ask to swap numbers at a baby/toddler group?

I had my first DC at 22 and really struggled to make mum friends too. I made a couple friends online and then really not many more until my eldest started school. Feel free to pm me if you want someone to chat to.

@Pru19

If you’re doing all of those things I don’t understand how you haven’t made one friend

I know, I thought making mum friends was easy judging from other people. The women just already have their groups and they don't even acknowledge anyone outside of their little group. I have tried talking to them but I get the usual one word answers..

Have you heard of the app peanut? Sounds like what you are looking for

I didn't make any either when my kids were babies despite going to lots of baby groups etc. Once they started school I made a lot more. I don't think those baby groups are all that great for making friends, people do tend to be in cliques already.

I dunno, I see people saying this online but my experience of mum groups is that everyone is there for the same end goal and if they go and already know someone they tend to stick together out of awkwardness rather than being ‘cliquey’ and tying to exclude anyone.
Do you strike up conversations with other women there and suggest going for a coffee after the class? If you don’t put yourself out there and plan things outside of the class or group then you will never be more than acquaintances.
How old is your baby now?
I find things like stay and plays at libraries or church halls more causal, there isn’t as much time for mingling at classes as it’s a bit ‘in and out’ but the point of the stay and plays or coffee mornings is literally to chat so people are much more receptive.
You have done a lot of things so you might need to look at your own behaviour, you have had the option to meet people but obviously nothing has stuck. It’s hard, but if you are shy and reserved it makes it very difficult to make friends as an adult because people have limited time to foster new relationships.
Put yourself out there next time!

I find it hard to make friends generally. I met my mum friends at NCT and also a mum and baby club called Busy Lizzy. Only a few friends, but then a couple of them introduced me to their friends and there were more then. It did take time, and involved persistence at going to the same classes every week for a while and making an effort to chat. I'm expecting it to get easier when my kids start school as well.

I found it hard when my kids were small but now they're a bit bigger it's easier. 2 & 4

I've become pretty shameless though 😂

I'm forever engaging people with small children and giving out my number. It pays off sometimes because you're not the only one feeling alone. Some people are just waiting for someone else to make the first move

I've found parks the best place for finding mum buddies

Aww op, i felt like this at first as im a young mum (well was haha) until I met one mum at a play group who broke that feeling for me an now I talk to lots of mums an do things with them an their kids, don't give up, just not found the right people yet x

Same experience here. People turned up to groups in pre-established packs and weren't interested in mixing around. I was 30 & 32, typical age for my area and neither too "young" nor too "old". I tried so many different groups and generally the Sure Starts were better. The more you paid, the worse they tended to be.
I've struggled with the school gate mums too.

I've got non-mum friends, but having local friends avaliable through the day would have been useful. My actual friends, I've bonded with over shared hobbies. I don't seem to make it past casual aquaintence with people who are just there same place, same time, same life stage.

I'm looking for new Mum friends. Keeping going! We are out there. Think we're all just a bit shy about making the first move, so we pretend we're all cool and stuff.

@lola006

I had my first DC at 22 and really struggled to make mum friends too. I made a couple friends online and then really not many more until my eldest started school. Feel free to pm me if you want someone to chat to.

Hello, I feel you the nicest person I've come across is a lady I bought something off of on vinted! She asked me how I was doing but think she will think I'm weird if I ask for her contact details on a clothes app. I'm not too sure how to message on here, would love to chat.

I’ll be honest I didn’t make a single friend who was a mum until the last year of nursery, meeting the same
Mums at the same bdays and gelling. It’s easier once babies aren’t babies, I think when children are so young, especially first time mums are all too consumed to engage and get to know someone new.

I went to baby groups and always felt like an outsider. In the end I literally posted on the local mums Facebook group and just asked if anyone wanted to meet up for a coffee and said my kids age and that I was new to the area. Two mums replied and we became a little trio and we went for coffee, park, play dates fairly often. Both lovely people but very much mum friends not just me friends if that makes sense. I've made quite a few more over the last few years that have become actual close friends aside from the kids and to be honest the two closest of them one of them I approached and just made it obvious I wanted to be friends. One of them did the same but to me! It's awkward but it's the best way to be.

I was 22 with my first by the way and was a lot younger than most in baby groups, I went to a local young mums club and was the oldest there by about 4/5 years! I didn't really feel like I had my place for a while. I'm pregnant again now and feel like I've found my people, so it's less daunting than with the first, but I'm always open for new/more mum friends so keep hope!

I would second the suggestion of the Peanut app. It is like Tinder for mums. I found it very useful after finding a local group on there. We now meet up regularly.

It's probably your age, I'm so sorry! I'm 35 and most mums I meet are similar age to me. Even a 25 year old I would scroll past on Peanut... because I can't imagine regularly hanging out with someone so much younger than me.
Can you find a specific group for younger mums?!

Have you been to church hall/ community centre toddler groups? I always found them the most friendly. You need to give it a few weeks though. When you first go it feels like everyone knows each other and are old friends but most won't be, they'll have just met at the group and got to know each other.

I was going to suggest the Peanut app too.

OP we moved cities when my youngest was 16 months old. I'm naturally quite shy but pushed myself to go to the local parent/toddler group and nobody spoke to me. It crushed me. I felt so lonely and isolated. I couldn't face the following week but forced myself to go back the week after. There was a woman there who hadn't been there the first week. She was so chatty and friendly and it changed everything. That was 23 years ago and we're still good friends. It only takes one person, so keep on trying.

Are you willing to say whereabouts you are? Someone may be able to suggest a good group.

@Hangthetowels

It's probably your age, I'm so sorry! I'm 35 and most mums I meet are similar age to me. Even a 25 year old I would scroll past on Peanut... because I can't imagine regularly hanging out with someone so much younger than me. Can you find a specific group for younger mums?!

Don't apologise, Its good to get honest opinions! Downloading the peanut app now

I think baby groups are very hit and miss. And why would you be friends really.

I think you need to do a pull of all the possible activities in your area, and try everything half a dozen times. But try some non baby things too (do you have a partner so you can go out to do things at evenings or weekends?)

… and yeah I think age is likely a factor. Is everyone else 30 plus?