Partner has said he doesn't want to be with me during and argument 3 times now

[iloveflowers2021]

So, I've recently had a baby, well 1 year ago. I've solely breast fed and I've not left my baby and as much as this is my choice (as I know it's not forever) I just want to savour every moment before I have to go back to FT work. I have obviously been sleep deprived, hormones all over the shop and genuinely feel like my partner should help more (I get he works really hard) but I'm sick of having to ask him to help. Its his child too.

We had a big argument last night (well, a very short not very loud one as we don't like to do that in front of our baby) I admittedly got frustrated and slammed the bedroom door. He then made a spiteful comment about how I wouldn't be so stressed if I did things properly. Bearing in mind I do EVERYTHING! All he has to do is come home and play with our son when he gets home (surely that's not a chore) but it gives me time to get some things done.

I'm not saying he's bad, but he just doesn't seem to have any empathy for how hard (but obviously rewarding) it is. I try to explain my anxiety's about going back to work and he just dismisses them. He just doesn't get it!

Anyway, last night for the 3rd time he said he's had enough, doesn't know why he's stayed with me this long and doesn't love me or our son.

I am just so fed up of no longer communicating like adults and being a team. It's a constant battle.

IF he wants to leave, then what can I do? I earn well, but have accumulated a bit of debt as wanted to have a longer time off work and so now I just don't know how I'd afford to keep the house, pay childcare and just generally live. I know I would survive, but it's daunting. Where would I even start! I don't want to sell our home, but not sure if I would be approved to take on all the mortgage. It's not a huge mortgage thankfully, but with the debt I've accumulated I'm a bit screwed.

I just feel like he's made a decision and I have no choice.

He's still here, but in another room playing with the baby. Its just an awkward atmosphere!

Xx

@gingerhills 😅😅 orf with your head

@gingerhills thank you. I totally understand where you're coming from. It's so difficult to try and explain so much in one post.

I just worry it's just going to keep happening over and over again and if he's not happy then what can I do. I'm so sleep deprived and I just need some help and support. If I don't have that, I might as well be doing it on my own.

I feel relieved he's not here any that's worrying.

Maybe time apart and then a grown up conversation at some point. Right now i just don't know.

Before you end everything, have a think about why he's not bonded with your son. I breastfed for that long and I do think it can create a problem with the father bonding if the baby will only settle with its mother.

He’s out of order but you’re both tired. As PP said I really dislike the ‘LTB! , ‘you go girl!’ type comments in situations like this.

Ask a friend or family member to look after the baby for a few hours so you can sit down and have a proper conversation. If you’ve never left the baby, you’ve never had space to talk.

He’s out of order in what he’s said but you sound like a mummy martyr. Neither is good for a relationship.

@HollowTalk naturally it’s the mothers fault that the father hasn’t bonded with his child 🙄🙄🙄
I breastfed for three years what my ex did was absolutely everything else that didn’t involve a tit And thats how he bonded

@HollowTalk

Before you end everything, have a think about why he's not bonded with your son. I breastfed for that long and I do think it can create a problem with the father bonding if the baby will only settle with its mother.

I breastfed too. My Dh did his share of settling baby and other care so he bonded just fine. You have the wrong end of the stick.

[quote justasking111]@gingerhills 😅😅 orf with your head[/quote]
No chance. I'll just glue my head back on. It's staying on these shoulders