To be shocked by the wealth on Instagram

[Daisypowers]

I deleted my social media accounts about 6 years ago, I just got sick of it. As a result, I've lost touch with a lot of uni friends and people I used to work with. I've been happily getting on with my life, progressing steadily but happily with my career etc.

Today I (reluctantly) logged into my old Instagram account to look at my cousin's wedding/honeymoon photos (she got married abroad and I couldnt go). I saw reems of posts from people I used to know (mostly aged around mid 30s) who all appear to be insanely wealthy these days. It looks like a few have married into wealth, but I really can't work out where the rest get their money from?! I know Insta is all about showing off the best bits, but there's just endless feeds of big house purchases, holidays, ski trips, spa breaks, kids taking riding lessons, expensive meals out. I'd literally have nothing of this sort to post on Insta!

Everyone else seems to have bought nice houses in and around London (£500k/600k+) in the past few years which has blown my mind. And renovated them, furnished and decorated them beautifully. While also affording to go on 3-4 holidays a year (despite the pandemic). How?!

How have all these people who all left uni at the same level as me become so stratespherically more financially successful in the same period of time? Many of them have very middle of the road middle management jobs and I can't imagine they earn much more than me and DP to be honest.

I lived in Los Angeles for a while and was agog at the wealth on display across the general population. Not the film star stuff but middle class etc. Turns out that cars are leased, houses were rented, a lot of people work to projects that are very well paid. BUT - few payments being made into pensions, savings, safety nets etc.

When Covid hit the impact was immediate and brutal.

It's called debt/finance

For lots of people it probably is.
Friend with huge house, designer clothes for them & the kids. Abroad a couple of times a year. Extension, new kitchen 5 years after the previous one was fitted, gorgeous home.
I was saying about scrimping to buy a new carpet or something & saying how I didn’t want to put it on the credit card, because I don’t want to be in debt, but DH was annoyed I wouldn’t just buy it.

Turns out she had a huge mortgage, cars were on finance, they had bank loans and owed £££ on credit cards. Yes I envied her nice things but I didn’t envy the sleepless nights she had over their debts!

I think a lot of it is faked, my dsil once stayed in a very upmarket hotel and then added some photos of the stay to Instagram pretending they were taken in her own home!

I don't post on instagram, think my last post was in 2018 but it is entirely possible these people are just actually making good money and good choices. Dp and I are both in our 30s, have a household income of circa 350k a year pre tax, we both work extremely hard but we holiday, renovate houses, drive nice cars, buy what we want and worked throughout covid so we were very fortunate as it meant we could save lots.

It's not all fake/debt/klarna, although my big advice is if instagram doesn't bring you happiness, delete it.

I'd wager a few of them would have gotten some sort of inheritance, a couple maybe good financial decisions, and a lot of them will be in debt buying the lifestyle.

@ThatPosterIsSoRight

Not paying into pension

Mortgage debt currently cheap and over 35 (?) years

Not saving.

Good jobs (many jobs pay more than people realise).

Priorities and showing off the good stuff not the beans on toast.

This all the livelong day!

On of my dearest friends, on the outside looks like she has a charmed life with endless house moves to "forever" homes which her father and husband renovate to spectacular standards. Not many people see the struggles and the difficulties they've had, granted some of their own creation. I'm sure that many people would feel quite jealous about their situation without knowing the full story.

The bits that everyone else doesn't see is that they're both public servants with no pension because they don't want to make the requisite contributions (WTF?), each house move is on a further 30+ year mortgage and a massive loan, and then a remortgage when they need to consolidate the loan into the house. Payday just puts them back into the black, and the rest of the month is spent in the red. Their lovely big family holidays are covered by parents who rent a large property for them all to stay in, and they only have to cover the costs of easyjet flights and budget supermarket trip.

I suppose my own life looks similarly charmed too - private education, happily married in a home that has risen in value by over 30% since we bought it around 7 years ago, two nice german cars on the driveway, foreign holidays seemingly when we want them, expensive country club hobbies etc.

What people forget though is I received a bursary for private education due to a divorce, we both had at least two jobs whilst we both completed our respective professional degrees, we have always had a sideline hustle/business alongside our substantive roles (even now), we prioritise investments and will forgo spending on ourselves to achieve our financial goals, do not go out for meals or for drinks, don't do regular city breaks or trips, always strive for the best possible deals for everything. Neither of us have had handouts from parents or grandparents either despite what other people think of us.

Some are champion scroungers within the family as well.
Imagine borrowing £10k for school fees from your MiL and then spending it on a new kitchen. A friend did this in yr 2000. Big money then. She told me it was almost a boast.

Agree with the pp who said most likely smoke & mirrors. People who are truly wealthy don't normally boast about it on sm.

What I don’t understand about side hustles is how they are managed alongside the main job.

Every post I have had has said no extra work and it has really been frowned upon. I would worry that I would be risking my main job if I took on a side hustle.

Plus, if they are a full on second business isn’t there a question about how much time you can commit to your full time, paid role?

Instagram is the internet home of Things Not Being What They Seem. It's life as people would like others to see it, not life as it really is.

Believing everything you see on Instagram is a bit like believing everything they say on adverts. Same cynicism level required.

who all appear to be insanely wealthy

The key word there is 'appear', for some of the thick people on Instagram image is everything, start with the trout pout and go on from there.

@Helocariad

are they oligarchs ;-) ?

Their daddies probably are, I wonder how they'll manage now if Daddy's billions of dishonest cash is no sequestered?

I wouldn't say people are overtly boasting, it's just general holiday photos every other month, and oh look our kitchen (which cearly cost £20k+ because builders/fitters did the whole thing) is finally finished etc.

@Wandawide

Some are champion scroungers within the family as well. Imagine borrowing £10k for school fees from your MiL and then spending it on a new kitchen. A friend did this in yr 2000. Big money then. She told me it was almost a boast.

No doubt if MIL wants the loan repaying she'll be, the MIL, the spawn of the devil .

They will all be in debt up to their eyeballs but have a desperate need to show off on SM. Ignore them and carry on with your lovely life.

@Bellalastrasse

What I don’t understand about side hustles is how they are managed alongside the main job.

Every post I have had has said no extra work and it has really been frowned upon. I would worry that I would be risking my main job if I took on a side hustle.

Plus, if they are a full on second business isn’t there a question about how much time you can commit to your full time, paid role?

I don't get this either. I work 40-45 hours a week for my professional job and I'm shattered. I dont have the time or mental capacity to do a side hussle (and do it successfully as well). Time to chill is important too.

@Bellalastrasse

What I don’t understand about side hustles is how they are managed alongside the main job.

Every post I have had has said no extra work and it has really been frowned upon. I would worry that I would be risking my main job if I took on a side hustle.

Plus, if they are a full on second business isn’t there a question about how much time you can commit to your full time, paid role?

I'm a side hustler. Full time substantive role is in Public Health, side hustle is a business we've had for 15 years plus, it's broadly web development based - for my husband it's it's basically a hobby that pays, I do the accounts, manage some tricky customers and deal with regular clients that need basic work doing on repeat that once someone with 18 years plus experience has set it up, can be managed by someone who dabbles at best. It's all done in my spare time - some clients are in completely different time zones, and are all aware that they play second fiddle to our day jobs.

At other times I've also done agency work, consulting work, content writing, that sort of thing. I have always had non compete clauses in my contracts, and always ensure that I am upfront that I am a company director and do other work alongside my role. Never been an issue except for when I was moving from one role to another, and the previous employer tried to argue that the new employer was broadly related to their area and that it could be a breach (think, I was working for Ford, and going for a job at Boeing... yes they both made things with wheels, but hardly anywhere similar aside from that!) - completely not side hustle related at all. I'm very sensible about the work I take on, and don't ever mix employment with business - you wouldn't catch me pitching the services of my business to a client of my employer for instance, I'd have to be insane to do that!

@orangesox

Are you civil service?

I understand how you have explained it and fair play to you for achieving it but I am just surprised that your company allows it (regardless of a non compete issue). I just thought it was a non starter. And I mean full on businesses like yours, not someone selling old clothes on eBay as a sideline.

Can employers find out through tax codes, etc? I ‘m about to accept a one year full time contract that specifies no other job yet if I was offered a short term (6 weeks) post working online for a school I’d like to accept it to keep my hand in.

[quote Bellalastrasse]@orangesox

Are you civil service?

I understand how you have explained it and fair play to you for achieving it but I am just surprised that your company allows it (regardless of a non compete issue). I just thought it was a non starter. And I mean full on businesses like yours, not someone selling old clothes on eBay as a sideline.[/quote]
Christ no, I'd rather chop off a limb than work for the Civil Service . I work for private equity backed manufacturer - they largely don't give two hoots what I do unless I was to provide services for a direct competitor. They make good use of my skills which are a little left-field for my substantive role, and it's widely known throughout the Board that I undertake additional work; it's no different to them than when I supported Test & Trace during the early stages of the pandemic, and when I told them that I was entering the application round to become a family court magistrate (pending). There are clear boundaries, I am 100% dedicated to my work during work hours (not working at right this moment as off due to bereavement), and I am well known to drop everything to tend to their needs - think joining a board meeting via Skype from a port in South America due to a crisis whilst on annual leave. They in return do me the courtesy of trusting me implicitly and allowing me to get on with my life in whatever way I see fit.

DH and I have always found employers amenable to altering the wording of contracts to suit our needs - mine simply states non-compete, his has nothing in about other work at all (more fool them). I think it's helpful that most Public Health Professionals like me, and Web Developers like my DH seems to have all sorts of consultancy gigs and fingers in pies etc.

Thanks @Orangesox that’s really helpful. I’m trying to work out whether to go freelance or not (also web related work)

@Daisypowers

I wouldn't say people are overtly boasting, it's just general holiday photos every other month, and oh look our kitchen (which cearly cost £20k+ because builders/fitters did the whole thing) is finally finished etc.

A good annual bonus in the asset management/IB world can be £30-50k

That will buy you a couple.of luxury holidays per year easily.

And thats only one person. If they both have good jobs, then its even easier.

@Daisypowers

Me and my partner's families are comfortable financially, not poor but not well off either. But neither families have a spare £10k or £30k lying around to give to us to buy a home. Although most of the people I'm talking about would almost certainly of needed deposits of £100k+. But seems this is maybe normal now?

I’m with you. I sacked off social media about 10 years ago for this reason. It became a sort of form of self harm / torture. I don’t know how to correct my path and i don’t get why some of them have “made it” and I haven’t.

@Bellalastrasse

What I don’t understand about side hustles is how they are managed alongside the main job.

Every post I have had has said no extra work and it has really been frowned upon. I would worry that I would be risking my main job if I took on a side hustle.

Plus, if they are a full on second business isn’t there a question about how much time you can commit to your full time, paid role?

How do you come up with an idea and implement it. I’ve always been a good “idea developer”, great at working out strategies and procedures. But coming up with the idea. Naaaa that’s not me.

Most social media photos are well placed fakery. I know one or two so called “ influencers”, who pose in front of various locations,things etc. All completely fake. I saw a christmas post of one of them supposedly in front of their Christmas tree. I know full well that photo was taken from the local garden centre, but to look at it you would think it is theirs. All is not what it seems, just sayiing!