Mother in law problems

[Idiotintraining]

Name changed

We live in same house?

On Tuesday we had an argument. She said they didn't ask me. I told her we did and I said who is lying now. She went mad and refused to do things that she was going to do. I tried to apologise and I was told I am only apologising now as I want something. Since then she has ignored me and my husband. Even though we have tried to her, saying hello and and she list ignores us.

For context she has said to me before this isn't he reason that we don't like you as all you do is lie. She has done this on numerous occasions.

So when she does it to me am I supposed to just roll over and accept it but when it's done to her she goes like this.

I'm confused

Who is being unreasonable here

Need help. I can't live in the house and I am trying to stay out of the house as much as possible so I am away from it.

Not enough information

Whose house is it? Can someone move out - either you and DH or her?

I will my dad has terminal cancer and it's proving stressful. She has been very angry for a while as she had a medical problem over Christmas. Since then it's been over stressful and with dad as well I just snapped

Why are you living together?

@WeeOrcadian we share the house as it's rented. Husband dosn't want to move. Even though I am keen to

Why do you live with your MiL? Whose house is it? Either your and DH or she needs to move out!!

I am not even sure what this means -
She said they didn't ask me. I told her we did and I said who is lying now - but why would you accuse your MiL (who is housing you!) of lying like that? Didn't ask her what?

She probably sick to death of you living in her home. You need to leave.

I think for the sake of your mental health and the childrens mental health some distance of separationn might be best, When someone is ill like your dad,and i am really sorry to hear he is,I think its an unnatural enviroment anyway, You have people in and out i guess and the reasonable stress and heart ache that goes with itit makes it so hard to switch off and relax and have little if any normality at this time. Day to day existing makes family life so difficult. It might be better for you all to have some space, Your mum as well as you will be dealing with so much fear and anxiety right now its going to take its toll on you all, I am sorry OP I hope your dad is as comfortable as he can be,

Right we all agreed to the house and we have all lived together since I met my husband over 15 years ago.

I asked her to babysit weeks ago some and husband could go out.

She was downstairs and I was upstairs she said oh they didn't ask me (to babysit) I said I did nearly two weeks ago. Then I said who is a liar now.

After reading your update I would think she maybe just forgot,She is dealing with a lot right now and coping with a terminal diagnosis is way too much let alone babysitting along side that, Your not wrong she is not wrong its jus tthe mentsl overload at play I think. x

I'd move out on my own. Sounds dire!

I think you are unreasonable. You asked her to babysit. She has clearly forgotten. That doesn't make her a liar.

She has a lot going on right now. Have some consideration.

You need to apologise for calling her a liar it was clearly just a misunderstanding . You sound very young and immature. (And I wouldn't babysit for you after that either!)

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

After reading your update I would think she maybe just forgot,She is dealing with a lot right now and coping with a terminal diagnosis is way too much let alone babysitting along side that, Your not wrong she is not wrong its jus tthe mentsl overload at play I think. x

You have read it wrong. She dosen't have a terminal diagnosis. My dad does.

@maddy68

I think you are unreasonable. You asked her to babysit. She has clearly forgotten. That doesn't make her a liar.

She has a lot going on right now. Have some consideration.

You need to apologise for calling her a liar it was clearly just a misunderstanding . You sound very young and immature. (And I wouldn't babysit for you after that either!)

I she was a liar as I thought she had forgotten that she had been asked

Seems like a communication issue...

Move out

As someone with their own MIL problems I think YABU
She doesn’t sound very nice, but mine is horrible and I’d still never speak to her like that. It’s not going to earn you any respect or achieve anything so I don’t see the point in being rude for no reason.
She sounds equally rude to you.
Just because this arrangement has worked for 15 years doesn’t mean it is now.
If she’s saying everyone doesn’t like you, you each think each other is a liar, I don’t know why you’d want to continue that.
You need to speak to your DH about why he doesn’t want to move out and why he wants you to be treated this way.

Then I said who is a liar now

That is ridiculously confrontational!

How did you come to be living with them? Was your boyfriend living at home still and you just moved in?

I think it’s time you moved out!!

Older people forget things sometimes. Im only 58, don’t have medical condition but I increasingly forget stuff.

Doesn’t make me a liar. Please apologise to her.

Sorry lovely what I meant was she was dealing with your dads diagnosis. It must be tough on her.Tough on all of you. There is one way to sort this fast even if you feel you shouldnt have to,but it might help you short term, Make her a cuppa,sit down round the table and say sorry, You dont even have to mean it but she will appreciate it and it might smooth things over while you all deal with your dad, I am sure you can be the bigger person here, x

"who is a liar now" is a very hostile and confrontational thing to say. Do you usually speak to her like that? Is there a backstory where one of you has accused the other of lying?

I think there is a lot missing from this story, but what is coming through is a lot of dislike and mistrust. I don't think living together is tenable, so I would prioritise moving out into your own space.

2 weeks in advance is fine to ask but you would need to follow it up with a gentle reminder a few days before. A polite "just checking if you are still ok to babysit on monday?"
Noone needs to be called a liar. It sounds like there is a lot of stress, understandably and/or a huge back story

Tried it. Husband has cooked her food for last three days and tried to have a conversation. Food is never eaten and she still ignores

You can't call her a liar because she forgot something you asked 2 weeks ago. Sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other to be honest.

Probably best you and your husband start adulting now and get your own place. This all sounds very childish

@Howshouldibehave

Then I said who is a liar now

That is ridiculously confrontational!

How did you come to be living with them? Was your boyfriend living at home still and you just moved in?

I think it’s time you moved out!!

He was living there.

Since her medical problem she jas developed behavioural issues. The slightest things anger and annoy her. It can be the sillist thing

That’s a really horrible thing to say to her. What did you have to add she was a liar. You sound very confrontational and aggressive.