There’s a really big back story here that I won’t get into, because I just want some support with this isolated situation.
DH and I had a disagreement last night. It sounds ridiculous and really it is. So he was at the sink washing dishes and I needed a utensil that he had. He said he’d wash it and give it to me as soon as he’d rinsed it off. A minute later, he went to the bathroom and I popped my head out the kitchen and asked if it had been rinsed off yet (was sitting next to the sink). He said “I’m just blowing my nose, wait and I’ll sort it in a minute.” Thinking I might as well just go and sort it myself, I said “awww it’s okay, you’ll still need to wash your hands”. Then went to the kitchen. DH was really cross with this instantly. I shouldn’t be telling him when he needs to wash his hands. I explained that’s not what I meant, I just meant that he’ll be a minute so I’ll just go and clean it myself. Apparently the way I treat him is not okay. Im slightly OCD and hand washing is a big one for me. So I have from time to time checked he’s washed his hands if he’s making me food. I know that’s wrong of me and I’m improving and still working on that. He was getting more and more upset so I kept explaining that I didn’t mean it in the way he thought i did. This didnt appease him so i said let’s just drop it. He said “no I won’t just drop it thanks!” And continued going on as I took DD(8) upstairs.
Then DH came up and I found DD upset in her bedroom telling me she doesn’t like us arguing. I consoled her and then asked DH to come up and talk to her. He said he was too upset to. I explained that his 8 year old daughter’s feelings were priority.
I chatted to DD in front of DH and then left them to chat. DD came out the room saying daddy said he was too upset to talk to her about it. He then came and found her 15mins later and had a chat to her.
I’ve just found out that during that chat, she said “daddy, you look like you’re about to cry.” He said “I’m just so upset with your mum right now.”
I’m really upset by this. In my opinion, this is totally the wrong thing to say to her. She’s only 8 fgs and was upset herself already. It’s not fair to put that on her.
I’ve told DH how I feel about what he said and he thinks this shows that I don’t care about his feelings!
I’m literally so confused here. I don’t know what I’ve done that is so bad that I deserve this backlash. What was so bad that he felt he was so upset with me and needed to share that with our daughter. He says that arguments happen occasionally and that DD needs to understand that. I told him I’m not okay with that. We should be able to have disagreements without arguing in front of the kids. im just so confused! maybe im the problem here. help!