To feel hurt by my father's reaction to his birthday present?

[daughter58]

When I was in my early 20s my sister and I went halves on an expensive birthday present for my Dad, it wasn't ridiculously expensive, maybe £200-300ish. But it was a lot for us given we were both university students at the time.

My Dad never used the item and has recently bought himself the same thing but a 'better' version.

I brought up that we had bought him one of those already that he never used and he 'joked' that the one we bought was a crap version.

AIBU to never buy him anything ever again?

It was rude and thoughtless of him. How long ago are we talking about? I'd say the longer ago this was, the less it should matter - you don't say what the item is, but people's needs and preferences can change over time. If it was 30 years ago, it's different from if it was 5 years ago.

I don't think it's worth a falling out or grand gesture, but I'd only be buying him inexpensive gifts in future.

It was 3-5 years ago

That's hurtful. I'd be inclined not to bother again

It was rude, thoughtless and wasteful. It would be the last present I'd have bought him - dad or no dad!

I'd be getting him a token box of chocs. That's fucking rude when 2 students tried hard and spent a lot.

Or socks

Very rude then. What did you say to him when he made the 'crap' comment?

How rude and nasty. I'd be buying him a fucking 50p biro for his next birthday.

My dad did this to me when I bought him an expensive chocolate slab one year for Christmas. He didn't tell me it was so bad but my sister instead, who then opened her big mouth to me.

What was the gift you bought him?...it sounds ungrateful of him, has he behaved like this with other gifts he has received from you or other family members or just this one gift?

Wouldn't get anything from me again. Deeply unpleasant

I know how you feel. We bought my Dad one of those photo albums that change all the time. We put photos of our family on, and told him my siblings would add theirs onto it, so they had all of us on it.

He never used it. His reason? There were none of him and my Mum on it...

I never bothered spending any time or effort after that.

Your father is rude and clearly has no manners, his comments were really unnecessarily hurtful. My dad was almost as bad, we used to buy him presents for Christmas, birthdays etc just typical teenage gifts of shirts, socks etc. We never ever saw him wear any of the items we bought. We eventually found them piled in the bottom of his wardrobe, he hadn’t even unwrapped them. We were furious until we realised we now had a never ending pile of stuff to regift to him. We did it until the last of us left home, when we all went NC (not because of the gifts, but because he was a selfish, rotten asshole)

He doesn't sound a very nice person, perfectly fine to not buy him another present imo

Very ungrateful! Tell him you’ll use the original then sell it and treat you and your sister to something lovely, even if you only get a bit back.

I think it sounds really petty to say only buy him socks or a biro from now on, but it really is sensible to learn a lesson from this.

Gifts mean different things to different people. Recognising this and learning how gifts work for different people will save you money and angst.

For instance my pils are very much about the honour that a gift shows. They will tut about us spending too much on them but actually it’s very important that we do!

My df on the other hand would be twice as happy to learn that we got a great deal on his gift.

I value useful gifts, my dm likes frivolous things and would be deeply offended by some of the things I love.

My df is quite likely to offer a gift back to me because it would be in his way! I keep the receipt and consider my social obligation complete. No point wasting emotional energy being offended. It’s quite satisfying to get him something that he does like and there’s a bit of friendly sibling point scoring around that. But without that competitive element I wouldn’t be bothering too hard. I show my love in other ways.

It was a tech kind of present. I feel so upset when I think about my younger sister who did loads of research into it and was so excited to give it to him :(

He has an awful attitude to presents. I remember one year I got him something and as he was unwrapping it he said "this better not be a [what the present was]".

Just because sperm met egg, it doesn't magically turn a jerk into a nice person. Sorry your dad is a jerk. Mine is too.

That’s incredibly rude of him. Very hurtful.

God he’s a horrible person.

I wouldn’t bother again. Poor you and your sister!

Incredibly rude and insensitive. No need to buy him any further gifts. A card with “ a donation has been made in your name to xxx” will suffice.

Yes and make the donation to a charity you know he would hate as well

@daughter58

It was a tech kind of present. I feel so upset when I think about my younger sister who did loads of research into it and was so excited to give it to him :(

He has an awful attitude to presents. I remember one year I got him something and as he was unwrapping it he said "this better not be a [what the present was]".

At best this is tone deaf ‘humour’, at worst it’s deliberately nasty and hurtful.

Does he have form for being a cunt in other areas of your family life, or is it just well-intentioned and thoughtful generosity he has a problem with?

My xh was like this. Would make suggestions for gifts or hint at stuff he liked but then would be hugely ungrateful or moan it wasnt the "right" one. Examples were a framed print, a foot spa, a metal detector and loads more. He was the same when his parents gave him presents. Twat.

We don't encourage our son and daughter to buy us expensive presents (and they are both in well paid jobs). They usually buy a joint present around £20. Your dad doesn't deserve any more presents from you, he's ungrateful and insensitive.