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Original poster

Boyfriend problem

75 replies

LillyPJ · 09/03/2022 23:25

My long distance partner is considering moving back to his home town over 3 hours away, which would make our relationship unviable. (I currently see him about once every 3 weeks for several days at a time.) He suddenly told me that in order to decide whether he'd be ok moving to a new area where he'd know nobody, he wanted to have no contact with his current friends (including me) for a week or two. We are now 3 days in, and I'm feeling annoyed! He didn't ask or discuss this with me beforehand. We used to chat on the phone at least once every day and the sudden silence is deafening. Worse - I feel frustrated that I can't tell him how I feel about it! I'm sure he thinks this is a rational way to help him decide. Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt, annoyed and angry?

OP posts:
TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 10/03/2022 06:51

My text at the end of the two weeks would be along the lines of “This two weeks has actually given me the opportunity to think to and I’ve realised I’m better off without you.”

NameGoesHere · 10/03/2022 07:30

Just ditch him. WTF would you accept being treated like this?!

keepingtheupperhand · 10/03/2022 07:33

What a load of shite.
It seems he was neither a boyfriend nor a long distance partner.

Move on, and find someone who is actually worthwhile.

Meanwhile, please read this! ↓
www.csce001.com/edit_zoop/uploadfile/system/20150408/20150408135124130.pdf

I loathe to ask, but what was your relationship like before this?

keepingtheupperhand · 10/03/2022 07:34

@TheGirlInTheGreenDress

My text at the end of the two weeks would be along the lines of “This two weeks has actually given me the opportunity to think to and I’ve realised I’m better off without you.”
THIS!! ↑↑↑

Please do that!

TheHoleNineYards · 10/03/2022 07:41

It doesn’t really matter whether he’s telling the truth or not; either way, he’s treating you terribly.

Option A - it’s the truth, but he’s behaving horribly selfishly. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who disregarded my feelings like that.

Option B - he’s lying. I wouldn’t want to be with a liar.

TragicMuse · 10/03/2022 08:46

How is he a long-distance partner now if moving 3 hours away is going to be unviable?

But I agree with PPs, he's making unilateral decisions about your relationship - he's your boyfriend not your boss, decisions should be joint.

And it sounds like he's already decided for both of you.

AndAsIfByMagic · 10/03/2022 08:47

He's trying another woman on for size and she knows nothing about you. He wants to keep you dangling in case it doesn't work out.

Dump him.

HollowTalk · 10/03/2022 08:49

@TheGirlInTheGreenDress

My text at the end of the two weeks would be along the lines of “This two weeks has actually given me the opportunity to think to and I’ve realised I’m better off without you.”
Great message but I wouldn't wait two weeks to send it.
knittingaddict · 10/03/2022 08:49

@HeddaGarbled

I don’t believe him.
I don't either. I would be amazed if this experiment is real and that he's gone no contact with friends as well as the op. I suspect that he is still talking to friends.
knittingaddict · 10/03/2022 08:52

@TragicMuse

How is he a long-distance partner now if moving 3 hours away is going to be unviable?

But I agree with PPs, he's making unilateral decisions about your relationship - he's your boyfriend not your boss, decisions should be joint.

And it sounds like he's already decided for both of you.

Yes, how far away are you now?

A family member lives at least 2 hours away from her boyfriend and it's working well. 3 hours isn't that far, so how far is it now?

ManateeFair · 10/03/2022 09:05

So, basically:

  1. You only see him once every three weeks
  2. He is considering moving somewhere that would end your relationship, and doesn’t seem concerned that this will be a consequence of the move
  3. He has told you not to speak to him for two weeks to assist him in deciding whether to make this relationship-ending move

I’m stunned that upon being told ‘Don’t talk to me for two weeks so I can decide whether to end my relationship with you’, you went along with that.

He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even care about you. He has never seen this as a proper relationship. He has now dumped you. Block him from your life.

Original poster
LillyPJ · 10/03/2022 09:06

I like your option 2. I had been thinking along those lines. Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
LillyPJ · 10/03/2022 09:14

@TheGirlInTheGreenDress

My text at the end of the two weeks would be along the lines of “This two weeks has actually given me the opportunity to think to and I’ve realised I’m better off without you.”
Great advice! I think you're right. No matter how much I liked him before, I don't like him now.
OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 10/03/2022 09:26

I wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of a response or anymore contact op.

ButtockUp · 10/03/2022 09:31

I'm inclined to think that you won't hear back from him anyway.

Move on OP.

Barneysma2 · 10/03/2022 09:33

Sorry to say it sounds like he has ended the relationship but not had the balls to tell you

Original poster
LillyPJ · 10/03/2022 09:34

@TheHoleNineYards

It doesn’t really matter whether he’s telling the truth or not; either way, he’s treating you terribly.

Option A - it’s the truth, but he’s behaving horribly selfishly. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who disregarded my feelings like that.

Option B - he’s lying. I wouldn’t want to be with a liar.

He is painfully honest and I really don't think he's lying. Yes - I do think it's Option A and you're right. Thanks.
OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 10/03/2022 09:40

Even if you ignore the ‘Don’t contact me for two weeks’ thing, what would most of us tell an OP who posted ‘I’m in a long-distance relationship and my partner is planning to move - but further away from me’?

Because I know what I’d tell her. I’d say ‘If he’s moving anyway, why is he moving further away instead of closer? He doesn’t see a future for you’.

That’s still my advice, by the way. The ‘two weeks of no contact’ is just the mouldy cherry on a stale cake.

TabithaTittlemouse · 10/03/2022 10:03

If it’s true he’s bonkers and I would move on.

3 hours isn’t that bad if you were only seeing each other every 3 weeks anyway! Lots of people have that as a commute for work on a weekly basis.

longtompot · 10/03/2022 10:03

No matter how much I liked him before, I don't like him now I would message him back and say not to worry about the two weeks silence, you don't want to hear from him again and move on. You are worth more than this.

RandomBasic · 10/03/2022 10:06

Block his number

Lovemattersmost · 10/03/2022 10:06

Dump.

Hoppinggreen · 10/03/2022 10:10

Have a listen to The Beautiful South song “a little time”

Original poster
LillyPJ · 10/03/2022 10:50

@Hoppinggreen

Have a listen to The Beautiful South song “a little time”
I will - thanks!
OP posts:
Cas112 · 10/03/2022 10:58

I think he's ended it OP

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