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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your experience of two under two?

43 replies

LittleMisfortune · 09/03/2022 18:32

Hi all,

I'm gonna have a newborn when Ds is 22 months old. In all fairness he is a very good toddler, sleeps all night no complaints haha.

But I know adding a baby to it is gonna be challenging so I would like to know the good, the bad and the ugly.

I would also appreciate some tips that make your life easier - I'm very lucky as I have the support of my in laws and my family but would like to know some survival tips and how you dealt with it.

Also I feel like I'm not going to love this second baby as much as my son and then at the same time I feel like I'm betraying my son and I'm worried he won't get enough attention and I'm very scared.

Thank you for all your help in advance x

OP posts:
1stTimeMama · 09/03/2022 18:51

Two of my sons are 15 months apart, and I had a 4yr old too. I didn't find it difficult to be honest, my thought was if I was changing one nappy, I might as well change two! Then I had 3 under 3, and it was a bit trickier, but still OK.
I think it's very usual to feel that way about second born children, you just can't imagine loving another human the way you do your first baby, but you absolutely do. You don't split the love you have, you develop more love to give equally.
A sling is a great idea for babies and toddlers, you can till play, while baby sleeps. I tried to get time one on one with each of them, which was hard sometimes as my husband worked away a lot, and we were hours from family, but it all worked out.

AHungryCaterpillar · 09/03/2022 18:54

People often say 1-2 is easier than 0-1 so it might be easier than you think

Babdoc · 09/03/2022 18:59

16 months between my two and I was widowed before baby’s first birthday. Nearest relatives 250 miles away. It is difficult, but not impossible, OP.
I would recommend a playpen so you can safely isolate the toddler from the baby when you need to go to the loo or answer the door.

Have some nice books or nursery rhymes handy for when you are feeding baby - let toddler sit beside you for story time or singing together, so he doesn’t feel excluded.
I can tell you now they will never synchronise filling their nappies, and some days you will feel you are never off your knees on the changing mat, but it will pass.
Very soon they will be able to play together and amuse each other, which gives you a lot of free time back after the first year or two of hard slog.
My two are adults now, we all got through it, and I love them both to bits.

User280905 · 09/03/2022 19:05

I brought newborn ds2 home from hospital and honestly got a proper shock when I realised how enormous ds1 (16months) was in comparison. When I'd left him he was my baby, when I got back 8 hours later he was giant! You'll love them both, your heart just gets bigger.

And since you're already sort of in baby mode you just keep going. I found it harder going back to babies and nappies when I had ds3 4 years later.

My top tip is to give yourself loads of time to get anywhere. However long you think it will take you to get organised and out the house with one kid you should at least double that time for 2. It takes 5 minutes to get one kid out of the car and into rhe pushchair, it takes 15 minutes with two.

And buy the best double pushchair you can afford. Don't mess around with slings and persuading a tired toddler to stand on a buggy board. Life is hard enough.

PhileasPhilby · 09/03/2022 19:09

Honestly the first year was the hardest of my life. 20 month age gap. Toddler was very full on (complete non-napper) and baby had some health issues which added quite a lot of stress. However, 100% if I was doing it all again I’d still have exactly the same age gap. They’re upper primary age now and absolute best of friends, do loads together and activities etc are all really easy because they are at the same age & developmental stage. So my tip would be hang in there, it all pays off!

dollymuchymuchness · 09/03/2022 19:11

I have 21 months between my older two. It was hard work, two in nappies, two awake at night sometimes but it got easier and as they grew they became best of friends and played really nicely together.

bilbodog · 09/03/2022 19:13

My sister gave me very good advice 30 years ago - never come downstairs undressed! I still dont 🤣🤣

User280905 · 09/03/2022 19:21

Honestly the first year was the hardest of my life

I dont remember it being that bad at all. I must have blocked it out of my memory 🤣 A bit like last year school lockdown.

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 09/03/2022 19:23

21 months between my 2. The hormones kick in, you will love the new born as much! A mistake I made, don't expect the second child to be the same as the first, they are all different with their own personalities.
The second was a terrible sleeper, get as much help as possible, even if someone takes them for a walk to give you a break. Good luck, my 2 get on well as they are close in age.

DementedPanda · 09/03/2022 19:26

I have two 16 months apart. The youngest learnt off the oldest and he's definatly been my easiest child in terms of copying his brother in toilet training etc. Easy to entertain them as liked the same things. 2nd was a poor sleeper due to reflux so that was difficult, but once we got past that they were a delight.

They are now 11 and 10, bicker most of the time but often play out together and share mutual friends . I'd say the hardest part to deal with is the sibling bickering and fighting .

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/03/2022 19:29

There is 18 months between my two. Best thing I bought was a sling. I was able to breastfeed in it so it enabled me to feel more "hands free" to run after my toddler, who was quite a live wire! I loved those days though, I'd go back and do it again in a heartbeat.

Mackmama · 09/03/2022 19:29

21 months between my two. I’d second everything that everyone else has said. Plus, bath time was taking me ages until one day I had the epiphany you can just put them in together!

BletheringSkate · 09/03/2022 20:14

I'm placemarking OP as I'm having my second on Friday (the same day my first turns 21 months) x

Original poster
LittleMisfortune · 09/03/2022 20:19

@BletheringSkate

I'm placemarking OP as I'm having my second on Friday (the same day my first turns 21 months) x
Please come back and share when you feel ready to Smile

Congratulations 🥳 Smile

OP posts:
Whitewolf2 · 09/03/2022 20:21

20 months between mine. We had some nice books about being a big sister, and the baby brought home a present for her big sister - a doll (to help soften the blow!) and it was very helpful to have places to put the baby when the bigger one wanted a cuddle - we had a nice bouncy rocker chair. We tried to keep the schedule for the older one similar to before, still went to nursery a few mornings a week etc. a double buggy was very useful for the first couple of years (got one off Facebook market place).

Floppy234 · 09/03/2022 20:26

I have 18 months between mine ( now nearly 4 and 2.5) for me it was so easy when youngest was born, Nows the hardest age when they arguing and can both answer back lol

Lovelteers · 09/03/2022 20:34

It was fine! The older one got a ‘big kid’ bed to free up the cot for the littlest, they shared a room and were/are best friends. The amount of stuff you carry around doesn’t really increase, and I felt like we go through the baby years quicker! Also made the eldest a bit more j dependent.
We tried a double buggy but soon ditch it ( too heavy, too unwieldy) for a single buggy and a scooter.
Other than that it was all good.

HELLITHURT · 09/03/2022 20:36

20 months apart.... loved it!

I did have good sleepers, could also synchronise their naps!

OllyBJolly · 09/03/2022 20:36

DSis has 11 months between her two. I think the baby years were challenging but from about 4 onwards they were constant playmates for each other and grew up to be really close. That’s still the case now they’re adults.

CaMePlaitPas · 09/03/2022 20:38

Mine are 11 months apart. I know, I'm quite clearly insane. I loved it, but it is hard work, the days go by in a blur. I can't remember anything about it which is a shame but they are best friends now and absolutely thriving so that's all the matters! It'll be tough, no doubt about it, but it doesn't last forever x

FlorhamPark · 09/03/2022 20:39

Twenty months between mine, my eldest never really napped once the youngest was born.

They are adults now and go to see music together and sometimes on nights out too. I found it got easier as they got older as they were in a similar age band for attractions/ability to walk distances/films etc.

Itmustbeaproblemwithyourdoodad · 09/03/2022 20:40

22 months between my two - it was hard work but so so worth it and they are best friends now (age 5 and 7).

Ok my advice:

Have low expectations for the first few months. The aim is to get through the day, keep them fed, reasonably clean and alive. Anything more is bonus :)

The advice to get yourself dressed before going downstairs is v good. Also I would prepare their outfits and the pram bag the night before and keep their toothbrushes downstairs. If we had to go back upstairs after breakfast it would somehow add an hour + to the time it took to leave the house.

Baby groups in church halls were my lifeline. Always a keen volunteer to hold the baby, I could focus on the toddler. Or settle down to feed the baby knowing the toddler was entertained and safe.

If they both needed me at the same time, I would always go to the toddler first. Because I didn’t want her to resent her baby sister whereas the baby was too little to know any different. Baby was left to cry a lot but it doesn’t seem to have scarred her (too much!). It is overwhelming when they both cry at the same time - especially at first! You kind of just have to roll with the chaos. And accept any help offered to you!

Strap the toddler into the buggy before putting the baby in the sling (if you are using a sling) - just easier that way round! They used to both scream a lot at this point but as soon as we stepped out of the door they’d stop - every time.

Congratulations OP! It’s hard but so so so worth it.

Pottedfern · 09/03/2022 20:41

Mine are 22 months apart and to be honest it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My youngest is extremely high needs and needs me 24/7, the eldest (currently 2.5) still wont sleep through the night.

My husband works long shifts so I spend the whole day alone trying to feed/entertain/clean on repeat. Some days are a complete disaster (especially around dinner time and bedtime) but when things are going well it’s amazing and I feel like superwoman.

Ask for help, lower your standards, make use of all your resources and get a sling. Good luck!

BletheringSkate · 09/03/2022 20:43

Thanks OP 😊 I will do!

When is your second one due? X

TooMuchBlippi · 09/03/2022 20:44

23 month gap with mine and I personally thought being pregnant with a toddler and working full time was harder. Now that was brutal!
My oldest is now coming up to 2.5 and things are getting so much easier now he's pretty much toilet trained and his communication is great. My son does still go to nursery a few days per week so I do get a break. I guess it depends how much support you will have with your older child. My youngest is basically attached to me as she won't take a bottle.
The time has completely flown since DC2 arrived as we're so busy, but I'm really enjoying it.