To ask your experience of two under two?

[LittleMisfortune]

Hi all,

I'm gonna have a newborn when Ds is 22 months old. In all fairness he is a very good toddler, sleeps all night no complaints haha.

But I know adding a baby to it is gonna be challenging so I would like to know the good, the bad and the ugly.

I would also appreciate some tips that make your life easier - I'm very lucky as I have the support of my in laws and my family but would like to know some survival tips and how you dealt with it.

Also I feel like I'm not going to love this second baby as much as my son and then at the same time I feel like I'm betraying my son and I'm worried he won't get enough attention and I'm very scared.

Thank you for all your help in advance x

12 months and 5 days between mine. It was awful. They were both babies (ie not a new born and 2 year old toddler!) and it was just relentless and exhausting! The elder one never liked her brother much, at the time we thought they’d be excellent friends. Now they are 10 and 11 and generally tolerate each other and occasionally play together but mostly annoy each other 🤣 the positives are that as they were growing up, all activities we did were always suitable for both. That the baby phase was out of the way all at once. That’s it for me I’m afraid!

@BletheringSkate

Thanks OP 😊 I will do!

When is your second one due? X

I've only just found out, was a bit of a surprise haha I'm not due until November but I'm freaking out a bit which is why I posted this haha

20mth gap here, 2 lovely girls

Had double buggy but sling and single buggy easier at first. Then double buggy invaluable
Cooking is almost impossible so fill your freezer! Breastfeeding and bed sharing worked for us so I could actually get some rest. Dad did toddler bedtime.

Getting out in the morning to tire out toddler meant the rest of the day was much calmer for us. Otherwise too much excess energy spent being curious about the baby and upsetting her. If you have to bath baby with toddler, let her wash her feet so stays away from head face bum:)

5 and 3 now and has been great, especially last year

It's so lovely having a second baby as you feel like you've learnt a little along the way. Good luck!

Love the don’t forget downstairs undressed as I have been trapped in pjs more than once for longer than I liked! I have a 2 yr old and 8 month old. It’s crazy but lovely all at once. I remember reading that you should always remind yourself things you do are important even if you don’t get bigger jobs done, basically lower your expectations. The bad bit for me is getting ready to go out with the pair of them. It just takes ages! Our baby bouncer saved us as it was a reasonably safe place for the baby to chill so they didn’t get squashed by the toddler if I was washing up ect, I could just bring them both with me. I am also very glad of my double pram as sometimes on walks they both go asleep!

Sorry don’t go downstairs not forget!

Also, more tiring being pregnant with toddler than newborn and toddler so get play dates if you can

DC2 & DC3 are 11 months apart, plus I had a 5 year old. I felt the proudest mum ever taking them out and about, as they were just so cute! It was really hard work and I can't remember much about DC3's first year as was just so tired. I prioritised them over cleaning etc and tried to get them to have a nap after lunch each day before picking DC1 up from school.

I may have been lucky, but two very close in age has been joyous. They are very different in personality and interests but have a very close bond. They're late teens now but the bond is still there despite their lives diverging in other ways.

Good.luck with you r little ones. The first year or so will be tiring, but watching them play together will be an absolute joy.

@LittleMisfortune Congratulations 🤩 wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy x

18 months between my second and third, then 21 between my third and fourth, so it was quite busy!

I had the carrycot in the travel cot, so I could keep the baby from being cuddled to death and I could run out for a wee! When it was feeding time I always got a few books out to read to the toddler, along with little toys I could keep them busy with.

I agree with a very good double buggy, baby will sleep, and you can chat to the toddler when you're out for a walk.

I always used to make sure that I spent the time the baby was asleep in the afternoon with the older child, once they dropped their sleep, just me and them so they had a fair slot of my time.

I used to love it when they slept at the same time, the amount of housework I could get through in that hour/hour and a half!

My four kids are really close in age and each was born within two years of the last one. I had four under 6 for a while.
I loved it. It was tiring but I loved the fact that they played together so much. I think it's much easier having kids close together. It's easier for activities, schools and friends. We ended up with all four of them at university at the same time which was hectic but fun.
They are in their twenties now and are still close.

I only breastfed for a year (was the advice at the time) and I potty trained them early. It also helped that I was a SAHM. I think it would have been difficult to have four little ones so close together if you were working full time.

I found it very hard with my boys 18 month age gap but my youngest did have a dairy intolerance so was a bit of a nightmare and he would scream the place down for hours on end so maybe would have been a lot easier if that wasn’t the case. They are 4 and 2 now and it’s so much better than the early days. I would say if you can afford it get both double pram and single and sling/carrier I loved at the start have ds2 in the sling when dad was off work and out and about with us but when he went back to work and I was faced with going out with both of them on my own I just felt much better having them both strapped in the double pram. Yes I totally get the am I going to love the 2nd as much as the 1st thought but honestly no need to worry about that at all. I made sure I bathed 1st every night to spend some time with him then bad done the bed time routine with him and I went back downstairs with baby. You will find what work for you in no time and after the first couple of weeks it will feel like the baby has always been with use. Enjoy it all the ups and downs and if you manage to enjoy 1 hot drink per day well you are winning

Mine are 18 months apart. The first thing i noticed is that if i changed DC1s nappy, and then DC2s nappy, i overestimated how much DC2 weighed and it was a strange feeling. I'd also forgotten, very quickly, how tiny new babies are. And how lovely it is to snuggle with a tiny little thing.

It meant that a lot of the things we had for DC1 could be used again with DC2 and often used them at the same time. Mine are same sex too, which made everything convenient.

With DC1 whenever we went out i had a giant changing bag with every possible thing we might have needed at any time. With DC2? a handbag with a box of snacks and 2 nappies

I worked very hard to make sure DC1 didn't feel displaced, and felt a bit guilty that DC2 didn't get all the lovely PFB things i did with DC1. But then DC2 got to do things earlier than DC1 had because i wasn't as nervous. They were only one year apart at school, and had quite a large overlapping friendship group which meant that a lot of the same kids came to birthday parties etc, and playdates often doubled up.

I was also lucky that DC1 was a fantastic sleeper, always has been, and was well into sleeping through when DC2 came along. DC2 not being a sleeper (still isn't and is mid 20s now) came as a massive shock, and wheras with DC1 i could nap in the day if there had been a bad night, with DC2 it was more difficult because their naptimes weren't the same (and DC2 wasn't into napping). That came as a bit of a shock.

I used a one-behind the other double buggy (back part laid down flat for the baby) instead of stroller when we went out for longer days, and a stroller (for DC1) and sling for shorter trips and the supermarket.

Good luck, OP

My youngest 2 were 14 months apart.
They are now 17 and 18. Boy and a girl.
Exhausting for what seemed like years but
wonderful too. I miss those days!

17 months between my two. I can't remember most of it. I think that tells you everything you need to know!

I remember though some of the things that were hard - such as I was weaning the baby at the same time as potty training the toddler.

Also, because they're both small, but not twins, it's so hard when one is at the age ok to have playdoh for eg and the other one isn't. Also, neither is safe enough at the park on their own both want your help to climb etc.

In fact, like twins but without the novelty factor, the sympathy or any of the baby groups laid on! I did actually find that difficult. Hardly any clubs that would take a baby and a 1 yr old. I couldn't' take them swimming for eg as it had to be one adult per baby/toddler (but ironically they would have been ok if I had had a 4 yr old and a baby for eg)

My friend had two the exact same age as mine. We very often used to swop and have either the two babies or the two toddlers - it was a lot easier.

They're now 8 and 9 and it's still bloody difficult, not going to lie. Sibling rivalry is insane. But I love that we can go out to places and they're both at the same interest level. So say both happy to go to Harry Potter, or both happy to go to a skatepark. I have friends with big age gaps and it seems to cause more problems.

There's 19 months between my first 2 and less then 4 years between the 3 of them.

I found having nappy changing kit (mat, nappies, cream, wipes) downstairs a help.

I was v hot on a routine that meant they both napped at the same time after lunch.

We went out pretty much every morning to a baby group as then they were stimulated - and ready for a nap! Plus, it did us all good to see other people. Afternoon was usually garden/park, but definitely fresh air every day.

I had a double buggy and a sling, depending on mood.

I had a bag packed (and then restocked on return) ready to go out quickly.

My eldest are now 13 and nearly 12 and are the best of friends. They go to the some of the same clubs (swimming, cooking etc) and share friends and play in sports teams together.

It was physically tiring when they were little, but it's great having them so close. They only remember life together and have so many shared memories and experiences. Enjoy!

I never had a double buggy, and it was a nightmare! I agree with PPs that a double buggy is essential. And always have easy to grab food available - the times when you are starving, the toddler is whining for food, and the baby needs feeding can be on the stressful side. Watching them grow up together and interact though is rather magical.

I won't lie - there were times it was really tough. Dd2 spent a lot of time in a sling while I was doing things for dd1.

But I am so glad we have this age gap. They are 9 and 10 now and very close. They share friends, have always been into the same activities at the same time. They get on brilliantly.

My two are 18 months apart. Their dad fucked off in my final month of pregnancy with the second so that added an extra level of fun to the proceedings but thankfully I had my parents around a lot to help out.

I honestly didn't find the first six months bad at all. Everyone was being very gloomy in their predictions and 'ooooh you'll have your work cut out for you' but it was great. I do have a lot of experience with babies and small children though so that may have helped.

Positives were that older child was still so little there wasn't any jealousy. After about a week or so he didn't really remember being an only child so just kind of accepted baby being there!

Toddler was given a box of toys that came out at feeding time (I breastfed on demand so this happened a lot) and only feeding time so they stayed exciting and kept him occupied. Failing that CBeebies is your friend. Lower your expectations re screen time limits and then lower them again. Also books can be read to toddler while breastfeeding baby, just takes working out the right hold!

Once again, lower expectations and standards. Sometimes everyone will be dressed and you'll manage a day out to a national trust and picnic, other days there'll be no point getting dressed before everyone has to be back in pyjamas again! This is ok

Babies can be endlessly fascinating to toddlers. Don't leave them alone together! Equally, the baby may not be as interesting as you think they're going to be. Doesn't mean they're not going to love one another, just means toddlers are fickle.

You absolutely will love the new baby. It might take a while, it might be instant but it will happen. I found with my second baby I fell in love instantly (as I did with my first) but I was very very aware I didn't know him. My oldest child by then was such a distinct personality with likes and dislikes and sense of humour etc and suddenly here was this tiny person who I loved so much but I didn't know at all. It was weird!

You'll middle along and work things out and get things right and make mistakes just like you did your first. Get a sling. Slings are so much more helpful for second babies when toddler wrangling!

The one thing I could never work out was bath time. Baby was too slippery and fragile initially to go in the bath with toddler but always ALWAYS geared up for a massive cluster feed whenever I put toddler in bath (no matter how much I varied the time), toddler couldn't get in and out of the bath without my help but I had a baby attached to my boob, then I needed to try and dry and put nappy on toddler one handed.....it became a lot easier once the baby was solid enough to go in the bath with his brother!

Other than that enjoy! I loved those days and would happily go back to them ❤️