Sen children and schooling

[lollipoprainbow]

I'm a single working mum to my dd9 who has ASD. She is in mainstream school but hates going, every morning is a huge battle, refuses to get dressed etc. I'm on a few autistic pages on Facebook and when school refusal is discussed it's always suggested that the child is removed from school and is home schooled instead as it's damaging to the child's mental health. I also belong to a club for parents of autistic children and they all either home school or send their children in mornings only. This isn't an option for me as I have to hold down a job to survive, I'd be hopeless at home schooling and frankly I don't want to. Please tell me I'm not alone in having to send my child with autism to school, am I really damaging her mental health? I feel so awful about it all and guilty.

Not autism but my DD has dyslexia and dyspraxia, she's 7 and hates school, similar battle every morning!

I'm also a single working parent so I can't homeschool either.

Mine's in mainstream secondary full time, has an EHCP and anxiety medication. I work too although not a single parent. It can be done but you have to go into battle to get the right support and adjustments. An EHCP is key imo.

I don't think removing them from school should ever be the first step even if you could.
Have you been to school to talk to them about it? Don't do it over the phone, I think you really need to speak to someone face to face. How is she once she's at school? How is she doing academically? What exactly does she struggle with - is it the transition to school? Is it friends? Is it the work? Is it break and lunch times? Is it the noise? If you know what exactly she is struggling with then it will be much easier to try to help her and to get things put in place for her.

My son had someone from SEND come and observe him at school (they organised it) and make lots of suggestions of things that might help him - I've seen lots of other people mention them and say they were really good too so I wonder if that would be possible/helpful?

Don't feel guilty - you need to work to keep a roof over both your heads and to feed and cloth you and that has to be your priority.

There are other things you may be able to do to help. If she is not happy going to school it sounds like her needs are not being met. What support is in place? Does she have an EHCP? Does the school have an autism unit? Do the staff at school have more training in Autism than 1hr in an inset, if you are lucky? Is there a school locally which could better meet her needs?

I have an autistic DS who is in mainstream and have to admit that forcing him to go to the wrong school without support did damage his mental health but now he is at a fab school (still mainstream but with an autism unit) with much better support, if he had been there to start with I don't think school would have been such an issue.

His younger sibling is highly likely to be autistic just waiting for formal diagnosis - he is much better able to express what the issues are and I am very quick to get these address by school - to make sure reasonable adjustments are made and the correct provision is in place. He is in mainstream too.

Does DD have an EHCP?

Don’t deregister and EHE. If you do the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements and they are relieved of their duties. Parents often find it easier to get support when stillon a school’s roll even if DC can’t attend. Bluntly, you are someone’s ‘problem’ whereas it is easier to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet when you EHE. If DD cannot attend school the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative arrangements.

I don't think you are damaging her health. You are trying your best and looking after asd daughter and holding down a job

You need as much support as possible from the school/council.
I don't want to offend anybody but alot of the people I know that homeschool their sen children is because the alternative has just become too bloody difficult for everybody involved, not as a first choice.

You are doing great!

I'm one of the parents who has had to educate away from school.

It wasn't the first choice by any means but ultimately my children weren't safe in school due to the fact that their needs weren't met and it was causing them acute trauma.

It hasn't been easy.

As Imitatingdory has suggested you should look at applying for an EHCP if she doesn't already have one.

I would try to refrain from using the term 'school refusal' as it has negative connotations for your child. If they are struggling to attend school then it is a sign that their needs are not being met. It is awful when you are confronted with a child who is struggling to attend as you have to deal with the child but also with the SEN system which is a minefield.

There does seem to be a rush on some of the Face Book groups to deregister. That is bad advice in the sense that it absolves the responsibility of the LA to educate your child. Your child may need adjustments in the school they are in or they may be better suited to a SEN school.

Education Other Than At School is a last resort where no schools can meet need which is what my children have. It's not ideal by any means but the LA does fund their provision away from school.

Lifeturnsonadime you are right about EOTAS. DS1 has a bespoke EOTAS package as part of his EHCP and it isn’t perfect, but there isn’t another option at the moment.

Autism is a huge spectrum so what works for one child won't work for others.
Does she have an EHCP ,if she doesn't you can apply for one as a parent ,is she in the right placement ,maybe she needs something more specialised or support in her current placement ,there are several options ,but it's not immediate and an EHCP would help a lot

Is there a suitable special school for her?

My dd went to school everyday, we went through phases of her being sent home but she went on time without debate. She's at university now. She is not alone

Some of the groups are quite hard-core on this approach and I don't like it. And if you need money so have to work you are an awful parent. Not fine in school is particularly hideous.

Homeschooling was not an option here either. With a lot of hardwork we got my DD happy to go in. It was much better for us as a whole.

Could child go to special schoo

Does your child have an ehcp? Would a special school be better for them?

I am a mum to a 9 year old with complex needs who is currently out of school with severe anxiety because his school (specialist school) wasn’t right for him and we are trying to find him a new placement. We are crippling ourselves financially and health wise as I have severe health difficulties but I cannot send him back to an unsuitable school- the knock on stress is worse than keeping him home but if you have to work you have to work! Make sure your claiming dla and look into carers allowance to see if that makes any difference to your situation.

Bagels are the LA providing alternative education and anything specified and quantified in section F? You can’t be required to facilitate DS’s education and SEN provision, even if that means the LA need to employ a PA/LSA/TA etc to facilitate DS’s education.

Agree some of the groups are hardline on this (and on other stuff- I saw one the other week where a parent was advised to send their eldest daughter to live somewhere else as it was distressing the younger one to have her in the house....).

My dd8 also has asd. She manages fine in mainstream at the moment (has lots of adaptations made possible by her being in an international school which will not be long term though). I wouldn't be able to stop work either. Work towards an EHCP and get the school to step up.

@Mumofsend

Some of the groups are quite hard-core on this approach and I don't like it. And if you need money so have to work you are an awful parent. Not fine in school is particularly hideous.

Homeschooling was not an option here either. With a lot of hardwork we got my DD happy to go in. It was much better for us as a whole.

Completely agree

YANBU

But you need to get the EHCP process started as there are quite a few school years left.

My dd (ASD) is now in 6th form and is scarred by her entire school experience. We did what we could. My other dd (dyslexia) also found it utterly demoralising over the years. The system is rubbish but you have got to play it (EHCP - don’t deregister her).

You need to keep a roof over your head. Don’t feel guilty.

@Imitatingdory

Bagels are the LA providing alternative education and anything specified and quantified in section F? You can’t be required to facilitate DS’s education and SEN provision, even if that means the LA need to employ a PA/LSA/TA etc to facilitate DS’s education.

At the moment he is simply too anxious and traumatised to do any learning at all so we have him signed off medically with anxiety whilst we are exploring alternative specialist schools. He had a trial day at one a couple of weeks ago and they have come back declining to offer a place saying his anxiety is too severe (this is a school specifically for children with autism and mental health needs)! Other schools have refused him a place on the basis of him being too cognitively able or not able enough. We are down to literally one special school left now (within an hours journey from us) and we are due to view them next Friday. There just aren’t enough spaces and types of school for the children that need them.

Has she got an ehcp ? Why not try and find a more suitable school? I know it isn't easy but there are some amazing schools especially for girls with autism . I'm sure she would be happier in the correct environment for her . I have a son with sn and there is no way I could or want to home school. He needs to be around peers , I imagine home schooling very isolating for you and the child ( well I know it is because of the lockdown !)

Bagel Alternative provision doesn’t have to be traditional learning. It could be therapies (SALT, OT, hydro, rebound, MH therapies), Mindjam, a mentor/TA to play with, subscription to a magazine, subscription box, if able to accessing the community (soft play, swimming, park, cafe, trampolining), sensory/exercise equipment, craft supplies. All depends on DS’s needs and interests.

Do you think one of the schools can meet DS’s needs? If so, is the school wholly independent? If not, the LA can and must name them regardless of the school’s objections unless they can prove:

• The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

The bar is high, none of the reason in your post seem enough to refuse to admit if the school is your preference and it isn’t wholly independent.

There just aren’t enough spaces

Full is not defined in law, and being ‘full’ is not enough of a reason to refuse admission, the LA have to prove the school is so full admitting DS is incompatible. The bar is high, higher than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”.

Gunnersgold as much as I don’t think OP should deregister, EHE and EOTAS don’t have to be like lockdown learning!

@Imitatingdory

Bagel Alternative provision doesn’t have to be traditional learning. It could be therapies (SALT, OT, hydro, rebound, MH therapies), Mindjam, a mentor/TA to play with, subscription to a magazine, subscription box, if able to accessing the community (soft play, swimming, park, cafe, trampolining), sensory/exercise equipment, craft supplies. All depends on DS’s needs and interests.

Do you think one of the schools can meet DS’s needs? If so, is the school wholly independent? If not, the LA can and must name them regardless of the school’s objections unless they can prove:

• The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

The bar is high, none of the reason in your post seem enough to refuse to admit if the school is your preference and it isn’t wholly independent.

There just aren’t enough spaces

Full is not defined in law, and being ‘full’ is not enough of a reason to refuse admission, the LA have to prove the school is so full admitting DS is incompatible. The bar is high, higher than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”.

Gunnersgold as much as I don’t think OP should deregister, EHE and EOTAS don’t have to be like lockdown learning!

I appreciate you’re trying to help 💐

The school that turned him down is a section 41 independent school. They can turn down for whatever reason they like and the LA can’t challenge it (I’ve argued and begged and emailed both the ehcp coordinator and the school)! We are in Norfolk and there aren’t many state funded specialist schools for children that aren’t quite fully complex needs - of those that are available most are either section 41 or independent and this means they can’t be appealed against or named on an ehcp if they decline to offer a space.

I am doing a lot of things with Ds whilst he is off school - we attend a home Ed group for children with sen so he is socialising and mixing with others. We do a lot of zoo / history type trips out and about. I don’t have the energy to go down the route of trying to get the LA to fund EOTAS type stuff whilst I’m trying to battle with them to find him a new specialist placement.

I am totally fed up with it all and could fill another thread on it all… but this is the ops thread so I won’t but just saying I completely understand why many parents do home school because the whole sen system is a nightmare.

I would suggest working with the school to make it more predictable and less anxiety provoking for her. Its much better for her to be in school if there's a way she can cope, otherwise she will be socially isolated. Autistic children need friends and socialising even more than neurotypical children IMO. Taking her out should be a last resort after trying lots of different things including a different school.

Yes I think I know the groups you are talking about, they are very quick to suggest home education and make you feel bad if you don’t/can’t. However dd is now 10 and didn’t get into any sen secondary schools and won’t cope in mainstream so now I’m forced to home ed as I can’t actually send her I don’t have a choice but yeh they are quick to tell you to take them out now taking into consideration not everyone can do that

The school that turned him down is a section 41 independent school. They can turn down for whatever reason they like and the LA can’t challenge it (I’ve argued and begged and emailed both the ehcp coordinator and the school)!

Bagel the LA are telling you lies. This is incorrect. Section 41 independents are not wholly independent. They are included in s38(3) of the CAFA 2014 therefore you have a right to request they are named and the LA can only refuse if they can prove one of the reasons I posted in my pp. The LA can, and must, name them regardless of the school’s objection if they cannot prove one of the aforementioned exceptions.

You can also appeal for a section 41 independent without an offer of a place.

IPSEA link showing you have a right to request a section 41 independent.

I appreciate you haven’t got the energy to pursue it but for others reading you can get the zoo and other trips out funded.