Sen children and schooling

[lollipoprainbow]

I'm a single working mum to my dd9 who has ASD. She is in mainstream school but hates going, every morning is a huge battle, refuses to get dressed etc. I'm on a few autistic pages on Facebook and when school refusal is discussed it's always suggested that the child is removed from school and is home schooled instead as it's damaging to the child's mental health. I also belong to a club for parents of autistic children and they all either home school or send their children in mornings only. This isn't an option for me as I have to hold down a job to survive, I'd be hopeless at home schooling and frankly I don't want to. Please tell me I'm not alone in having to send my child with autism to school, am I really damaging her mental health? I feel so awful about it all and guilty.

Ahungrycaterpillar appeal, the majority of appeals are upheld.

@Imitatingdory

Ahungrycaterpillar appeal, the majority of appeals are upheld.

Not going to appeal as the school and professionals don’t agree with me they say she is fine in mainstream as she does well academically which is why we was turned down for a special school. Never mind the fact she has a ehcp, 1:1 all day, and severe behavioural problems (can be aggressive) they say she is fine academically so doesn’t matter..

Ahungrycatepillar it really is worth appealing. Schools and LAs often say the pupil is ‘fine’ but parents successfully appeal despite that. Look at getting independent reports, if you will struggle to afford them contact parents in need who can sometimes help. Also look at Legal Aid. Being academically able isn’t a barrier, DC who are academically able go to SS.

Could you realistically look at a different school. It could just be that the school she is in isn't a good fit.

@Imitatingdory

The school that turned him down is a section 41 independent school. They can turn down for whatever reason they like and the LA can’t challenge it (I’ve argued and begged and emailed both the ehcp coordinator and the school)!

Bagel the LA are telling you lies. This is incorrect. Section 41 independents are not wholly independent. They are included in s38(3) of the CAFA 2014 therefore you have a right to request they are named and the LA can only refuse if they can prove one of the reasons I posted in my pp. The LA can, and must, name them regardless of the school’s objection if they cannot prove one of the aforementioned exceptions.

You can also appeal for a section 41 independent without an offer of a place.

IPSEA link showing you have a right to request a section 41 independent.

I appreciate you haven’t got the energy to pursue it but for others reading you can get the zoo and other trips out funded.

Thank you for this. I will investigate further.

OP, I completely relate. My youngest child also can't attend school currently due to high levels of anxiety. She is undiagnosed but on ASD diagnosis pathway. She has selective mutism and chronic bowel issues, which make attending mainstream school exceptionally difficult for her. I homeschooled her previously but the pressure on me was considerable. I didn't feel it was an elective decision, it felt like I had no choice, but EHE meant all the support systems were removed and it's totally down to you to meet their academic, social and mental health needs. I think I'm going to try to apply for EOTAS this time around, as the current school agrees she is not coping or learning well in a school environment.

Repeating what has been said If she doesn’t have an ehcp get the ball rolling.

The key things are having a water tight ehcp and the right setting be that mainstream or specialist.

Can she verbalise what it is that she is struggling with at school?

Thanks all, she is doing well in school although I wonder how much of this is masking, she has been offered a safe space etc. Senco don't think she would get an EHCP so will look into this myself. We are quite isolated already so I feel me not working and her not going to school would be bad for both of our mental health to be honest! I feel better for your replies thank you

Senco's often say that you can't get an EHCP and this incorrect.

I'd suggest the IPSEA website as a good starting point, I had to make a parental application for both of mine as the SENCO at our school said the same to me as yours has to you.

Good luck.

Lollipop schools often incorrectly tell parents their DC doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP but the parents go on to successfully apply themselves. The initial threshold for an EHCNA is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP. Any other test is unlawful.

Purplepeach If DD cannot attend school the LA has a duty to provide alternative arrangements under s.19, the Education 1996 once it becomes clear DD will miss 15 days. Separate to this if DD has an EHCP a more comprehensive EOTAS package with more hours of tutoring and other provision and therapies can be secured. If DD already has an EHCP the LA must ensure she receives anything specified and quantified in F while she is unable to attend school.

Absolutely no chance would I home school ds. It was hard enough during lockdown when the school was providing work, I could never manage on my own plus I don’t think that will help him at all. I know school isn’t easy, he’s the awkward weird one, but he has good friends. Mainstream secondary btw, no ehcp, no support but he was high functioning asd (what used to be Asperger’s). I fully expect him to become an independent working adult too - I know he will require much more support and check ins then our other dc - but he’s still being raised with the expectation that he will have his own home and a job as an adult who supports himself and school is the way to do this.
Obviously asd is a measure spectrum though- I would look at special schools before considering homeschool. There are some brilliant special schools that can tailor the curriculum more to the child and be more supportive then mainstream

DC1 has autism and has just been through several months of school refusal (7yo). School have been fantastic and have worked with us on the home-to-school transition. DC now has a TA who meets them at the door and stays with them until break time. It really was such a change once this routine started, suddenly all the meltdowns stopped. We also have an agreement that on the (thankfully increasingly rare) occasions that DC has a very bad night/series of meltdowns and sleeps late, we can do the usual routine at home and arrive at school later because we've agreed readiness to learn is the priority on those days.

What have the school tried? Are they communicating well and helping with different strategies?

I home educate but don’t think people should feel guilty if they can’t or don’t want to do so. It shouldn’t be seen as something parents have to do if their children don’t like school. You need to work to keep your child clothed and fed, and if you were miserable home educating then your child probably wouldn’t enjoy it much either. And in lots of cases I don’t think it helps children being taken totally away from their problems as they don’t then learn how to solve them.

Thanks @Imitatingdory. She had been trying to slowly reintegrate on a reduced timetable but she had a negative experience and we are right back to her not being able to tolerate it at all, so I think we will be asking for the help she is entitled to now rather than continuing with the reintegration to school.

Reading this with interest and in solidarity as a working single parent with a recently diagnosed child with ASD and ADHD. (My child masks their discomfort when they do make it into school as they really struggle to communicate their feelings. They often don't make it in).

I am interested in what adjustments we might explore to see if we can make school feel more tolerable.

Purplepeach it doesn’t have to be either or. Medical needs EOTAS tuition can support a reintegration to school if/when DD is ready. As can an EHCP if school is appropriate for DD now or in the future.

l think the reasoning behind take them out is that this awful senario can just drag on and on for years getting absolutely nowhere, at least with HE you get get another consistant structure in place . HE was the best thing for my son, but all kids are different.
I am a single working Mum, it was easier for me as my son was 13 and more than capable of studying independantly without my imput, he went on to achieve A** in his exams and his anxiety levels went down once he was no longer at school, its impossible to try and find a way forward re panic and anxiety when their anxiety levels are sky high, plus the school demanding 100 % attendance, too much pressure. He is working part time and studying A levels now and his wellbeing is miles better.

Imitatingdory Thanks, that's reassuring and useful to know.

I hear you OP.

We're in a similar boat. I can't afford to not work, and I don't want to give up my job either. My child can't cope with school, so I wfh where I can and she stays at home when I'm at work. Even on the days where I'm wfh, I do not have the time to teach her.

We're in the process of an ehcp, I'm hoping through that that we find somewhere she can cope with.

Conversely to others on here though I found Not Fine in school and such pages extremely validating. I was so relieved to find other families who have this struggle, and who can relate.