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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hair cut

52 replies

WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 09/03/2022 10:49

Hi all

DC is 5, has beautiful long hair, wants it cutting to just past shoulders, currently about 3 inches from bottom of back. Gets in their way at school and when playing (even when tied up)and generally annoys them.

One parent is happy for them to have it cut. Other parent flat out refusing, so...

YANBU - their hair, their choice, regardless of young age.
YABU - too young to make the decision themselves, the hair stays long.

OP posts:
cavalierkingc · 09/03/2022 10:55

Plaits would solve the being in the way problem pretty easily. Personally id keep it long.

TabithaTittlemouse · 09/03/2022 10:56

It gets in the way and annoys them. Cut it.

lalafam · 09/03/2022 10:57

It's hair, it will grow back. If she wants it cut it should be cut.

sirfredfredgeorge · 09/03/2022 10:58

their hair, their choice

The right to make choices about your own body is the first thing you have, impermanent choices like clothes and hair should start as soon as the child is able to express the desires.

SilverHairedCat · 09/03/2022 10:58

I hated having my hair cut as a kid and always wanted it long, but mum made me have bobs.

I've never forgotten the lack of concern anyone had for what I wanted. I was only about 5.

Let her have her hair cut - it's causing her problems. Hair grows back.

Jules912 · 09/03/2022 11:04

Her choice, but when my similar aged daughter wanted a bob (to match her friend) I explained it would take months to grow back if she changed her mind and she decided to keep it long.

TonkaTruckduck · 09/03/2022 11:08

I'm assuming its a boy, either way at 5 children clearly know their own mind on certain issues. It's only hair, let them have what they want

HopefulProcrastinator · 09/03/2022 11:10

Our two have always had autonomy over their hair with basic caveats (must be kept clean/manageable and more recently must be in adherence with school rules).

How you can possibly teach a child consent if you won't listen about their hair?!

By all means have a sensible discussion but the decision should be the child's once they've made one.

Original poster
WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 09/03/2022 11:15

@sirfredfredgeorge

The right to make choices about your own body is the first thing you have

This is exactly my view. How can we teach our children about body automony and their right to decide, and in the next breath tell them we get the final say over something as superficial as hair length?

Surely these smaller decisions we allow them to make are setting them up to feel more confident about making the bigger ones?

I love her hair and it will make me a little sad to see it go, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not going to make a tiny bit of difference to anyone, she will still be the same child she is right now, just less irritated by her hair.

It's her dad who is saying no, which is also another reason I want her to decide for herself, i don't want her thinking any man can make decisions over her body, even her dad.

@SilverHairedCat

My mum always had my hair cut in a bob too, with a fringe. Was never allowed to grow my fringe out or grow it longer. It was only when i went to high school that i let it grow how i wanted it and that has stayed with me too.

OP posts:
CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 11:17

Dad can grow his hair long or get a wig. Your child is not a doll for him to style.

CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 11:17

It's not even like she has asked for a pixie cut

8lue8ird · 09/03/2022 11:20

@sirfredfredgeorge

their hair, their choice

The right to make choices about your own body is the first thing you have, impermanent choices like clothes and hair should start as soon as the child is able to express the desires.

Yea I'm strongly in this camp
Original poster
WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 09/03/2022 11:27

@CowsAreNotGreen

This is what i said! I wouldn't mind but he doesn't look after it or anything, just puts it in the odd ponytail for school. It's purely for him to look at? I don't know, i don't see how it makes a difference to him.

OP posts:
CowsAreNotGreen · 09/03/2022 11:29

That would annoy me. Your daughter is not an object. She needs to be able to climb, run, do whatever it is she wants to do without her hair getting in the way. Would he stop a son getting a hair cut?

Darkstar4855 · 09/03/2022 12:01

I find it quite disturbing that her father is trying to dictate how she wears her hair tbh.

Blush21 · 09/03/2022 12:10

Let her cut it! No idea what this obsession with little girls having long hair is. I also was had a bob as a child and it just suited me, nice and neat and my mother always took the time to blow dry and style it for me. I loved it and still have shorter hair now as an adult. I’ve had phases or growing it but always cut it off as I too find it annoying and heavy. Let her cut it. Explain it’ll take a while to grow but do what she wants. If unsure perhaps cut it to a nice mid length and she can take it short again next time?

Prettybubblesintheair · 09/03/2022 12:15

That would annoy me so much, he’s her dad not her keeper and she isn’t an object to look cute and pretty she’s a person with valid thoughts and feelings. Let her have her hair how she wants it but make it very clear hair takes a long time to grow back! When I was little my hair was cut into a Bob (at my request I think!) and I was devastated that it didn’t grow back overnight! I would have been maybe 5/6 and no one really explained to me that if I didn’t like it I’d have to grow it out and I was so upset!

Playplayaway · 09/03/2022 12:23

It should definitely be her choice. Your dh is being very unreasonable here. She'll still have a lot of hair and it will grow back. It's not like she's asking for a shaved head for goodness sake.

DDivaStar · 09/03/2022 12:29

I wouldn't agree she has complete control if she wanted it cut severely short, but just below shoulders sounds much more practical.

That's very long, no wonder she wants it cut. I can't imagine insisting on her keeping it so long when she's unhappy.

Qwill · 09/03/2022 12:58

Why does he want it long? I find that quite odd.

Sexnotgender · 09/03/2022 13:04

@Qwill

Why does he want it long? I find that quite odd.
Exactly. It’s weird as fuck that he won’t let her have her hair cut!

It’s annoying her. Why on earth WOULDN’T you cut it?

katmarie · 09/03/2022 13:11

By refusing her the haircut he is telling her that the way she looks to a male observer is more important than her own comfort. Which is a frankly terrible message to send to any child.

Her hair is annoying her. That alone is good enough reason to cut it. My DS's hair is beautiful and thick and wavy and I think it looks lovely when it's longer and a bit shaggy. But it makes his head hot and sweaty, and itchy, so we keep it nice and short for him. His comfort is far more important to me than how he looks.

Clymene · 09/03/2022 13:26

I find the idea of a man wanting to control his daughter's hair length really disturbing.

LittleGwyneth · 09/03/2022 14:04

Their hair, their choice. It's one of the best and quickest ways to teach your child about consent. If they want it cut, they get it cut. IMO no room for debate or discussion there.

I would also want to unpick why one parent felt so strongly about controlling their child's hair.

nearlyspringyay · 09/03/2022 14:08

DTs got a bob just before they turned six because their mate did. It was the best haircut, so easy to manage and reduced the daily tantrums about me brushing their hair. They are growing it out now they are going to secondary and apparently everyone has long hair in secondary. Their hair, their choice!

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