Great friends with different beliefs

steff13 · 09/03/2022 00:40

Yes

Cocomarine · 09/03/2022 00:54

@Sportslady44

I have a great friend and even though she is religious and I am not it doesn't seem to matter. We never clash about it. There's a kind of respect there. We get on well.

Does anyone else have friendships that work well when you have differences in opinion ions on things??

What?! Why on earth would someone practising a religion make friendship difficult? Most of the major religions have some wonderful beliefs in supporting the vulnerable and being a good person. What’s to argue with? It’s actually pretty off, because what are you saying here - that the difficulties in some communities are inevitable because the default for different religions / lack of religion is that they simply can’t get along?! Please, do explain exactly why you wouldn’t be able to be friends?

Cocomarine · 09/03/2022 00:58

FWIW, I’m an atheist and my sister is a practising Methodist. Perhaps it’ll surprise you, but we don’t have to think about “respect”. We just carry on our lives. You know when she tells me about a great sermon she’s heard, I don’t stick my fingers in my ears saying, “I don’t want to hear your mumbo jumbo.”

ThisThreadCouldOutMe · 09/03/2022 00:59

My best friend of 25+ years and I have different opinions on loads of minor issues, and a couple of bigger ones as well. Eg religion.

It's never been an issue. We just disagree well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/03/2022 01:23

Loads. How shit would life be if everyone agreed with me?

Religion, culture, politics, vegetarianism, lifestyle, place of origin and many more.

WorraLiberty · 09/03/2022 01:25

Errrm...well yes, of course.

BambinaJAS · 09/03/2022 01:28

Mostly only matters if they are aggressively religious.

Hard to coexist with those types as they tend to be very judgmental.

Cameleongirl · 09/03/2022 02:05

I have different beliefs to my DH! Religious, some political and social beliefs and we disagree quite vehemently on certain issues. But our relationship works because we have mutual respect and listen to each other’s opinions.

It’s not abnormal to get on well with people very different from yourself, OP.

Shesmyperson · 09/03/2022 02:10

Both my mums family and my dad's family are a different religion to each other. Mum and dad managed to be married from 20 til mum died aged 66.

I managed to love and get one with both sides. I have an altogether different belief system to them all, to my dp and my best friend. Its fine. Not sure why it would be a problem.

Cormoran · 09/03/2022 02:30

Of course, what an odd question.
I have several friends with different beliefs, different sexual orientation, different political views, different whatever, dietary opinion, ....
and we are great friends and make each other happy

lborgia · 09/03/2022 03:38

Boy, the snotty bunch are here!

Yes, I also have a very devout bff, and after 30 years I'm sure we'll know each other forever, but it has been sorely tested.

Their insistence that same sex marriage desecrates the entire sanctity of marriage, and therefore makes her personally wounded, was a doozy.

Her insistence that, however obnoxious her husband is, she is often responsible for his behaviour because she yells sometimes in frustration. Which he shouldn't have to deal with.

In fact, I'd say we're more like sisters. In that, whatever one of us says that the other thinks is outrageous, we will still love and support each other.

If you don't feel your relationship has ever been tested by your differences, then I guess you'll think it's a daft post.

Maybe the difference for us, is that it DOES matter, to both of us. They think I'm going to burn in eternal hell. I think she's in a cruel and misogynistic cult. And marriage.

Those aren't things you can choose to ignore all the time.

LoveFall · 09/03/2022 03:42

I don't have any issues with friends or coworkers with different beliefs. Except when one told she felt very sad because I was going to go to hell.

steff13 · 09/03/2022 03:43

@LoveFall

I don't have any issues with friends or coworkers with different beliefs. Except when one told she felt very sad because I was going to go to hell.

I mean, at least she felt sad about it. 🤷‍♀️😂

WhackingPhoenix · 09/03/2022 03:47

How’s the article coming along?

C8H10N4O2 · 09/03/2022 08:48

Does anyone else have friendships that work well when you have differences in opinion ions on things??

Yes many - its entirely normal and used to be unremarkable in most circles. In recent years I've noticed an increased tendency of people to say "how can you be friends with someone who thinks X" which I find profoundly depressing.

Cameleongirl · 09/03/2022 14:21

@C8H10N4O2

Does anyone else have friendships that work well when you have differences in opinion ions on things??

Yes many - its entirely normal and used to be unremarkable in most circles. In recent years I've noticed an increased tendency of people to say "how can you be friends with someone who thinks X" which I find profoundly depressing.

I agree, @C8H10N4O2. Intolerance and a lack of open-mindedness seems to be on the rise.☹️

user1471504747 · 09/03/2022 14:26

It’s unlikely two individuals will 100% agree on everything ever, so therefore yes the vast majority of people will have close friends with different beliefs.

The only time it would be an issue for me would be if that “belief” was very discriminatory or offensive. Personally I wouldn’t be friends with someone with those sort of beliefs.

georama · 09/03/2022 17:33

It depends on what the belief is. She votes for a different political party? Fine, whatever. She's racist or homophobic? Deal breaker.

housemaus · 09/03/2022 17:48

Some, yes.

It depends what: some views are just different to my own but not against my morals (e.g. a belief in a deity, veganism).

Others are - a belief in god wouldn't bother me but a belief that 'gay people are going to hell because god says so' would, for example. Those people I'm not anything other than very vague acquaintances with because I wouldn't respect or like someone who believed those things, and that's not a basis for a friendship.

I used to have a good friend who became vegan and, after a while, very strongly/vocally so and involved in the community. She ended up distancing herself from me and some other friends because she said she could no longer see us as people who she respected because we continued to eat meat/dairy and that was abhorrent to her. I respect and understand that - as sad as it made me at the time, I think it's admirable that she knows so clearly the kind of people she wants in her life and is surrounding herself with people who have common goals and belief systems.

housemaus · 09/03/2022 17:53

@C8H10N4O2

Does anyone else have friendships that work well when you have differences in opinion ions on things??

Yes many - its entirely normal and used to be unremarkable in most circles. In recent years I've noticed an increased tendency of people to say "how can you be friends with someone who thinks X" which I find profoundly depressing.

I don't think it's depressing.

Would you be friends with someone who truly believed all women were stupid whores, good for babymaking only, and shouldn't be allowed to vote or work?

I wouldn't (I use this example, as someone in my friendship group went down the incel/far right rabbit hole a couple of years ago and I swiftly distanced myself). There are certain views that would imake me dislike someone. And I wouldn't do myself or someone else the disservice of pretending to be friends with someone I did not like.

Sure, if it's 'your favourite football teams are rivals', it's silly - but that's not new, it's been happening for years. But there are a handful of views that I think it's entirely legitimate and not at all depressing not to want to associate with.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/03/2022 17:55

Yes, lots.

Lovelteers · 09/03/2022 17:58

Lots. Friends with Tories. Friends with god botherers. Friends with super poshos.
I’d draw the line at racists or homophobes obvs but have lots of friends from different cultural backgrounds so respect their cultures/ religions even though i’m atheist.

Mommabear20 · 09/03/2022 18:04

My manager is a very religious catholic, I am an atheist, our colleagues often think we're fighting as we discuss religion vs evolution 😂 but at the end of the day we have the utmost respect for each other and each other's views. I think it's great to delve into the views of others, how can we learn to accept one another if we don't understand one another?

SignUpNow · 09/03/2022 18:05

My best friend is a born again Christian. I’m an atheist. I love her to bits and although we sometimes have quite lively debates, we never argue about religion or our beliefs.

DH is a leftie with several staunch Tory friends. It is possible .

Theonewiththecandles · 09/03/2022 21:16

It depends to be honest

One of my best friends is Christian and got baptised (again) in her late 20s just last year. I, on the other hand, am a Pagan.

Another friend is a vegan, doesn't mind if I eat meat in front of her, but I wouldn't bring it into her house out of respect.

However, if I had racist, homophobic or benefit-bashing friends then that's a complete no-go for me, I couldn't be friends with someone like that