to want to rip the head of my DS's Headmistress off.

[discoverlife]

DH and myself have decided to start Home Educating our DS2 10yo year 6 who is SEN, for a variety of reasons. The main one being persistant bullying because of his problems. We called it bullying the Headmistress called it misunderstandings between DS and others as he see's things in a very black and white way. She thought the kids were just having a laugh, my DS knew they were laughing at him. The bullying also included persistant verbal and physical torment.
The reason for my blazing fury ATM is that now we have told DS2 that he will not be going back there, he has opened up to us about the really bad stuff that was going on (I thought he trusted us) that he was too petrified to tell us for fear of retribution.
It seems that one of the worst verbal abuses was that they spread the word around school that because he is so thick (he's not), he would never get married and would become a peadophile and have sex with babies. I am welling up now remembering the look on his face, he expected me to tell him off about it, how can I repair his self esteem after that?
The physical abuse was general pushing and shoving, (incidents of weeing in his school bag as wel)), but as soon as one had managed to get him to the ground, 5 others would jump up and down on him. God how I tried to get him to tell me what the bruises were from. How is it that these little shits children could gain so much power that Mothers love couldn't help.
I just want to rip the Headmistress head off for being an Ostrich. When we moved to the school she assured us there was no bullying, well in her eyes there isn't as she is too bloody blind to see it.

God that's terrible. Send this information to the governors - don't let her put another child through that.

Blimey, when I saw thread title I thought it was a bit much, but that is appalling. Your poor ds! Glad you've decided to home ed - there are people with experience of this on here, hope you manage to find them.

If you can find the energy, you should really make a complaint to the LEA and school governors. No school should be allowing a child to be treated like that.

Your poor, poor ds

You need to let that headmistress know what was going on under her nose!!

I know I would if it was me!!!

I've come to the conclusion that too many teachers/heads become an ostrich as soon as they enter school. So sorry for you and your dear ds all I can say right now is SEN or not there are too many children who go through this in the past and it will be in the future too. One of the reasons I keep wanting to escape to an island that does not exist. Wish I had never had children sometimes - because of things like this.

Your poor lovely little boy, I'm sitting here and my skin has gone cold thinking about how he must have felt when they said that to him.

You should definately complain if you feel up to it, I really hope your LO feels much better now he has shared his experiences.

Big hugs to you all

Willow
xx

Hmm, I was thinking "gosh, that's a bit violent" when I read your title discoverlife, but I can quite see why you're reacting the way you are.

I second the suggestion that you make a complaint, it's very disturbing that children are being allowed to behave like this in a school. Also whichever child came up with those awful rumours probably needs a bit of help themselves - what they've been saying goes far beyond even "normal" childish bullying.

Her solution to the playground bullying was to make my DS stay in .

There was mutterings from other Mum's about her inconsistant approach to the easy pupils and the challenging ones. But there is no proof, just the ramblings of an SEN child who's lanuage skills are poor and who takes everything to heart.

Weeing in his school bag? Physical/ emotional abuse? This is outrageous- the worst kind of bullying -your poor ds, especially if he has special needs!

I know how wild it makes you feel. My dd is being bullied (not to the same extent) at the mo and I feel like torturing the little madam who is doing it. It's so painful to deal with. You just want to take away their pain.

I would firstly ask for the school's anti bullying policy. You should be able to prove very easily that the policy was not being followed.
Catalogue all that your ds has told you, and what the head teacher has said in the past, in a letter.

Then send a copy to both her,the chair of governers and the LEA.

Lots of love and a home ed curriculum that help him to shine will help to build up his self esteem. When he feels strong enough, perhaps you could encourage him to join a club where can develop any talents he might have.

{{{Hugs to you and your ds.}}} Hope you can help him get through this traumatic time.

Your poor poor DS. I feel so sad for him going through all that and the school not supporting him and helping him at all. I can totally undertand your hatred and anger; I too would be utterly fuming.

I think that you should send full details of this to the Headmistress, board of Governors, OFSTED and the LEA. CC them all in. State the reasons why you have chosen to HE in full detail - highlight all your boy went though and how useless the school were. I know it won't help your DS right now,, but it could stop another child in the future.

Jesus.

Your poor boy. He will mend.

You are not being unreasonable.

On the complaint front: if it's a good way for you to get it off your chest, then go for it. But if it will get you more riled, more involved, more distressed, then go all buddhist on it and just let it pass. Might, though, be worth documenting the bullying as one of the reasons for deregistering (I'm assuming you've done the letter already? If not, shove it in, and if you have done the letter, perhaps send it as a PS of additional information to the LEA. They do actually need to know that there is a school with such a culture problem that parents will remove their SEN child from the premises rather than leave them to cope with the daily harrassment)

Oh, and Go You, You Fierce Mama Lion, You. You have stood up for your child in a way he will never forget - the very act of saying "you don't have to go back" will have done more for his self-belief than years of therapy would. you believed in him, you trusted him, and you acted on his concerns. You have so done the right thing.

(but actually, hold off on the head ripping, because you'll be less useful to your boy behind bars )

I know I shouldn't rip her head off, I just visulise the look on her face (as I rip her head off), the one she uses for parents who are complaining, the same one she uses for children who climb on desks. The 'you know you shouldn't be doing that' with a haughty accent. Grrr.
I will write to the LEA telling about the bullying, and leave them to sort her out. Then I will go Buddist, I still have to live in this village.
The de-registration letter has been handed in but it was only the secretary there, catching up, so the headmistress will get the letter on Monday, and i expect the telephone calls will be rather interesting. I will let DH cope with them as he doesn't lose his temper the way I am likely to.

Your poor ds.

I work at a junior school & in her talk to prospective parents the head would always say "If a headteacher tells you there is no bullying in their school, they are either lying or seriously out of touch. I don't say there is no bullying here, I say that bullying is not tolerated here"

Even if they think there is no bullying, every school should have an anti-bullying policy, which should be available to all parents. If you can get hold of a copy, you can point out the specific points in it that were not being followed.

i am so angry for you i have goosebumps running up and down my arms - i would definately be speaking to the governers, your poor son. You sound like a fantastic, caring mum, you'll soon have him right.

has the woman got no guts? what your child has gone thru is horrific, it must be really painfull for you all.she is not doing her job properly, cant see what other choices you have though.

I have just rooted out the school pack I received when DS joined the school.
They put the empasise on the parent for disapline (which is good) the only thing they say anoub bad behaviour is that
" any violence, including verbal violence, is to be discouraged most strongly."
Punishments (the same for poor work or poor behaviour)start at and proceed through.

1. "Removal of free time-staying in at playtime (no wonder he felt miserable he was the one getting punishment duty)
2. Working in an isolated position for a while
3. Working in another teachers classroom
4. Loss of house points thus letting down other members of the house
5. An interview with the Head Teacher or Senior Teacher
6. Reporting the incident to the parents

Lastly exclusion.

I dont really think that point 1 to 4 would make any difference to a hardnut kid anyway. Only a sensitive child or one that cares would be bothered by them, because by the same point that kind of child wouldn't be getting in trouble anyway.

By the way the school is tiny, only 80+ pupils so there is no way that the teachers could not have know what was going. The head was also Ds's teacher.

That is a disgrace. Even thoigh you have decided to home educate, I would invest time in making a formal complaint and getting a satisfactory explanation out of them. I would write evrything down in a letter and send it to the head, chair of the governors, your education authority and request a meeting with all three in order for them to explain themselves. That is the most hideous bullying your son has had to endure, the poor thing. Your blood myust be boiling.

That is just shocking - your poor little boy welling up and feel sick reading it
So much for it being in the news that bullying is worst at large schools. Yours is tiny - some teachers just do not want to see what is going on under their noses.
I do think it would be good to get everything down in writing to the LEA - they really do NEED to know about this.
All the best to you and ds - you have done the best thing possible for him in taking him away from this and confirmed to him that he has a wonderful caring Mum he can trust to deal with anything.

I can't even risk him going to the appointed secondary as all of the children in his year group will go up at the same time. and by the time DS has made friends the smear campain will be well and cruelly underway.

Your poor little boy I would feel the same as you in your position. Would be absolutely fuming.

Thank you all for your support, I think I can lower the blood pressure to just wanting to knee cap her. I hate the idea that I didn't react sooner, I should have seen that she was brushing it all under the carpet. Comments like (weekly basis) 'He is just oversensitive to friendly jokes' 'They don't really mean it' 'It just normal playground rough and tumble', 'He doesn't know how to take a joke'.

i think you are more than entitled to lose your temper. You say your son has SEN, the school must have made you think they were able to cope with that, and if that means helping him to integrate with his peers then they should be sensitive that children with differences, no matter how small are potential targets for bullying. I think the school have really let you down and you should be quite vocal about letting them know it too.

Is it just the bullying that make you want to home ed?

discoverlife...how awful for you to hear what has happened to your son. I agree with Hulababy..let everyone you know etc., know what has happened to your son. Write to everyone you can think off. Then....concentrate on building up your son's self esteem. Would he have to constantly bump into these children?

I finally moved my dd last year, before year 6. As she had suffered for a long time at a church primary school. I have to say it was the best thing I could have done. She had lost weight, was worrying constantly. She doesn't have SEN problems but is shy and not as mature as the others in her class.

She is unrecognisble nearly a year on. I have consciously ensured she does not bump into her old classmates.

You can move on from this....let yourself grieve for the pain your child has suffered. Then it becomes something that happened a long time ago as that is the only way he can move on. Hope this helps...good luck.