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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cats and living together..... Advice please?

47 replies

DDLD90 · 08/03/2022 18:07

Hi Everyone,
I hope this doesnt doesnt come across like I am an awful person.

My partner wants to move into the home that I own whilst they are private renting. I have spent a lot of money and sacrificed a lot to create a lovely house for years I have skipped nights out and social events. They want to move their cat in too. I dont hate animals by any means but its not something i would choose in my home. The cat smells and the litter tray stinks, the cat hair always ends up in food and have had to not eat my dinner there many times due to this and now will only eat at my home. Am i being unreasonable for not wanting my partner to move in with their cat as they are not as tidy as me. I am also OCD diagnosed so this does not help the situation.
thanks for reading,
T xx

OP posts:
Cognoscenti · 08/03/2022 18:15

No, you're not unreasonable. I had a much loved cat who lived with us into her old age until she died, and wouldn't have another. To be brutally honest, they aren't very rewarding pets overall (imo), and yes, the litter trays can be unpleasant. Unless you are enthusiastic about cats to begin with, I wouldn't get one.

Cognoscenti · 08/03/2022 18:16

Or in your case OP, I wouldn't want a cat moving in.

Original poster
DDLD90 · 08/03/2022 18:17

I would also like to add that the cats fur is everywhere, everything It lays on is covered in fur and it rubs its arsehole all over the kitchen side where food is meant to be prepared surely thiss not hygienic

OP posts:
SisterRuth · 08/03/2022 18:18

I love cats but it's your home and if you don't want cats in it, for any reason at all, then you should not have to have them.

Cognoscenti · 08/03/2022 18:19

@DDLD90

I would also like to add that the cats fur is everywhere, everything It lays on is covered in fur and it rubs its arsehole all over the kitchen side where food is meant to be prepared surely thiss not hygienic
Yep. I also have a friend who has had quite a lot of expensive furniture destroyed by scratching (sofas, oak tables and chairs, etc.). Luckily she loves cats, I don't think I could handle that! It's your house, he may choose to live separately while he has the cat, but if you're both okay with that, it's not unreasonable of either of you.
vampirewellness · 08/03/2022 18:21

Of course you don't have to let him move in.

Deadringer · 08/03/2022 18:21

I wouldn't want that either, but tbh i think maintaining a home each is a great idea unless there are children involved.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 08/03/2022 18:22

You're just not compatible.

You're well within your rights not to want a cat in your home, but on the flip side, wouldn't give up my cats for a potential live-in partner so you may find your relationship comes to an end now.

CowsAreNotGreen · 08/03/2022 18:22

It's your home you don't have to have him move in. Or his cat.

CowsAreNotGreen · 08/03/2022 18:23

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

You're just not compatible.

You're well within your rights not to want a cat in your home, but on the flip side, wouldn't give up my cats for a potential live-in partner so you may find your relationship comes to an end now.

Yes I do agree this may mean the relationship ends if you can't move in together until the cat dies it might be a deal breaker for him.
DiaryofWimpyMumm · 08/03/2022 18:23

My cats have wrecked the suite, they vomit hair balls and changing the tray every second day is a nightmare. You have to like cats to have them live with you. I won't even go into the amount of fluff!!

Wolfiefan · 08/03/2022 18:24

Don’t move in together if you don’t want to.
But don’t expect him to get rid of his cat. And do get treatment for the OCD if you’re not already doing so.

Original poster
DDLD90 · 08/03/2022 18:24

The cat has no boundaries and is free to destroy the sofa and lay in the bed and leave hairs all over it. I cant get ready to go out at their house as it feels unclean. How can i bring this up to him in a nice way?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 08/03/2022 18:25

It doesn’t sound like your partner and you are compatible to live together. Not everyone who has cats lives like you describe (fur everywhere, in food, cat on the kitchen prep surfaces) and so your partners standards of hygiene don’t seem to be well matched to living with someone with OCD and who is meticulous about their home.

CowsAreNotGreen · 08/03/2022 18:25

Just say you're not going to be able to cope with the cat.

Original poster
DDLD90 · 08/03/2022 18:26

Thats also why i dont want him and the cat to move in as it is unfair on the cat due to my issues. I would never make or ask him to give the cat up :)

OP posts:
CowsAreNotGreen · 08/03/2022 18:26

@DDLD90

The cat has no boundaries and is free to destroy the sofa and lay in the bed and leave hairs all over it. I cant get ready to go out at their house as it feels unclean. How can i bring this up to him in a nice way?
I also would be worried about his general cleanliness vs your OCD. Are you going to be able to live with him? Does he have clean kitchens?
vampirewellness · 08/03/2022 18:26

I love and adore my cat, but fucking hell the amount of fur that comes off him. Absolutely does my head in.

And I'm always finding bit of fur in my food. It's his so I can deal with it, but id find it gross if it was the fur of a random cat.

NoSquirrels · 08/03/2022 18:26

How can i bring this up to him in a nice way?

If you already won’t eat there, or get ready there, then it’s not going to be a surprise, is it?

“DP, we can’t live together because I can’t live with your cat. I’m sorry but it’s not possible.”

vampirewellness · 08/03/2022 18:27

How old is your partner?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 08/03/2022 18:27

@DDLD90

The cat has no boundaries and is free to destroy the sofa and lay in the bed and leave hairs all over it. I cant get ready to go out at their house as it feels unclean. How can i bring this up to him in a nice way?
You can't, really. Most pet-owners are very attached to their animals and don't mind about the hair or the potential mess.

All you can do is say you're not prepared to live with any pets. Just be prepared for your partner to end the relationship.

BobbinHood · 08/03/2022 18:28

@Wolfiefan

Don’t move in together if you don’t want to. But don’t expect him to get rid of his cat. And do get treatment for the OCD if you’re not already doing so.
Yeah this. I love cats, I wouldn’t choose to move in somewhere they weren’t welcome and it may well mean the end of the relationship - but you don’t want them in your house and that’s reasonable.
ImInStealthMode · 08/03/2022 18:34

I love cats, I have one, but yes there's a lot of mess and he can be smelly. I spend a LOT of time cleaning up after mine to minimise it (and we're lucky he doesn't jump up on the kitchen surfaces or scratch the furniture - much).

There's no way I'd put up with it if I didn't adore the cat.

You're not at all unreasonable to not want the cat living in your space, but it may mean you don't have your partner living with you either (I wouldn't give up my cat to live with someone).

Original poster
DDLD90 · 08/03/2022 18:34

I totally understand his love for the cat and would never invalidate his feelings, as sad as it would be i am also prepared for him to leave me. I would be happy to live separately as we are now

OP posts:
Momicrone · 08/03/2022 18:37

You can have a cat without cat litter trays