Please help me manage war anxiety

[Butteryflakycrust83]

I am really struggling to manage my anxiety with the Ukraine situation.

My biggest fear is something happening and not being with my daughter who is at nursery about an hour away from where I work. I have intrusive thoughts about what would happen to her if the nursery workers abandoned the building.

I try and 'manage' these thoughts by looking at how quickly I could get to her, to the point I have downloaded all of the e-scooter and electric bike apps and memorised the route.

I am mostly logical, I know its unlikely and I am old enough to remember threats to our safety before, but having DD has added a new spicy edge to my anxious thoughts!

Can someone please offer me some practical logical advice on how to manage these thoughts?

I’m the same it’s horrible isn’t it?

What’s helped me is plan what I can so I feel I have some control and then try to focus on something else and not check the news to often.

Sorry not to be much help but wanted to let you know you aren’t alone in how you are feeling.

Every time you get the urge to watch the news put on murder she wrote instead and feel lucky you're not a friend of Jessica Fletcher

Every time you get the urge to watch the news put on murder she wrote instead and feel lucky you're not a friend of Jessica Fletcher

Love it!!

OP, I'm coping by only looking at the news for 5 minutes a day, and trying not to think about what's going on.

I've donated money, I've bought a trolley load of supplies for the refugee trucks going over to Poland, I've got rid of all Russian stocks and other than that, I can't give it any more head space or it would make me ridiculously anxious.

I sometimes wonder if having kids automatically comes with an anxiety of some sort 🙈 I never felt particularly anxious until having my child and I can get it pretty at times now. Take a step back and think logically, it's very, very unlikely anything you are thinking about will happen. On the very off chance it does I'm sure we would be given fair warning, just think about how long this was reported on the news before Russia actually invaded. The nursery staff are no way going to abandon any children, have you a parent/friend nearby? Who is on the emergency pick up list for your child? Could you discuss your feelings with them and put a back up plan in place? They will hopefully make you feel more rational but also give you reassurance that they could help on the very, very slight chance that this happened? I bet GP's are seeing a massive rise in anxiety cases recently. I hope you manage to find a way to feel better

So glad to know I am not alone!

I am limiting my doom scrolling and have made sure our passports and paperwork are all in a grab bag. I like to think, similar to what PP has said, that if we felt the tide was turning, we would rinse our savings on flights to Australia where my husband is a citizen.

Oh, I miss worrying about Covid! :)

Does logic and practical information help?

Russia is a long way from the U.K. - to get here they need to March through many countries and they are struggling to move in Ukraine (logistics doesn't seem to be their strong point, they are bogged down in mud and running out of petrol apparently). It's quite a long flight too and most European countries have fast jets, we have them up all the time at the moment, no way is a Russian plane going to bomb the UK. The only possibility is nuclear and that would result in us obliterating Russia - do you really think they want that?

I know it's very worrying and my heart is breaking for the Ukrainian people but here in the U.K. you really are safe. This is my logical process, I'm no military strategist but I find that concentrating on likelihoods is far better for mental health that far fetched scenarios. The invasion of Ukraine is not a surprise if you are in military circles unfortunately.

Can only give you some relaxation tips. If you can take yourself off to the loo, or guarantee you’ll be undisturbed for a few minutes, close your eyes, breath in and then count down from 10, each number on an out breath. So in, out(10) in, out(9) etc.. If you can practice at home it works better. E.g. Lie on your bed, close your eyes, breath and count in your head as above and with each breath imagine a different part of your body relaxing.
You could try Rescue Remedy when you feel anxious.
As pps have said, we’d get notice of any attack, we have a large amount of anti missile resources and the chances of even Putin being mad enough to attack UK is small.

@gogohm

Does logic and practical information help?

Russia is a long way from the U.K. - to get here they need to March through many countries and they are struggling to move in Ukraine (logistics doesn't seem to be their strong point, they are bogged down in mud and running out of petrol apparently). It's quite a long flight too and most European countries have fast jets, we have them up all the time at the moment, no way is a Russian plane going to bomb the UK. The only possibility is nuclear and that would result in us obliterating Russia - do you really think they want that?

I know it's very worrying and my heart is breaking for the Ukrainian people but here in the U.K. you really are safe. This is my logical process, I'm no military strategist but I find that concentrating on likelihoods is far better for mental health that far fetched scenarios. The invasion of Ukraine is not a surprise if you are in military circles unfortunately.

THANK YOU. It really helps to read the practical perspective of the likely outcomes.

@Xpologog

Can only give you some relaxation tips. If you can take yourself off to the loo, or guarantee you’ll be undisturbed for a few minutes, close your eyes, breath in and then count down from 10, each number on an out breath. So in, out(10) in, out(9) etc.. If you can practice at home it works better. E.g. Lie on your bed, close your eyes, breath and count in your head as above and with each breath imagine a different part of your body relaxing. You could try Rescue Remedy when you feel anxious. As pps have said, we’d get notice of any attack, we have a large amount of anti missile resources and the chances of even Putin being mad enough to attack UK is small.

Thank you. I used to use the CALM app too, I may redownload.

My DD sometimes gets very anxious and said what works for her is to allow herself to spend a little time ‘wallowing’, asking ‘what if’ and taking sensible actions where the situation allows. After this point she is very strict with herself and will cut off her thought process when it starts going down that road and redirect her attention elsewhere. The first couple of days are the hardest.

I think we’re taught that suppressing thoughts and feelings is always wrong, but so long as you’ve given those thoughts and feelings sufficient airtime before muting them, it seems to work well (if you can manage to pull it off!)

Putin knows that NATO have enough weapons, including nuclear to completely wipe Russia off the face of the earth if he launched a nuclear attack. Even he's not that stupid, he's empire building after all and even if he was....he wouldn't be the actual one pushing the button.

In terms of practical things. 5 minutes of news on Ukraine a day and that is it. Donate money to reputable charities working on the ground if you can afford to. Remember that you worrying about it won't change the outcome.

@gogohm

Does logic and practical information help?

Russia is a long way from the U.K. - to get here they need to March through many countries and they are struggling to move in Ukraine (logistics doesn't seem to be their strong point, they are bogged down in mud and running out of petrol apparently). It's quite a long flight too and most European countries have fast jets, we have them up all the time at the moment, no way is a Russian plane going to bomb the UK. The only possibility is nuclear and that would result in us obliterating Russia - do you really think they want that?

I know it's very worrying and my heart is breaking for the Ukrainian people but here in the U.K. you really are safe. This is my logical process, I'm no military strategist but I find that concentrating on likelihoods is far better for mental health that far fetched scenarios. The invasion of Ukraine is not a surprise if you are in military circles unfortunately.

Sensible advice. Stop looking at MN posts about the war and avoid the news.

I had a wave of anxiety last week, especially when considering my children! What really helped me was to switch off from the news. There is a really lighthearted show on iPlayer called Starstruck which is such an easy and cheerful watch. I am also very busy at work, which really helps to focus my mind on other things.
I think a lot of people are feeling this

Things to remember (I found these helpful):

Air, land, sea invasion is currently impossible to Russia - they are struggling to occupy one neighbour, and certainly can't hold Ukraine if they manage to occupy it.

Putin is already scaling down his demand from 'all of Ukraine' to 'the already separated parts of Ukraine'... of course we can't trust his word, but the magnitude of his requests is diminishing.

'The West' have satellite visibility into nuclear deterrent sites - we would have pre warning before anything happened, this allows us to take required action.

Raising the nuclear deterrent readiness level to 2, is only stage 2 of 4 readiness levels. It has been at level 2 before, just not announced to the world.

Putin wants us to be scared of nuclear war he wants to make us afraid, to destabilize 'The West' and he knows that nuclear war is about the most terrifying thing in the world. It's propaganda.

It's gutting, the whole thing, the fact we basically have to let Ukraine be sacrificed while Putin runs out of money and friends.

I've felt very scared too, but right now, I hold on to the facts above, and I truly believe that as long as there isn't some sort of gross mistake or miscommunication - this will pass.

OP, I was where you were a week ago.

I thought I would lose my mind with anxiety and obsessive , intrusive thoughts.

I'm a lot better now, but still have a way to go. Here's what I did...

Came off all social media and only had Facebook for Neighbourhood and school purposes. I include this site ..DO NOT open any threads that are scaremongering. Limit your access to other forums.

Find websites that show good news only - get your scrolling fix from those.

Watch comfort TV programmes - Mine are Death in Paradise or Doc Martin. Find a good collection of something like this to stream. Pure escapism.

Really limit your news intake - I just half hear the 7.00 a.m. news, and watch Newsround with my child in the morning - that's it.

Look around you - is anyone else really worried? are people still going on holiday and making plans?

Don't be 'anxious about anxiety' - It just makes it worse. Accept it as a real feeling that shouldn't be denied.

Honestly, ignorance is bliss...don't feel guilty about avoiding all mentions of Ukraine whenever you can. Sounds like you have done what you can, you just need to enjoy the life you have and count your blessings.

OP having children really does ramp up the anxiety. My eldest is at school and the youngest at nursery. I work in the middle of both places and I have had the exact same thoughts about how I would get to them. It's horrible to have this worry after the 2 years we've all had.

I'd be really interested to know what good news sites there are please. I plan to delete the news sites now. I'm sure family and friends will be the first to tell me if things get worse.

Even in the worst, least likely possible scenario, there is no way childcare workers would abandon their charges. Wouldn’t happen. You don’t go into that career for the money or prestige. They do it because they love children.

If only the catastrophising part of your brain is in service, then play along with that and think about the disasters- all the school shootings, Dunblane, Aberfan…All those worst case scenarios where teachers and nursery workers put themselves between the children and danger.

More broadly, if things do start to escalate, we will know.

Last week I literally felt like I was having a break down !! When Putin upped his nuclear alert I was more than ready to flee the country with the kids !! Mine are secondary school age and if anything we’re to break out ( pray this doesn’t happen ) I rather my kids be with their friends who probably wouldn’t be worried and would probably be joking about it !! I was really worried my kids would be upset about all this but they haven’t really mentioned it !! I tend to turn the news off when they get home from school and keep things as normal as possible !! I heard something yesterday about liking for the moment as no one really knows what can happen in the future irrelevant of war!! This war could go on a long time so you need to try and switch off and limit alarming news headlines !!

CBT taught me about redirecting thoughts. It really works.

Try to identify when you get intrusive thoughts. What is your trigger? When you're listening to the news? Scrolling social media? When you stop to have a cuppa at work? When you're trying to get to sleep? If you can identify when you're most likely to allow intrusive thoughts in, then you can have some ideas up your sleeve to divert your thoughts immediately. E.g stop watching the news, leave your phone upstairs in the evenings so you aren't tempted to mindlessly scroll, when going for a break at work seek out a colleague for a chat or ring your DP to talk about something else, listen to an audiobook when falling asleep.

I sometimes panic about picking up the DC in the worst case scenario. And I’ve realised I couldn’t. I have 4 DC across 3 different schools so it wouldn’t be possible.

If I was at work I couldn’t just leave the patients just like the teachers couldn’t just abandon their charges.

You have absolutely no control over the situation so try to concentrate on what you can control and enjoy your DD. There are so many awful things that are much more likely to happen every day and we don’t spend hours catastrophising about them (thank goodness).

Firstly two very good friends of mine are nursery workers. No way would they abandon the children in their care. It’s a vocation, you’re certainly not in it for the cash!

It looks like there may be a bit of compromise between Zelensky and Putin today, given how appallingly Russia has done during this war there needs to be a climb down that doesn’t lose him too much face, this could be it.

There is zero chance of us being invaded by Russia, look how it’s worked in Ukraine?

I think the most likely scenario is that Putin loses his life.

Your daughter is at risk of a mother who is spiralling into mental illness, which will affect her childhood.

You can actually do something real about that.

Make an appointment at your GP , tell them what you posted above and ask what help is available locally. There is likely to be some voluntary support group; a "walking for health" group. Yoga or relaxation . Go to the library and borrow some self help books.

I try and 'manage' these thoughts by looking at how quickly I could get to her, to the point I have downloaded all of the e-scooter and electric bike apps and memorised the route.

I'm afraid that far from managing your thoughts, your " rescue plans" are actually feeding the fantasy scenario and deepening your anxiety. If you possibly can, make a different plan to rescue yourself; " Every time these bike thoughts come into my head; I am RIGHT AWAY going to distract myself like this;
(make up your own, something easy and immediate like>

pick up a favourite book and read it out ALOUD until I feel calmer
Walk to the end of the road and back.
Go outside and deep breathe fresh air while counting birds or passing cars.
Turn on favourite music and sing along.

     I know it's hard.   But  distraction  can help your mind get off that hamster wheel.

@OneTC

Every time you get the urge to watch the news put on murder she wrote instead and feel lucky you're not a friend of Jessica Fletcher

And if you're going to watch Murder She Wrote, Midsomer Murders etc you'll get a nice little warning of the possibility that you will see violence! Sherlock's working hard it seems.

@gogohm

Does logic and practical information help?

Russia is a long way from the U.K. - to get here they need to March through many countries and they are struggling to move in Ukraine (logistics doesn't seem to be their strong point, they are bogged down in mud and running out of petrol apparently). It's quite a long flight too and most European countries have fast jets, we have them up all the time at the moment, no way is a Russian plane going to bomb the UK. The only possibility is nuclear and that would result in us obliterating Russia - do you really think they want that?

I know it's very worrying and my heart is breaking for the Ukrainian people but here in the U.K. you really are safe. This is my logical process, I'm no military strategist but I find that concentrating on likelihoods is far better for mental health that far fetched scenarios. The invasion of Ukraine is not a surprise if you are in military circles unfortunately.

They do indeed need to get through a lot of countries first but at the height of the Cold War in the 80s the official estimate was 4 days for them to get to the Belgian coast! We all had the evacuation procedures in our sideboards, thought no more about it, this was in Germany with the military.