To not tell in laws when baby is coming and....

[1namechanged]

We already have 2 DC, MIL & FIL hardly bother with them. Last time they came was October I think neither work or have any responsibilities. Don't ring or text asking about them at all.

It was recently my birthday and they didn't even text so I know MIL is in a mood with us as FIL has never missed a birthday text in 7 years and she pulls the strings when she is around.

AIBU to not tell them when DC3 is going to be born / tell them when I'm ready? (Planned c-section)

Also what does everyone think about them coming round to see the baby? My opinion is if they can't bother with the 2 we already have why do they need to cuddle the baby

@AnnesBrokenSlate all I said to my dad was that he needed to come more regularly maybe once a month he chose to come weekly, like iv said iv never stopped anyone coming to see the DC just asked for them to tell us before hand.

Can't you see that is still controlling? Why do you have an expectation that GPs should visit every month? I've genuinely never met anyone who thought that was the case or who would ask it of their parents or ILs. I don't know anyone whose GPs did this and I know lots of big, close families.
I do know people who regularly visited their GPs because the onus was on the younger generation to visit the older one. But, again, no expectation or definition of 'regular'.

@AnnesBrokenSlate because my child gets upset when people come in and out of their life due to Autism would you like to know anything else?

@Eightiesfan oh they definitely won't be visiting for a few days / until I'm ready and if they do decide to they won't be holding the baby! I'll be in bed recovering with my boobs out trying to get to grips with breastfeeding after being cut open!

I have trauma for DC1 after MIL over stayed her welcome and wouldn't give the baby back I cried in the bathroom until DH found me and shipped her off! Never ever again.

You sound awfully dramatic OP. Bloody hard work too. Can’t believe you bullied your Dad into visiting every week. I tend to think it’s you that the in-laws are avoiding, not the grandchildren.

If they don't care why does it matter when they know? You might as well tell them.

@PinkSyCo yes I bullied a grown man into it

@SleeplessInEngland they don't care but if we don't tell MIL when she feels she should have been told she will have a huge row with DH and probably stop speaking to us for 2 years meaning FIL won't be allowed round either, although they are divorced she still tells him what to do.

Grown men aren’t immune to emotional blackmail you know @1namechanged.

@PinkSyCo yes I bullied a grown man into itconfused

@PinkSyCo well luckily for my dad he has no emotions so would be pretty impossible