to feel angry and upset over a charity Chritsmas Box being sent to kids who are NOT needy...

[PrincessSnowLife]

As some of you may know, I am british and live in Bosnia.

My DS (4) just came home from school today beaming because he'd been given a big box of presents. All the kids had been given one. Lovely thought. On closer inspection though I have found that this is a Christmas box sent out by a certain christian charity in the UK. Now, I have nothing against these boxes, I think they are a very kind of people and a great way of getting kids to think of others in less fortunate positions...

HOWEVER I feel extremely uncomfortable with this gesture for the following reasons:

• the nursery school is a private one, and knowing the parents that send their kids there, the families are far from needy, and are in fact quite well off. These kids definitely don't fit the criteria being described on the charity's website.

• the content was very thoughtful (pens, sweets, soap, craft stuff, a cuddly toy, even a roll of blank paper to draw on) but nothing that kids here, even those with less well-off families, couldn't get hold of cheaply... Kids here, rich or poor, are spolit (in the nicest sense of the word) and don't really lack stuff like this. I know that this is just a matter of someone in the charity not knowing the reality of a country like this, of the availability and pricing of children's things, but it makes me feel very bad for the child that sent it.

• ironically, the label on the box is bilingual (welsh english) suggesting it was sent by a child in wales... which is where I am from... she may even be from the same town for all I know... which would make it ever so sad and ironic. There is a photo of the little girl in the box, with her name and age on the back, and I feel really really upset on her behalf that all the effort she has gone to has been misplaced.

• some of the content was definitely Christmas-ey... and sent to a school where probably 90% are muslim. This is not a country/area where anybody would be angry about this, or even slightly annoyed, but it was a bit careless of the ditributor(s), I think.

I am assuming that there is a communication or corruption problem somewhere along the route between the christmas box drop-off centre and the final destination. There are needy kids in Bosnia, war orphans for example, but it is not a desperately poor country like many others in the world... and the war ended 13 years ago, life is peaceful, normal, and despite the usual everyday whinging about the price of bread or whatever, it is really not a poor or difficult country to live in (scuse the grammar...got to post this quickly before going off to work ).

As an immediate thought, we want to send something nice to the little girl in the photo or offer to help the school send a thank you to all the kids over there that sent these things. Sadly, not sure if the charity will give us the details though since it could highlight a mistake.

We are definitely not going to keep the gifts. We will find a way of passing them on to kids that need them more than our DS, or who at least got fewer presents than he did for Eid/XMas!! (the grandparents visited and he got thoroughly spolit!!).

I also really think the charity should be told where these boxes end up. Hopefully this is the only batch that didn't reach needy children.

Oh, and this is not because my son has received charity (although I can imagine that some of the other parents will be mightily miffed by that!).

Ah. Rant over. Thanks for following. So AIBU? I feel so angry for the little girl.

Your original post, PrincessSnowLife, asked if you were being unreasonable to be angry with the charity for giving a box to your child. You clearly are angry and yes, I think you're being unreasonable to expect 100% perfection. I'm also surprised that Jesus in a manger is put in with Christmas trees and the like - not what I asked and it is a bit strange that I can't get a straightforward reply.

I am concerned that your post will be seized on - and misrepresented - by those who like to discourage any charitable inclination. So it was encouraging to hear than the boxes did not contain any religious material - as has been stated on mumsnet in the past and again in this thread - and were simply gifts.

Originally you said that it wouldn't cause a problem receiving Christmassey items, but now you're saying that it isn't acceptable. If it is a problem then either the instructions on completing the boxes need to be more explicit or they need to arrive in time for a different festival. But the gifts are given in a spirit of generosity at a time of a Christian festival. If that is really a problem for recipients then perhaps it needs to be clear what they are so the recipient can decide whether to refuse them? I'm surprised that your school accepted them if it is such a problem - perhaps you need to investigate what they were told?

So I am guessing that you are ever so angry with me for talking about this on mn

I did say originally that 'this is not a country/area where anybody would be angry about this, or even slightly annoyed' at receiving christmassey items. And in my last post I said that 'it would not be the done thing (i.e. understood or appreciated)' to cross the clearly-defined religious boundaries. I didn't say that it would not be acceptable. I think this is a matter of these charities collating local knowledge and understanding how people in the receiving countries interpret anything surrounding a christian festival. The gestures are lovely, regardless of the time of year.

I haven't brought this up with the school. It was a nice day for the kids and at the moment I don't know what would be achieved by discussing the charity's description of the target recipient with them. It might upset people unecessarily. I will bear your idea in mind though.

I think that because we are not able to talk face to face about this, that we are not understanding each other clearly and possibly winding each other up over the wrong things. I don't think I am being 'strange' for not wanting to give the details of the content (for the reason already given). If it means a lot to you I would gladly tell you if you cat me, no probs.

Just as an update for those who asked for it back in January - I still have not had any feedback on this. I've emailed them twice to ask if the person with all the answers was back from his trip abroad but so far he isn't. I guess the trip became a lot longer than expected...

I think that as these boxes are being sent from this country then it's normal to expect christmas type things in them. If they were being sent from a muslim country here with muslim literature etc - I don't think anyone would be offended really. These items can always be removed by the parents and it's the thought that counts etc. I'm not religious but I don't mind christian literature being sent to countries in this manner - again families can always remove these items. I am concerned however that these boxes aren't getting to the right children. I think your post highlighting this was a good idea. I have 3 children and do a box for each of them every year and have always been surprised by how few at our school do them - we're up to our eyeballs in debt and finding the money to make up 3 boxes usually costs about £10-£15 for all of them with new items - an expense that as far as I was concerned was reasonable if going to a really needy child. This has now knocked my faith in that - probably better to just continue with sponsoring a guide dog or something. It's a shame that this happens - even allowing for mistakes to happen the question is just exactly how many boxes are getting to the real needy???

Just give them money instead.

Thankfully, Dd's school doesn't do a box.

Instead, people bring an item for a big hamper and buy raffle tickets for it and the money goes to charity.

Over half a year later and they have replied. They gave me the name and phone number of the local distributor and have told me that this case will be used in future training situations.

Not sure if I will contact the distributor. It's a small town so I could start by asking people what they know of this chap (so I know how to approach him if at all) and take it from there.

I've probably done enough by informing the charity, right?

Done enough? I expect they are glad to read your post that the school is 90% Muslim, all the better to reap their eternal harvest

Wisteria, without funds for transport how do you think the boxes get there, grow their own wings and fly to Bosnia ?

Hi everyone! For me doing a shoebox with my kids has been hugely rewarding as it gave me an opportunity to explain how well off they are compared to kids in poor countries. Sure I could have just sent money but my kids wouldn't have had so much fun choosing presents for their 'child'! I heard some schools were cancelling shoeboxes this year. That's sad isn't it, I guess loads of kids who have nothing won't miss the shoeboxes but people have lost the opportunity to show them we care

?? You really think it's sadder for your children to not be able to pick out some minor presents than for the poor kids that just won't get anything?

HOw the heck did this ancient thread get resurrected?

Is there an adress where such things can be sent? I personally would like to help and dd is a bit spoilt so it might be a GOOD thing to thinkabout others before Xmas etc

another resurrected thread

you mean someone is shitstirring!