Leaving kids alone

[Tictocrobot]

Person A gets up early with kids and dog.

Person B fast asleep.

Person A takes dog for a walk (doesn’t disturb Person B) and leaves kids (4 and 7) watching TV.

Person B furious. Person A of the opinion that it’s no different to the kids going downstairs alone if we’re both asleep in the morning.

Who is unreasonable?

If B is so worried they can get up early.

Just to answer a few Qs - B is me, I don’t normally sleep in (normally do all the jobs 😂) but he was doing me a favour this morning, they don’t normally watch tv while we’re asleep - at least one of us is awake even we stay if upstairs.
Small drip feed - eldest is autistic and has no impulse control.

Anyway, after him saying I was totally unreasonable earlier, we had a better conversation about it and he’ll let me know next time

@OfstedOffred

Are you never allowed a lie in if you have children and a dog?

Probably not, in reality.

If you have young children (4 & 7 is a bit borderline though, 7 fine, 4 really depends on the 4 yo) and you know the dog needs walking first thing, unless the children routinely like a freezing walk at 7am, the other party needs to expect to get up and supervise the kids.

That's bonkers. I have a baby, a toddler and a dog. It's very easy to manage all 3. Get up, have breakfast, everyone gets dressed and out for a walk.

A is totally unreasonable and I suspect as you revealed yourself to be B then you'll be told it's you who is unreasonable.

I'd be furious if my DH did this, what if one of them choked, found matches, turned on the stove, blind cords etc etc. It's as good as them being home alone.

@Tictocrobot that's a pretty major drip feed! But still, I think it's probably a good chance for the kids to learn a bit of independence and grow in confidence in being out of eyeline of a parent.

I knew person A would be a bloke. I would be furious. You thought he was looking after your children. He wasn't.

Massive drip feed OP. He should clearly have woken you up.

DH has nipped out to the corner shop to buy milk while I've been in the shower and I was really quite cross that he hadn't told me. DS (then 4) was downstairs alone. Fair enough it was about 5 mins in total but I would have preferred to know!

Person A should tap and let person B know that they are going out. So they are aware that the children are alone downstairs.

I was fine with this scenario until you said eldest has no impulse control. You know your dc best and its obviously not safe.

@Superhanz

A is totally unreasonable and I suspect as you revealed yourself to be B then you'll be told it's you who is unreasonable.

I'd be furious if my DH did this, what if one of them choked, found matches, turned on the stove, blind cords etc etc. It's as good as them being home alone.

4 and 7 year olds are school age, unless there is SEN then they know by that age not to play with matches or turn on the stove.

@Waxonwaxoff0 the 7 year old is autistic

We actively encourage our kids, 6 and 4, to get up by themselves at the weekends, get themselves breakfast and play together. Doesn't often work, though.

Mine would be absolutely fine alone with a sleeping adult, especially if they were watching TV. Not likely they'd leave the sleeping parent to sleep, though, they'd be in and out to ask questions or complain about each other.

In our family, B would be unreasonable. A would just say 'your mother/father is upstairs if you need anything' and the kids would be fine. But you know your children better than I do and if you think they are likely to do something stupid if someone isn't actively watching them then it's a different situation!

@HorseInTheHouse

We actively encourage our kids, 6 and 4, to get up by themselves at the weekends, get themselves breakfast and play together. Doesn't often work, though.

Mine would be absolutely fine alone with a sleeping adult, especially if they were watching TV. Not likely they'd leave the sleeping parent to sleep, though, they'd be in and out to ask questions or complain about each other.

In our family, B would be unreasonable. A would just say 'your mother/father is upstairs if you need anything' and the kids would be fine. But you know your children better than I do and if you think they are likely to do something stupid if someone isn't actively watching them then it's a different situation!

THE OP'S ELDEST CHILD IS AUTISTIC AND HAS NO IMPULSE CONTROL

What does person B think single parents do? They have to sleep sometimes

B (so you) is unreasonable.

You are still there, just upstairs asleep

My two were allowed down from the age of 4, knowing that I was upstairs asleep if they needed me.

4 and 7 year olds are school age, unless there is SEN then they know by that age not to play with matches or turn on the stove.

Just because NT kids know it's a bad thing to do, doesn't mean they won't do it. I was around 7 or 8 playing with matches with my little brother when my mum fell asleep on the sofa once. Luckily no massive fire, but some of the soft toys had some burn marks forevermore.

Sometimes the lure of the activity is "getting away with doing something naughty".

@Soubriquet

B (so you) is unreasonable.

You are still there, just upstairs asleep

My two were allowed down from the age of 4, knowing that I was upstairs asleep if they needed me.

Why don't you and @RedHelenB read all the OP's posts? There's only 3 of them

I GOT THAT, THANKS.

It would depend what impulses the child gets, wouldn't it? When my children are watching TV, their only impulse is to keep watching TV. Which is one of the reasons they aren't allowed to watch TV outside specific times, because they have no ability to regulate it and would never switch it off or leave to do something else, but that's another thing that won't apply to all children.

I said that the situation depends on whether the children are likely to do something stupid and that what was true for our family wouldn't necessarily be true for OP's and she knows best. What's the problem?

B is unreasonable. There's an adult upstairs and the eldest is 7. What's the problem?

B is unreasonable. Even with the drip feed. Unless there is an adult in the room with the autistic child at all times usually but that seems unlikely. Both parents are asleep at night presumably. And one parent looking after the DC alone must go to the loo or shower or out to the garage etc?

My DH gets up every morning and goes for a run with the dog. I'm never ever awake as I hate early starts. If he woke me to tell me he was going that would be the end of the lie in. If the kids are up before he goes he turns TV on for them. If they're not then they know where I am.

If I were B I'd be grateful.

In our chance, my kids would have come and woken me up the second their dad left the house! Neither of us have gone out long in similar circumstances but there are times we will pop to the local corner shop. We usually tell the other parent and nine times out of ten, DC go upstairs looking for the sleeping parent anyway.

@CarbonelCat

B is unreasonable. Even with the drip feed. Unless there is an adult in the room with the autistic child at all times usually but that seems unlikely. Both parents are asleep at night presumably. And one parent looking after the DC alone must go to the loo or shower or out to the garage etc?

My DH gets up every morning and goes for a run with the dog. I'm never ever awake as I hate early starts. If he woke me to tell me he was going that would be the end of the lie in. If the kids are up before he goes he turns TV on for them. If they're not then they know where I am.

If I were B I'd be grateful.

This 100%

B should be out of bed looking after her kids!!

Person A of the opinion that it’s no different to the kids going downstairs alone if we’re both asleep in the morning.

Genuine question, how is it different?

The autism is a bit irrelevant because it sounds like it's normal in your house for kids to be downstairs alone while parents are sleeping. So why is it ok for them to be downstairs alone with both parents sleeping but not with one parent sleeping?