Horrible, nasty local politics - help!

[Needathickskin]

Name changed for this, but long-standing member.
Am awake in bed feeling v anxious. Am currently a councillor in local politics but the nastiness and toxicity is really getting to me.
I came into this with good intentions and have achieved a lot but I'm finding it really, really hard to cope with the nastiness from local people, anger about decisions over which I have no control.
It's deeply personal and all expressed on local social media, so hard to ignore.
I feel such a fool - I've been really helpful to some people in particular, only to discover this weekend that they've said the most awful things about me.
Feel such a fool: I'm straightforward, have tried to do things with a positive, can do attitude, but this is really damaging my mental health.

Ask Jackie Weaver

I genuinely don't know how genuine well-intentioned politicians do their job. So many people consider it acceptable to treat them with contempt, it's appalling.

Fuck em. Leave them to it and look after yourself.

I have huge sympathy fo you. A friend was a councillor in the 90s, long before social media and it was a miserable job. People used to accuse her for being in it for the money. Bonkers.

I get mad when I hear politicians being abused on MN. Most are just ordinary people trying to do a good job but they're spoken about like they're a piece of crap and called vile names. And then suddenly one is murdered and people have lovely things to say about them. So basically, to get respect be murdered. And it's only going to get worse as SM has no idea of proportionality. We're going to end up with no one who wants to do these jobs. We need people like you.

Oh and you're not a fool. You're a hard-working, conscientious, civic-minded person and we need more like you. Don't let any rude and bad-minded person undermine your sense of self-worth. Tossers.

It's got nastier in recent years. Social media hasn't helped as keyboard warriors find it easy to criticise. Not surprising they don't stand for election themselves. I couldn't do it now, I'm far too sensitive. If you feel strong enough to cope with the unpleasantness, continue. If not, you've tried, and retire gracefully at the next election. My DH gave up being a councillor three years ago and is so much happier.

If you think being a councillor is bad try working in local government interviewing members of the public ! Sorry to sound unsympathetic, but I would get shouted at by customers, because I had to follow the legislation and policy of the local authority, and would then get a councillor phoning me asking why I couldn't make a different decision. I was convinced that some of them didn't have a clue about either the law I had to follow or the policy that they had actually had a hand in.
BTW, yes I do have sympathy for you, but I am afraid that is the nature of dealing with people who often think that you, as an individual, can do exactly what they want despite law/policy saying otherwise. After 35 years of it I took early retirement.

Take leave or resign, explaining the reasons,
If your mental health is suffering you need to step away.

I don't know how people do those jobs. I've found most organisations with committees are toxic. I used to be an area manager overseeing a north of England service that consisted of committee members and they were bloody toxic!

Thank you. At the risk of sounding totally naive, I came to this role with substantial commercial experience elsewhere and have raised a lot of external funding for the local community. All good, hands on stuff - or so I thought.
The toxicity and unpleasantness of this environment has been relentless. I am totally unsuited to committee led work. It's utterly hopeless.

Can you filter stuff so you don't see it - ie have a staff member who filters emails

No role is worth this OP. Leave. Don't be tempted to stay thinking there's some duty to do so, or that you don't want to be pushed out...... just leave. Stress like this will make you ill. Xxx

Hi, this is sadly not a rare experience. The amount of abuse is more for women, and more again for people of colour. Diane Abbott, whatever anyone thinks of her politics, gets a disgraceful number of death threats. I don't understand how she still functions.

I would suggest you speak to people both in your party and your council. There are options to report people who are over the line into either defamation or threats.

You do not need to continue. You can resign mid-term if you choose. Do not allow yourself to be bullied by your group leader etc into putting up with this if you get no support. A lot of white men in politics minimise it - because it happens to them less.

My ex P was county and town councillor and the abuse that he got was unbelievable.

I also got attacked on fb and abused as well.

People are cunts. It won't get better. Either grow a really thick skin or leave.

Also remember you can usually send a sub for meetings. What committees are you on? Some are far worse for attracting vitriol due to the public interest in the decisions, and the fact many members of the public are living in a dream world about the reality of the pressure councils are under.

You could ask for a transfer to a less prominent committee.

Find another job - nothing is worth that amount of shit!

@loislovesstewie

"If you think being a councillor is bad try working in local government interviewing members of the public ! "

Difference is people working in local government are paid, people on local or parish councils are not.

What @loislovesstewie said.

Working in local government is not for the faint hearted. In some peoples minds, the payment of council tax equates to 'ownership' and entitlement to services. Few people realise that generally 60% of their council tax £1 goes into adult and children's social care and everyone else as to share the rest. "Why aren't all the pot holes in my road filled!! "

I keep my engagement with the general public and cllrs as low as possible nowadays after a particularly traumatic resident meeting where the level of vitriol was unbearable and I left in tears. Never again.

I'd encourage you to engage directly with officers in the departments and don't go straight to the directors or ask for 'one off exceptions' it really does you no favours. Make contacts in department and learn your services - knowing the whys and wares of the policy's within will help, it's not always a case of money informing deductions. You'll feel better informed and able to give more robust answers with confidence... but yes. You do have to learn to say no and grow a thicker skin

*money informing decisions

No good deed goes unrewarded. You need to develop a very thick skin.

No, councillors are not paid, however they do get allowances which reimburse them for their time etc. Cabinet members get more. And, no matter what I was paid, I don't think it should have meant that members of the public had the right to spit at me, or throw items or make threats to kill.

DH is a parish councillor, albeit not for much longer due to reasons exactly as you describe. There are some truly toxic locals getting drunk on their own power (such as it is a district/parish council level 🙄) who either like to watch the world burn or just can’t stand anyone else doing anything that they see as theirs.

Get out, and let people know why.

We were talking about this on Saturday night when friends were saying how lying and deceitful Boris is.
My thinking is that anyone intelligent, hardworking and wanting to do good in the country, along with also having leadership skills wouldn’t want to work in politics.
We have the politicians we deserve.

I had to re-read your posts to see how you write, a good friend of mine is a local councillor and I suspected you were her, she says exactly the same! You have my sympathies.

My husband was in politics and I used to be active but social media was just awful and that was several years ago now. It's got so much worse since then. We'd never go back.

People forget politicians and their families are real people.

You have my sympathies, OP. I had a torrid time many years ago when I was Chair of Governors at a primary school. The headteacher and the LEA made some unpopular decisions. I was the one who got it in the neck. It was awful and totally put me off getting involved in anything of a similar nature ever again. I'm not thickskinned enough. Sadly, many of those who are thickskinned are also not the ideal people to take on leadership roles, as we see at a high level in all the main UK political parties.