Horrible, nasty local politics - help!

[Needathickskin]

Name changed for this, but long-standing member.
Am awake in bed feeling v anxious. Am currently a councillor in local politics but the nastiness and toxicity is really getting to me.
I came into this with good intentions and have achieved a lot but I'm finding it really, really hard to cope with the nastiness from local people, anger about decisions over which I have no control.
It's deeply personal and all expressed on local social media, so hard to ignore.
I feel such a fool - I've been really helpful to some people in particular, only to discover this weekend that they've said the most awful things about me.
Feel such a fool: I'm straightforward, have tried to do things with a positive, can do attitude, but this is really damaging my mental health.

Hello everyone. SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. if you want a public role you need to accept this from the outset and accept it for what it is, in this case, an anonymous outlet for the ignorant and cowardly to vent their spleen. If you are going to take all the venom personally then resign. It's not worth damaging your mental health for such people.

That's a shame. Are you in a political party? They should offer support for how to engage with social media and handle abuse.

Otherwise the local government association has info and advice also.

There's an organisation that runs specific courses for women but I can't remember it - will try and find it later.

What level are we talking? Parish is harder than Borough/county IMO, because you live among the people who you represent. I know you do at Borough and County too, but Parish is so much more local. And has limited power to affect potholes, and is the first port of call for dissatisfaction!

And no renumeration at all!

I have a threshold beyond which I simply no longer care about that resident or their opinion. I go out of my way to help everyone, up to the point where they've been thoroughly unreasonable and nasty, and at that point I tune them out. They put themselves beneath notice.

Two things to remember- you don't care if you get voted out because there's no loss for you. Some other muffins can do it. There's unlikely to be another mugging who's prepared to do it!

I hear you OP. It's awful, I'm sorry.

I used to spend a lot of time with my MP in my old hometown, doing little bits and pieces of voluntary work and in return he gave me as much experience and help as he could, he was hoping to help me become an MP myself someday. I just don't want to anymore. I'm in a different town now anyway which isn't as much of a (enter party here) stronghold as the previous one but even so it's just so nasty. They're wanting me to stand as councillor but I don't think I can.

Perhaps you can use your experience to do something else like trustee or chair of a local organisation/charity.

This is exactly why I stopped being a councillor and stopped engaging with local politics at all. I worked hard, I did my best, I helped people and got ripped to shreds by people who refused to understand the limits of my role.

I understand the point about working in local government but please remember you need to know your role and oversight of your department. I was given one workshop on the workings of the entire local authority and officers then expected me to know the rules and regulations around every single department and service.

And no, there was no 'sub' or 'staff' or even an office, just one group room with 10 computers for 60 councillors and a personal laptop. No support, all run for the convenience of retired men with no caring responsibilities, eg meetings scheduled for 2 hours running on for 6, yes really, then all the real decisions taken in the pub before/after.

Utterly utterly depressing and toxic.

Not local government.... but even worse ! Joking

Allotment committee!!!!!

Well the way we are treated by some of the allotments plot holders you would think this was life or death! We have been accused of all sorts and I genuinely believe they think we get paid to do the job .

I know it's not really the same OP and I wouldn't do your role ... but I have some empathy

I was Chair of our local Pre school when DD was tiny. It was bloody awful and I ended up resigning and changing pre schools after too many personal attacks.
I resisted doing anything similar for over 10 years until I ended up involved with The PTA. I was very wary of it but it was actually great and I met a lovely bunch of people. Any nonsense was shut down very quickly by The Head (not that there was too much). The school is near a big town though so quite mixed and not too insular whereas the PS was in a posh village of that was what made the difference

I think people who behave so unpleasantly, do so because they have a skewed idea that those who put themselves forward for public office of any type, are do gooders who deserve it. Maybe they can’t accept that anyone might be doing the role because they want to make a difference.

At a very minor level, I’m about to resign from a residents management committee, because of the verbal abuse from people who simply can’t understand that the committee is only attempting to enforce what all residents signed up to when they moved. Except they don’t think it applies to them. It’s a thankless task and you have to consider whether you wish to expend more time energy and money on people who are critical, but won’t do anything themselves.

I’ve experienced harassment about parking and planning permission whilst on a residents association. The harassment was from one retired male academic professor who wanted to dictate policy from the outside without taking personal responsibility by joining the community association and I think a massive amount of misogyny was involved.

Apart from that it was mostly very rewarding, helping old people fill out council forms and ensuring bin collection etc. It was unpaid but took up several hours a week.
I eventually resigned when I received and a cleverly written but hectoring email from this man on a bank holiday evening demanding an immediate response. I told him I could no longer communicate with him and resigned on the spot. If there had been some sort of reporting structure available about members of the public and help to deal with it I would probably still be there.
I think where these volunteer community roles in local government fail is that they generally come without a job description, it’s up to the individual to do as much as they can. With a job description and a reporting structure for abuse I think councillors and others volunteer rolls could be made easier. With a specific job description you can point out the extent and limitations of the role.
I am now happily volunteering with a completely different members only group which is far more civilised as random members of public don’t phone me up to main about parking and road closures.

You have my sympathy OP public service is very hard, and at the community level it is unpaid. I don’t think people realise that you are either unpaid or getting expenses only.

@Fairyliz

We were talking about this on Saturday night when friends were saying how lying and deceitful Boris is. My thinking is that anyone intelligent, hardworking and wanting to do good in the country, along with also having leadership skills wouldn’t want to work in politics. We have the politicians we deserve.

In contrast Mark Drakeford is honest, decent and principled but he gets enormous flak. If he was a womanising entitled old Etonian he’d probably be much more popular.

I was a parish councillor and eventually chair, for a number of years. It was thankless and we didn’t get paid either !

glitchcharity.co.uk/resources/

This is the organisation I mentioned that campaigns against online abuse.

I have been on multiple committees they are hell. Only good one had a very strong chair who shut down any nonsense before it started. Zero tolerance. That committee worked like a dream for years and then she left. Nutters took over. Drama every second minute in meetings and social media and it dissolved into chaos. I left. It's why so many sociopaths and narcissists dominate public life. Hide as thick as a rhinos and they piss all the decent hard working people off.

OP , you have my sympathy. I am also a local Councillor, and I have had my share of toxicity too. Also had a death threat which the local police took very seriously thankfully and am still waiting for the court case. I get a Councillor allowance, but worked out, its less than minimum wage. So being in it for the money is a complete joke!
It's also really helpful to speak to other Councillors about how they deal with it. You aren't alone.
I have worked in Local government so I already knew how it worked, but bear in mind people just want to be angry at someone, and you are local so it's your fault. 🙄, try not to take it personally.
Sadly not everyone is going to like you, or will vote for you, some will hate you and your party, sadly its life. Focus on the people you have helped. You will have made a difference to some people's lives, so focus on the good and remember you are never going to please everyone.
Social media can be toxic. I have had everything from my massive expense account , ( my expenses are very low and can be verified on my Council website), taking brown envelopes ( never been offered one, and would report it if I did), blah blah. I pretty much ignore it now. Don't engage with these people. Half don't understand how it works.
I am standing again as a Councillor ( must be mad), because despite it, I really enjoy it, but I can understand why people only want to do one term.

I served assorted committees/associations over the years, all except one were vehicles for ego-boosting people apparently lacking validation in other areas of their lives. Like the previous poster, one was saved by a strong Chair who had no time for nonsense and time wasters and could rip through an agenda, meeting closed, in the time it took the rest of them to argue about the tea and biscuits. Loved working with him. He went on to become a local councillor, then an MP. One of the good ones.

Local/community politics really bring out the worst in a lot of people. IME you need a thick skin, someone to vent to, and to really know your stuff so you can slap down criticism - whilst bearing in mind that sometimes the best response is not to reply at all. It also helps to find ways that you can help nice people who really need support. They are out there, so don't waste all your energy on stress and conflict with the entitled arsehole brigade.

OP, my MIL was a councillor for decades. In her 70s she was attempting to challenge corruption going on.
She got followed into the car park late at night and threatened.
Like someone else said, not for the faint hearted.

It sounds like the environment is too toxic for you to achieve what you want to.

Does your local authority or political group offer a Member wellbeing support service? LGA/CFGS often offer support and resilience training as well.

But if it's effecting you that badly then resign. The workload is thankless, enormous and you do need an very thick skin. That can be harder to bare if you are drained.