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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Vasectomy support

41 replies

Smidz · 06/03/2022 22:37

Hi all, my partner had vasectomy last week and he’s been home and resting since. He’s had quite a lot of pain and discomfort from the off and he’s had bleeding and bruising. Anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you support your partner (and for how long) post op? He’s asking me to WFH whilst he’s recuperating (and for emotional support as we made the choice together) and just wondering if I’m doing enough or being unreasonable.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 06/03/2022 22:47

My dh was back at work after the weekend off - op was on the Friday. He was tender but not incapacitated

Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2022 22:49

He’s asking me to WFH whilst he’s recuperating (and for emotional support as we made the choice together) and just wondering if I’m doing enough or being unreasonable.

He's being ridiculous. Get back to work, he'll be fine.

MinimumChips · 06/03/2022 22:50

My dh took a bit longer than they said to recover - it was probably a week until the swelling resolved. I did as much as possible in the days immediately afterwards and he just used ice and rest. He still felt slight discomfort for quite some time (as in, a few months of it feeling different) but nothing major, just noticeable. That was four years ago and it’s the best thing we ever did!

Bywayofanupdate · 06/03/2022 22:50

My husband worked from home the afternoon after his vasectomy that morning. He was back in the office the next day. I'm not saying he was comfortable, but he was able to work.

How much emotional and physical support did your his and give you after having the children?

Babadook76 · 06/03/2022 22:52

Emotional support? 😂 was it not his choice to get it done? My oh was back at work the next day, albeit on light duties for the first couple of days. By the end of the week he was back constructing a 700ft thermal tower on a nuclear power station. Do you think your oh is milking it a bit?

GabriellaMontez · 06/03/2022 22:52

Do you mean it's still actively bleeding?
Because I wouldn't expect that.

minimadgirl · 06/03/2022 22:52

My partner had it done this Monday just gone, was back to work Wednesday. He would have gone back to work Tuesday if I had let him .
He's still in discomfort but has been sat quite happily under our classic car this weekend so it can't be that bad.

AskingforaBaskin · 06/03/2022 22:53

A small percentage of men do unfortunately suffer long term and permanent damage due to the surgery.
I came across a support board on Reddit for it.
It's destroyed some mens lives which is horrific.

Has he spoken to the Doctor?

BIWI · 06/03/2022 22:55

Ah bless!

Has he been taking the painkillers, as he would have advised to do, when he was discharged?

How does he think it compares to childbirth?!

BulletTrain · 06/03/2022 22:55

Erm... well, I checked the wound for him but it was just a little hole by about day 3. He should get it checked if it's still bleeding and hurting. I'm not sure that requires any more support than a lift to the GP though!

Hankunamatata · 06/03/2022 22:55

😂 Dh was back driving next day. He took painkillers and got on with it.

scaevola · 06/03/2022 22:57

He needs to talk to the GP if there is still bleeding thus long after the procedure.

Yes, many men are fine quickly after vasectomy, but a proportion aren't.

How do you like to be treated when you are incapacitated, maybe in pain? Do that for him.

Most post-vasectomy complications resolve spontaneously within 3 months. Some require further medical information, which is why he needs a convo with GP

Wond3rment · 06/03/2022 22:58

That sounds untypical OP.

Like others, DH was back to work the following day, albeit he had bruising and didn’t play sport that week.

Does he have a generally low pain threshold? When was he bleeding? Was it fresh bleeding or did he wash off some dried blood from the procedure and think it was fresh perhaps? Bruising is quite normal, is his excessive? He may need to speak with the clinic he attended as I don’t think his is the typical experience.

Katie2017 · 06/03/2022 22:59

@Babadook76

Men really can't win can they-constantly being told to take responsibility and get a vasectomy then when they do it's well "was it not his choice?" and wanting emotional support is apparently hilarious? Only bloke I know who had a vasectomy got a really bad infection from it-2 of his mates were down to get it done and cancelled the op after all the trouble he had.

Just because your OH was ok doesn't mean all men are-reminds me a bit of the cervical tests and the dismissive "it doesn't hurt" (which quite rightly didn't go down well) whilst for some women it actually does.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 06/03/2022 23:01

I thought from your title you were enquiring about some king of ball bag holder.

I hope he is feeling better soon, but emotional support seems a bit excessive

Jonny1265 · 06/03/2022 23:13

My vasectomy didn't quite go to plan and I was in pain for several months and felt discomfort when ejaculating for around 3 yrs. I didn't expect my wife to support me though other than be aware that I wouldn't be pulling my weight for a bit until I was recovered.

Readyforspring · 06/03/2022 23:13

Dh had his done on a Monday 5pm. Back to work Tuesday lighter duties for 2 days. He got bored and did normal role. Inc lifting bending etc. Despite it being black and blue swollen and painful. He just would go insane being at home knowing id make him rest.

Readyforspring · 06/03/2022 23:16

I will say dh was in pain and swollen for aboit 3 weeks though but prob because he returned to his normal work role too early. But that was his choice.

Babadook76 · 07/03/2022 11:56

@Katie2017 oh stop making things up that no one’s even said. A vasectomy is a minor procedure that generally has a very short recovery rate. Statistically even ingrown toenail surgery is far more painful with a much longer recovery rate, you wouldn’t be making your partner take a couple weeks off work for that though. If the op’s oh is genuinely so emotionally fragile, and in so much pain, that after a full week not only is he not back in work but he expects his wife to stay home to take care of him, then he definitely needs professional help. Ladies cervical smears and contraception responsibility etc are different topics to the recovery rate of getting snipped 🙄

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/03/2022 11:58

My DH was back at work 2 days later.

buzzandwoodyallday · 07/03/2022 16:35

He’s asking me to WFH whilst he’s recuperating (and for emotional support as we made the choice together)*.....

He's a bit of a drip, isn't he? My DP was back at work in a manual job 2 days after his procedure. Your DP sounds like he needs to man-up tbh.*

Oldh · 07/03/2022 16:41

My DH drove us 100 miles the next day to go on holiday. He was a bit sore and swollen but was enjoying having the bulge! Unless there is genuinely something gone wrong, op, he sounds a bit pathetic, sorry.

SirenSays · 07/03/2022 16:46

If you can work from home I would. I don't think there's anything funny about a person asking for support after surgery, especially as so many men and just told to man up and get on with it.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 07/03/2022 16:53

Uh. DH took that day off but honestly he could have WFH the afternoon. He was back at work the next day. I think he took OTC painkillers for a few days. He didn't complain of anything; there was a tiny scab on his balls which he had to find for me, because it was barely visible.

Getoff · 07/03/2022 16:56

I don't really understand the benefit of emotional support, but I don't like the comments from all the women who think he's a wimp, just because they know someone who was less affected. It's known that not everyone is affected the same way, and the consequences of a bad outcome can be horrible. For all you know could be joking and insulting him with respect to an injury that will cause him pain for the rest of his life.

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