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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Vasectomy support

41 replies

Smidz · 06/03/2022 22:37

Hi all, my partner had vasectomy last week and he’s been home and resting since. He’s had quite a lot of pain and discomfort from the off and he’s had bleeding and bruising. Anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you support your partner (and for how long) post op? He’s asking me to WFH whilst he’s recuperating (and for emotional support as we made the choice together) and just wondering if I’m doing enough or being unreasonable.

OP posts:

Gowithme · 07/03/2022 17:01

Emotional support?? He's had a minor procedure, my OH drove himself home and was back to work next day. I had a minor procedure where I had a lipoma cut out my leg - I didn't need anyone to stay home and look after me or give me emotional support. He should try child birth.

steff13 · 07/03/2022 17:06

@Getoff

I don't really understand the benefit of emotional support, but I don't like the comments from all the women who think he's a wimp, just because they know someone who was less affected. It's known that not everyone is affected the same way, and the consequences of a bad outcome can be horrible. For all you know could be joking and insulting him with respect to an injury that will cause him pain for the rest of his life.

Exactly. I was up walking around within hours of giving birth to all three of my kids. So I guess all women should be able to do the same, regardless of how their births went?

FrippEnos · 07/03/2022 17:19

1 in 10 men suffer long term pain from a vasectomy it is not as rare as many on here would like you to think.

And for some men the pain doesn't go away even after further surgery.

warmeduppizza · 07/03/2022 17:20

Not everyone recovers quickly. I had to do the driving for quite a few weeks. Best to let him take the lead, seeing as he is the one feeling what he feels, unless he’s got form for being a CF.

SouperNoodle · 07/03/2022 17:33

DH was hoovering the house 2 hours after his and back in work after a day.
Bruising went after about a week or 2 and he had slight discomfort for a couple of days.

If there's still bleeding, I'd recommend he see his dr.

Unanananana · 07/03/2022 17:39

If he is still bleeding from the teeny tiny cut then he needs to see a doctor.

How much emotional support does he need that you need to WFH? Noone forced him to do it.

Sounds like he could be milking it unless there is actually some complication My DP had his, took some painkillers for a couple days and went back to sork within 48 hours.

Unanananana · 07/03/2022 17:39

*work

phlaps · 07/03/2022 17:43

@FrippEnos

1 in 10 men suffer long term pain from a vasectomy it is not as rare as many on here would like you to think.

And for some men the pain doesn't go away even after further surgery.

This is correct. No one should be using this as a stick to beat men with. Most get back to work in a day or two but there can be severe and enduring pain.

phlaps · 07/03/2022 17:45

*not to mention the "hilarious" minimising from some really doesn't show them
In a good light.

Seasidemumma77 · 07/03/2022 18:23

I'd be insisting your dh seeks advice from GP or 111, sounds like it's possible somethings not right. Some of the comments on here are really unkind. We all have different pain thresholds and ways of coping.

EmpressCixi · 07/03/2022 18:32

Sorry OP but your DH bruising and bleeding and level of pain to ask for you to work from home does not sound like a normal recovery. I agree with the suggestion he ring his GP tomorrow morning at the least and if he’s got swelling and bleeding now, consider A&E tonight.

Many of the comments on here are unkind and ignorant. Ignore the macho man anecdotes. Not all surgeries go to plan, including minor ones. A certain number of patients will have complications that need further surgery or treatment.

Katie2017 · 07/03/2022 21:54

@Gowithme

@Gowithme By getting a vasectomy he's preventing any woman he's with having to go through child birth so you can't use that stick to beat him with. Presumably us women decide if we want to go through child birth or not? Plus you get ya know a baby out of that which is a joyous thing for most people and something they actively wanted. Are you so dismissive of women who have complications from sterilisation? Or is everything for women sooo much harder?

OP only you know your partner and whether there could be something wrong or if he is prone to exaggerate or not.

sunlovingcriminal · 07/03/2022 22:01

My partner had a vasectomy about two months ago. He was quite tender for about a week, and still says that it can be quite sensitive at times. Other than walking like John Wayne for a bit, he wasn't in serious pain.

I'd suggest your OH gets a follow up gp appt to check it's all healing as it should. Maybe that'd also help him emotionally if he gets some medical reassurance? It is an invasive procedure in a sensitive area (!) so he might be feeling more fragile. But I'm not sure what emotional support you can really give as it sounds more like he needs medical reassurance.

DillDanding · 07/03/2022 22:05

My dh, ignoring the advice to do no sport for a few days, ended up with a shocking haematoma and gigantic purple bollocks.

I gave him no support whatsoever, but I did laugh a bit - as did he. He was absolutely fine after a couple of days.

ShowOfHands · 07/03/2022 22:08

Would it be okay for me to go on a thread written by a woman who is struggling and tell her how easy I found CS recovery or how straightforward I found BFing when she's having a hard time?

My dh is one of the people who had difficulties with his vasectomy. He was black and blue down his thighs and across his abdomen, ended up v swollen and developed some cysts, then an infection and then another related condition. He needed follow up treatment. My CS recoveries were a walk in the park in comparison.

He needs to go back to be checked over.

DixonD · 07/03/2022 23:03

As it obvious from replies, a lot of people don’t seem to realise that vasectomies can carry quite a substantial risk of long term chronic pain - around 1 in 10 men suffer lifelong complications.

I would never encourage my husband to have one.

If he needs support, you should provide it. It’s likely he’s suffering from unexpected side effects.

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