Being asked if my pregnancy was planned

[BoobooPrize]

I keep thinking about the comment. I was asked by my senior manager if my pregnancy was planned.I just remember feeling abit embarrassed.

Is this a normal question to be asked?

Some people do ask this, but yeah it is very rude and intrusive. WTF has it got to do with anyone else? 'MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS' is what you need to say next time.

“Yes we had sex every night for a month and luckily we must have hit my ovulation days. I must produce a lot of vaginal fluid because I was on top most of the time.”

I think it's just one of those comments people say about pregnancy (small talk) especially those of an older generation. I don't think they mean anything by it.

No it's not.

I wish I could go back in time to when I was pregnant and asked such questions. I'd be asking them if they realise they are asking me about my sex life.

"what a bizarre and intrusive question, Jane." Then just look at her.

Yes everyone asks. I would never ask someone else though!

I suspect he was probably trying to make conversation and didn’t really think it through. Why attribute malice to something explained by stupidity?

However, I would also feel uncomfortable with that. And I find that as I get older, I am getting better at expresses my discomfort.

‘Good grief, senior manager! Did you really just ask for details of my sex life?’ Depending on how much you like hime or losses you off, you could follow up with a tinkly little laugh or the mentioned a chat with HR.

Obviously being sarcastic OP. This shit enrages me. I wonder how they would react if, asking such a personal question, you gave a great deal of personal info back.

Quite often it’s to find out if you’ve had IVF. or in an “oh we didn’t think we’d be shelling out maternity pay for another couple of years yet”

@WellyoucantellbythewayI

“Yes we had sex every night for a month and luckily we must have hit my ovulation days. I must produce a lot of vaginal fluid because I was on top most of the time.”

BAHHHHAAAA HA HA HA!

Fuck me, that is a lot of typos!

I’m getting better at expressing my discomfort.

Depending on how much you like him or how much he pisses you off, you could follow up with a tinkly little laugh or a mention of a chat with HR.

It is nobody’s fucking business whether you had a contraception failure, spent ££££ on assisted conception, or just had lots of sex.

It is not conversational small talk.

Best friend maybe, random bloke at work, nope.
Assuming he was male. No better if it was a woman.

Malice intent or not it is unacceptable.

A few people asked. It’s never bothered me.

By the way it is much less likely to be someone of “the older generation” who are more likely to be conservative - as in language, social norms, etc evolving over time and for obvious reasons older people being less likely to be early adopters.

Always exceptions to the rule of course.

I've been asked. Couldn't care less tbh. The question made sense as we hadn't been together long

@Wisemensay he does fall into the older generation category but in a professional work setting the comment just felt odd.

I dont really mind when its friends or family not that it's really anyones business but I dont mind it as I know these people on a personal level.

I was asked when pregnant with DD1. I put it down to stupidity because I was 19 and in the middle of uni at the time.

I don’t remember being asked about DD2 but I’m being asked now constantly if we’re thinking about a third so we’ll have a mini DH running around. I usually reply with: If they’re guaranteed to be a mini DH, absolutely not.

I think it is 'normal' but doesn't mean it should be and I think it's rude. Loads of people asked us this presumably because we were not married. She was very much planned and wanted. My other bug bear was people saying 'ohhhh pandemic baby' as if we just spent the whole lock down bonking and she was an accident. Ugh.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing 🤣

My other bug bear was people saying 'ohhhh pandemic baby' as if we just spent the whole lock down bonking and she was an accident. Ugh.

I’ve had people call DD2 a pandemic baby but only the really hard of thinking who can’t work out that, as she was born in September 2020, she was obviously conceived before covid was a thing in the UK.

I understand people ask this but what is the logic behind it.

If it wasn't planned, then what? I just dont quite get the rationale behind the question. Surely me saying no it wasn't, makes the conversation even more odd

Someone did ask me this, I can't remember who and I didn't take offence. BUT thinking about it now you're right what an oddly intrusive and rude question. I think massively inappropriate from a senior at work as it could be construed that they're suggesting was now the right time for your career.

I don't think it's a generational thing at all. My 75 yo mum wouldn't dream of asking someone such a thing.

I think it's a nosey fucker thing.

I remember someone I used to work with asking me and I was shocked. It took me by surprise and I did actually say what a rude question it was. The woman who asked me though, had absolutely no boundaries and would tell me all kinds of personal information about herself.

Yeah! The Covid baby thing IS a little insulting, as if we were jumping on the bandwagon.

Having said that, being furloughed for months did give me the reassurance I'd be happy enough not going to work.

Also been asked 'was it planned', I think people want to be sure before offering congratulations. But it does feel intrusive.

I think for a manager to ask it is especially inappropriate. It's beginning to veer into discrimination territory.

A colleague asked me this, I was 33 had been married for 9 years and ttc for about 4 years. It was definitely an inappropriate question but not one I took personally because if there was ever a more obviously planned pregnancy I don’t know what that would even look like.