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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being asked if my pregnancy was planned

36 replies

BoobooPrize · 06/03/2022 12:27

I keep thinking about the comment. I was asked by my senior manager if my pregnancy was planned.I just remember feeling abit embarrassed.

Is this a normal question to be asked?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 06/03/2022 13:11

I hate this question! Been asked so many times that I like to change up my answer to make it pretty risky- just to see their reaction. Think it’s weird to wonder from some and not something I’d ask. I have friends and family and know when pregnancy was planned or not but that’s them opening up and telling me, I wouldn’t straight up ask anyone no matter if i knew them well or not.

Looking4aLine · 06/03/2022 13:27

I've been asked this 3 times now! The first was from a Romanian colleague so I just presumed it must be a common thing to ask in Romania but then I had two others ask me! So bizarre and inappropriate.

I made them feel awkward by answering yes I've been desperate to get pregnant again since losing my first baby last year. That shut them up!

CounsellorTroi · 06/03/2022 13:32

Yes it’s noseyness. Like asking someone who is childless whether it’s by choice or not. You don’t actually need to know, and if they want you to know they’ll tell you.

AnotherCancelledLesson · 06/03/2022 13:34

The only time I’ve asked this was many years ago because my friend had complained she was down and feeling sorry for herself by text, then when we met up and she announced she was pregnant didn’t look at all happy. I asked as I was a bit worried. I wouldn’t ask that question of anyone now as I’ve learned it’s a bit intrusive but at the time I meant well.

OhMygodddd · 06/03/2022 13:40

The only time I was asked, it was by a man who was struggling to naturally conceive with his wife. Was probably trying to do a woe is me thing but my baby was planned.

chattycaterpillar · 06/03/2022 18:02

I think for a manager to ask in a workplace it's really rude.

Thisismynamenow · 06/03/2022 19:28

I've been asked this by literally everyone. Like the first question for some people. "I'm pregnant", "omg, was it planned?!" Before even a half arsed congrats.

It's weird, I don't get the interest, or why it's any of their business. Or why they think it makes a difference. Would they ask If you're planning on keeping it if you said no it wasn't planned?

The only people I get asking me was my parents as I was adamant I wasnt planning kids for another few years, so they were surprised, even more so when I said it was very much planned.

DramaAlpaca · 06/03/2022 19:35

I found an indignant sounding 'excuse me?' accompanied by a raised eyebrow was the best response to such a rude question. Or a 'sorry, what did you say?' It makes the questioner pause for thought and usually they cotton on and don't repeat it.

Oh, and it's not an 'older generation' thing, it's a bad mannered person thing.

MurmuratingStarling · 06/03/2022 20:30

@BoobooPrize

I understand people ask this but what is the logic behind it.

If it wasn't planned, then what? I just dont quite get the rationale behind the question. Surely me saying no it wasn't, makes the conversation even more odd

I have no idea why people ask stupid, rude, obnoxious shit, but they do. I don't know who they think they are, or why they assume anyone gives a shit about their opinions.

Some obnoxious wanky things people say...

'Was it planned?' to a pregnant woman.

'Bet you'll be wanting another one soon' to a woman who has just given birth.

'Another boy? awwww, shame you didn't have a girl' to a woman whose second baby was another boy.

'What the fuck are you getting married for? You wouldn't catch ME being tied down (or being owned by a man.)' said to someone announcing their upcoming nuptials.

'You're too young to have a baby' to a woman under 25.

'You're too old to have a baby' to a woman over 35.

'Why do you rent? Buying is the sensible thing to do. Renting is dead money,' to people who rent their home.

'Well, you chose to have it!' to a woman who is saying she is tired from lack of sleep because of her baby crying half the night as she has colic.

'Why don't you work? I could never be kept by my husband' to SAHMs and housewives.

'Working full time? Why would you want someone else raising our children?' said to career women who have children.

'You'll regret having no children, you will be so lonely in your old age.' to childfree women. (Childfree men don't get this oddly!)

'You've gained some weight haven't you?' said to women who have put on a few pounds. Like they don't know they have gained it, and need some wise, 'brutally honest' person to tell them they're gaining weight! Hmm

Many women have had at LEAST half of the above said to them.

Agree it's not generational. People of all ages/generations are fucking rude. (SOME of them!)

IsabelHerna · 09/03/2022 17:25

Personally I wouldn't welcome a question like this, but older people often do ask intrusive questions.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 09/03/2022 17:29

I think sometimes its a cover question for "are you happy?". Planned... yep, usually good news. Unplanned... you might not be excited.

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